Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife: Can I Learn to Trust Myself After Abuse?
A few weeks ago I had a listener reach out with a question about how she can learn to trust herself after being abused. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins us again to answer this question.
Question From a Listener
"I was sitting here, going thru some rather rough moments the past few days with this journey of healing from abuse that I'm on, and came upon a question that is really difficult for me.
The question that has come to me is how do I learn to trust myself again after abuse has happened? Really trust myself, and not keep falling back into the traps of feeling the abuse was somehow caused by me, or whatnot? Where is trust in Me that lasts? Because it seems that I need to trust Me before I can really truly trust others, including the Savior. At least that's what I've read.”
Episode Discussion Points
How the brain begins to change how it views others after being abused
Why abused children seem to feel they are the problem causing the abuse—that they are unlovable and deficient.
One of the first steps is creating an accurate notion of God loving us unconditionally (instead of projecting our view of our imperfect parents on Him). This takes real faith and courage.
“Faith is reaching in the dark for something better than where you are.”
Once you know this, people who have struggled with abuse often need a trauma counselor to help them begin to look at life with the lens of truth.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy or trauma therapy helps abuse victims learn to understand the truth and put themselves in the mind of the abuser (sometimes) to see they were not at fault.
Sometimes it is hard for people to learn to lean on the Savior if they have been abused—because it is an act of faith.
Sometimes you feel you “don’t get it,” or don’t understand how God sees and loves you—but yet still act as though it is true.
4 Steps to Build Trust After Abuse
Faith/Belief in another possibility
Work with a good therapist, who can walk through “hell” with you and come back out into the light.
This therapist will help you reprocess the meaning and see the truth of what really happened.
Self-love is more something you do vs. something you feel.
”Do something hard as an investment in you.”
“Your behavior is a step ahead of your feelings.”
“The clarity of who you are comes after the behavior.”
Connect with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
Listen to her story on my podcast —Jennifer Finlayson-Fife: Why You Really Need Self-Compassion
She also has courses, workshops, and a podcast you can listen to on her website.
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #abuse #trauma #therapy #counselor #trust #help #healing #love #selflove #JenniferFinlaysonFife
Transcription
You can find the transcription of today's episode here: https://www.tamarakanderson.com/podcasts/can-i-learn-to-trust-myself-after-abuse