6 Tips to Navigate Change with Success
Has change ever paralyzed you with anxiety? Today I share the story of my son with low-functioning autism aging out of public education and the 6 steps which helped me (and can help you) successfully navigate change.
6 Tips to Navigate Change with Success
Turn to God
Focus on Today
Use Healthy Distractions
Talk or Journal about it
Be Kind to Yourself and Don't Compare
Take Baby Steps Toward Your Plan
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #autism #autismawareness #autismmom #publiceducation #agingout #change #success #anxiety #specialneeds #healthydistractions
Transcription
Tamara Anderson 0:05
Have you ever felt paralyzed by an idea or change that's come into your life? I know I have. I had a situation recently where I did. I felt almost paralyzed like I was too scared to move forward. And today I want to share what I did so that you too, can navigate changes in your life with success. Stay tuned.
Tamara Anderson 0:31
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host Tamara Kay Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
Tamara Anderson 0:57
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Stories of Hope in Hard Times podcast. I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson. And this Tamara's Takeaway episode is a little bit raw and personal. But that's okay, because that's how we truly learn.
Tamara Anderson 1:13
So just this past month, I had my two sons with autism graduate from their school programs. My son Jacob graduated from high school and my son Nathan graduated, because he aged out of the public education system at age 22. And Jacob I wasn't so anxious about, but with Nathan graduating, I didn't realize that inside, it would cause so much anxiety and stress. And the reason for that, I think, is because as I looked at the amount of care that I have to do to keep Nathan functioning with his schedule, because he requires that I have a schedule for him. And now he was all of a sudden, he's been in public education system since he was three. Because he had to start speech therapy and occupational therapy and. And so I knew that from now on, he was all my responsibility--that any program, anything he did, would fall on my shoulders. And it freaked me out a little bit.
Tamara Anderson 2:26
Like I was scared to face the next day. Actually it wasn't the next day I was scared of it was that I'd have him for the next 50 years. And can I do that? And do I have the capacity to do that? And all of a sudden, my anxiety was skyrocketing through the roof. And I'm like, how am I going to do this?
Tamara Anderson 2:49
And so I want to share with you six things that I did. That helped me move past that anxious state. And that will help you move past your anxious state so that you can navigate the challenges and the changes of life successfully.
Tamara Anderson 3:11
So the first tip I want to share with you is to turn to God. One of the best ways to start any day or any situation where you are experiencing a change is to talk it through with God. And one of the great things about that is He sees the end from the beginning and He knows where you are in your own story. And so he can help you through that crazy change just a little bit at a time by giving you thoughts and ideas. And if you're feeling like you need direction or protection.
Tamara Anderson 3:49
One of His most commonly repeated verses in the scriptures is "ask and you shall receive." Ask him for help ask him for guidance. Sometimes we ask Him to take the change away. But that doesn't mean that He does. Sometimes the change will help us become a better person. And we may not see it at the time, but it does. And so just remember to ask God and defer to His well, because sometimes we have to submit to His will and have faith that He'll get us through.
Tamara Anderson 4:26
The second thing I wanted to share with you is focus on today. So sometimes when we face changes in our lives, we project things that we think are going to happen and the whatever we're going through right now is the same way it's going to be 10 years down the road and 20 years down the road and 50 years down the road. I am going to be dealing with this hardship for the rest of my life. And that idea, that concept of you're going to deal with this forever is completely overwhelming and paralyzing.
Tamara Anderson 5:02
And so the idea is to just say, Can I do the next day? Can I handle today? And if your answer is maybe, then pray for help and just say, "God help me get through today." Or maybe you just need to get through the next five minutes, because thinking about getting through the rest of the day is too overwhelming. "God, get me through the next five minutes. Get me through the next minute, get me through the next breath."
Tamara Anderson 5:37
So take it down, quit trying to figure out things 20 years down the road. Focus on what I can do right now, for the next five minutes for the next day. Can you do it? Yes, you can. I promise you, you can. That's tip number two.
Tamara Anderson 5:58
Number three, healthy distractions, when perhaps you're feeling super anxious due to changes in your life. Sometimes we feel paralyzed to the point where we can't do anything else. And at those points, it is good to find something what what I'm going to term "healthy distractions." Maybe to make it through today, you need a healthy distraction. Maybe that is reading a book, escaping into a movie, bingeing a series. Let's see what are some other healthy distractions? Meditating, exercising, walking in nature, singing, laughing, chatting with a friend, playing. There are so many healthy distractions.
Tamara Anderson 6:46
And the reason I specify healthy distractions is because sometimes, when we hit things like this changes, we turn to unhealthy distractions. I don't want you to get drunk or stoned or anything like that. Find things that are healthy for you and your body to distract yourself from the situation so your anxiety has a chance to calm down. And then you can move forward. So find something healthy to distract yourself with. All right?
Tamara Anderson 7:18
Fourth thing, talk about it, call a friend, talk about it, journal about it, getting our thoughts and feelings out so that they're not stuck inside of our bodies is very, is a very, very good way to start processing change. Some people process it best by talking to others. That's what friends are good for or family. Some people process it better by writing it down. And I'm not saying that one is better than the other, they both have their place. In fact, you can do both.
Tamara Anderson 7:50
But writing things down, or talking it out often gives us perspective that allows us to put our fear or anxiety into words. And once we can put words to it, it becomes more manageable. It becomes more concrete like we can see it we can do it. So don't be afraid to talk it out. That's Tip number four.
Tamara Anderson 8:14
Tip number five, be kind to yourself. So many times when we hit a change or anxiety, we think well so and so did it. And why am I not able to go through this change? And so I think it's important that when we hit a change in life, we are going to navigate it perfectly for us. We're going to navigate it "Normally for us." Not normally for Susan, or Bob or Joe down the street, or your sister or your brother or your parent. You are you and you are going to navigate your change in your way. So I want you to give yourself the grace and mercy that God would give you. He looks at each of us uniquely and individually. And we need to be kind to ourselves.
Tamara Anderson 9:06
If you're feeling anxious, you're feeling anxious about the change. And that is normal for you. So let's start with where you are, and be kind and don't feel like you have to navigate it like somebody else did. Navigate it in your unique and perfect way.
Tamara Anderson 9:24
All right, final step is to take baby steps towards a solution or towards embracing the change. Now that's going to look different depending upon what your change or anxiousness is. So this is where talking it out and talking to God, and brainstorming will help you to take the next right step. And the movie Frozen II that Disney just came out with there was a great song in there about taking the "Next Right Step." And there really is something to that concept. Maybe you're feeling really, really anxious because you're going to be moving. And the idea of moving is completely paralyzing to you. So take one step, one baby step: Today, I am going to clean out one drawer. Or Today, I am going to call a realtor. Or today I'm going to and then figure out what your next step is.
Tamara Anderson 10:35
Whatever your change is, if you put it into micro size, baby, tiny, little steps, it makes a ginormous change seem manageable. So those are the six steps.
Tamara Anderson 10:54
Now let me tell you how I was able to apply these six steps and get through my anxiety as I dealt with Nathan, finishing public education and becoming my responsibility for the rest of his life. For the rest of my life. The first thing I did was i did turn to God, and I turned to Him and I prayed about it. And I told Him, I was feeling very anxious about Nathan being out of school. I didn't anticipate that I would feel that way. But I did feel that way. So obviously, deep down inside, it was stressing me out. And I talked to God and I just told Him how I was feeling and I prayed for help. I prayed for strength.
Tamara Anderson 11:39
There's this really great verse in Psalm chapter 91, verse 11, and it says, "For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you, in all your ways." Isn't that beautiful? That when we ask God will give His angels charge over us toguide us and guard in all of our ways.
Tamara Anderson 12:01
And I love that concept that God could send angels to help me and be with me. And so pray for those angels. That's what I did. And I did. I prayed for angels. I prayed for help. "Help me to get through this anxiety. I'm feeling really paralyzed right now." And He blessed me to know what to do, which were the following steps focus on today. Tamra, can you get through today with Nathan? Well, yeah, I can get through today. Oh, okay. So today is an overwhelming? No, not really. It's when I think about 20 and 50 years down the road that I feel overwhelmed. So by focusing on today, Tamra, can you get through today with Nathan, that I was able to say, Oh, yeah, I can do today. That by breaking it down, I thought, Oh, yeah, I can. Step number three, healthy distraction. When my anxiety was peaking, I turn to my healthy distractions, which for me are watching movies because they totally distract me from my problem, or reading books, or listening to audiobooks. Those are my favorite, favorite distractions. And I was able to take a couple of days, I think it was two days, where I was just feeling super anxious, my husband was out of town. And so it was just me. And I did more distractions for two days until my anxiety was able to calm down. And God was able to reassure me that I could do this. And then I moved forward. And it felt good to a take care of myself and be able to distract myself a little bit more than I usually give myself permission to do. And then be able to take that time to process to realize, okay, one day at a time, you can do this Tamra and kind of reinforced myself, you can make it through this change. Just one day at a time. Step number four is talk about it. The morning, Nathan graduated or finished his last day of school. I called a friend. And I said hey, you want to go on a walk? And she said yes. So is another healthy distraction. Right. And so she and I went on a walk and she goes, You seem a little offs out of sorts today. And I said yeah. And I told her that it was Nathan's last official day of school, and I was feeling a little bit anxious about it. And so I was able to talk it through with her and, and she actually encouraged me on to Step five, but she said 10 might be kind to yourself. This is a change for you and your family. And you just need to remember to be kind. And so not only was I talking to someone, they were giving me good advice about remembering to be kind to myself, which is step number five and giving myself the grace to distract myself. She said take a couple they He's off, distract yourself till your anxiety calms down and then move forward, which is exactly what I ended up doing. Because, and maybe it was validating to have somebody tell me, it's okay for you to take a couple days off and process these emotions that you don't have to trudge through and just ignore them that I think it's better if we don't ignore them. Because they're, they're going to be processed in our, in our minds and bodies anyway, it's better for us to deal with them. Sometimes we need to distract ourselves from the emotions while we calm down enough to process it logically, at least that's what I had to do in this situation. And so I did, I distracted myself and he got home from school, and we put him on his afternoon routine. And he was fine. And I was fine, because I was distracting myself for that day, and for the next day as well. And I was able to breathe and say, Okay, I can do this. And then the next step was Step six baby steps of the plan.
Tamara Anderson 13:20
And He blessed me to know what to do, which were the following steps: focus on today. Tamara, can you get through today with Nathan? Well, yeah, I can get through today. Oh, okay. So today isn't an overwhelming? No, not really. It's when I think about 20 and 50 years down the road that I feel overwhelmed. So by focusing on today, Tamara, can you get through today with Nathan? That I was able to say, Oh, yeah, I can do today. That by breaking it down, I thought, Oh, yeah, I can.
Tamara Anderson 12:52
Step number three, healthy distraction. When my anxiety was peaking, I turn to my healthy distractions, which for me are watching movies because they totally distract me from my problem, or reading books, or listening to audiobooks. Those are my favorite, favorite distractions. And I was able to take a couple of days, I think it was two days, where I was just feeling super anxious, my husband was out of town. And so it was just me. And I did more distractions for two days until my anxiety was able to calm down. And God was able to reassure me that I could do this. And then I moved forward.
Tamara Anderson 13:40
And it felt good to a take care of myself and be able to distract myself a little bit more than I usually give myself permission to do. And then be able to take that time to process to realize, okay, one day at a time, you can do this Tamara and kind of reinforced myself, you can make it through this change. Just one day at a time.
Tamara Anderson 14:02
Step number four is talk about it. The morning Nathan graduated or finished his last day of school, I called a friend. And I said "hey, you want to go on a walk?" And she said yes. So this is another healthy distraction. Right?
Tamara Anderson 14:20
And so she and I went on a walk and she goes, You seem a little offs out of sorts today. And I said yeah. And I told her that it was Nathan's last official day of school, and I was feeling a little bit anxious about it. And so I was able to talk it through with her and, and she actually encouraged me on to Step five, but she said Tamara, be kind to yourself. This is a change for you and your family. And you just need to remember to be kind.
Tamara Anderson 14:46
And so not only was I talking to someone, they were giving me good advice about remembering to be kind to myself, which is step number five and giving myself the grace to distract myself. She said take a couple of days off, distract yourself till your anxiety calms down and then move forward, which is exactly what I ended up doing. Because, and maybe it was validating to have somebody tell me, it's okay for you to take a couple days off and process these emotions. That you don't have to trudge through and just ignore them that I think it's better if we don't ignore them. Because they're, they're going to be processed in our, in our minds and bodies anyway. It's better for us to deal with them.
Tamara Anderson 15:26
Sometimes we need to distract ourselves from the emotions while we calm down enough to process it logically, at least that's what I had to do in this situation. And so I did. I distracted myself and he got home from school, and we put him on his afternoon routine. And he was fine. And I was fine, because I was distracting myself for that day, and for the next day as well. And I was able to breathe and say, Okay, I can do this.
Tamara Anderson 15:53
And then the next step was Step six baby steps of the plan. Some of the things that we had started putting in motion, as we were getting closer to the end of school, I was taking baby steps. I was talking to his Vocational Rehab counselor, and they put me in touch with a counselor who's going to help him find out a little tiny part time job. And so we met with her that actually that last day of his school and said, Okay, he's out of school now. And she was able to meet him, and we talked about places that might be good for him to do a little job. And yes, it will still be my responsibility to get him to that job and get him back and to help him understand how to do something. But this gives me something that as I look forward, it will give him something to do that will be on his schedule on a daily and weekly basis. And that is good for him, that gives me something that he will have somewhere to go on these days of the week to do a little job for I don't know, an hour or two.
Tamara Anderson 17:01
But so I had to be brave enough to take these tiny baby steps, but they will give me help the help that I need in the long run. And so this is the next right step for him. It's the next right step for me. And just being brave enough to do that. Those next right steps helps me feel like I'm making progress and my situation--that the anxiety isn't going to hold me back or hold me down. I can take this next right step. I can make that phone call. I can maybe call a friend who's been through a similar situation and talk to her about it. And so there's still many steps that I have to take in that. But I'm taking the steps a little bit at a time so that I don't overwhelm myself and go into that panic, anxiety thing again.
Tamara Anderson 17:52
But I am thankful that I was able to take these steps that helped me move past my change, and the anxiety that I was struggling with at the time and face the future with faith and confidence instead of the anxiety and fear that I was feeling at the time of his last day of school.
Tamara Anderson 18:14
So my invitation to you today is whatever change you are going through today, or this month, or this year, that you use the steps: first turn to God. Second, focus on what you can do today. Third, give yourself a healthy distraction, whatever that looks like. Forth, Talk about it with a friend or family member. Fifth, be kind to yourself, realize you process this differently than everybody else. So be kind. And sixth, take baby steps of action on your plan. Tiny baby steps every day.
Tamara Anderson 18:54
I promise you that as you do these six steps, you will be able to navigate any change with faith and be able to move forward. You can do this. I believe in you. Lean on God and He will get you through anything and everything. Hope on my friends.
Tamara Anderson 19:14
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript and one of my favorite takeaways. You know if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared or quote or a scripture Verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling with hope to carry on and with the strength. Keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.