Danice Hope: Finding Peace & Hope with Chronic Illness
Danice wondered if God was punishing her when her health began to fail as a teenager. She shares her journey to finding correct diagnosis with SAD and ME/CFS with God’s help.
Discussion Points
How Danice had undiagnosed exhaustion as a teenager, and why it took 6 years to be properly diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD
How she finally found someone who figured out what was wrong with her.
How Danice learned to bring joy and beauty into her life not only during her healthy summers, but during the winter as well.
What Danice did as she turned to God to help her endure when her illness got worse and going to 24 different doctors couldn’t help her get a diagnosis.
What Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) is and what it looks like
How Danice learned to trust God— and that He will lead us to those who can help us.
How her trials helped her become closer to Jesus
The answer to, “Is God punishing me?”
The trait Danice values most in people
The critical decision “I can learn from this” which changed her perspective.
Tips for when you are feeling alone or discouraged
turn off TV
read scriptures
listen to uplifting music
read uplifting books
seek peace
Favorite Takeaway
Danice said one of the greatest lessons she learned was that, “My life is of worth as it is.” This worth was there despite all of the health challenges and the unfulfilled expectations. I think it is a good reminder that our lives have such tremendous value just as we are.
Resources
Book: The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff
the principle of “working with the waterfall”
“Instead of fighting against this superior force, I’ve learned to work with what I’ve got.”
Book: Winter Blues by Norm Rosenthal—recommended book for those who have SAD
Danice’s Blog: https://danicehope.com/
Transcription
You can access the transcription of today’s episode here:
Danice 0:02
We just had all these hopes all these dreams. But my health started to fail. The first winter we were in Arizona, my health was failing. I'm like, “Why is it failing?” This is bad because the seasonal affective disorder, I wasn't as depressed. I felt better. My winter cycle wasn't as long, so why is my health failing? It just kept getting worse and worse.
Tamara Anderson 0:33
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
As a young woman, my guest today struggled with seasonal affective disorder each winter. Later, she moved to Arizona to improve her health, but instead found herself facing another chronic illness. She has been married to the same loving, supportive husband for over 28 years, and enjoys writing, flowers, and reading her scriptures and other uplifting books. I'm pleased to present Danice Hope. Danice, are you ready to share your story of hope?
Danice 1:29
Yes, I am.
Tamara Anderson 1:31
Wonderful. I love to start off with a fun fact. One of the fun facts about Danice is that she actually met her husband at a dating and marriage class that was offered through her church. Tell me about this, because this is just so funny. Like, it's like one of those too good to be true stories.
Danice 1:54
You see, I felt this prompting from the Holy Spirit that I should do something to go find my husband, that he was going to come soon. So I went to the institute of religion at college. I signed up for the dating to marriage class. A couple of weeks later, there was this handsome young man. Wonderful brown eyes. He showed up and it went from there.
Tamara Anderson 2:27
And that is just the beginning of that journey.
Danice 2:31
Yes, 28 years later, here we are.
Tamara Anderson 2:33
You are, here you are. Oh, my goodness. And it has been an up and down road for you, hasn't it?
Danice 2:38
Oh, yes. We've had our struggles over the years.
Tamara Anderson 2:45
Well, let's dive into some of those struggles as we call them. Talk to me about this unidentified health challenge when you were a teenager that nobody could put their finger on. Why don't we start there?
Danice 2:59
It was six years before I was diagnosed properly. But at age 14, I used to be able to do a lot of things. I would get up in the morning, walk to school, just do all the normal teenager things. But then in the winter, I was getting tired. I’d catch the flu. I’d just never get well. But then in the summer, I was able to get up, I'd go up in the mountains and have fun. I'd go to camp for the summer. I go tubing down the river, one of my favorite things to do back then. I was doing fine. But then the next November, it starts in November. I would get up in the morning. But it would be harder and harder to get up in the morning. By January, I was just tired. Couldn't do my homework very well. This pattern kept up. The next summer, I actually worked at summer camp. I'd work 10 hour days, I could do well. Then the next fall it just got worse again.
As school became difficult in the year, it became difficult socially. I’d just get tired. I’d get stressed out easily through the winter. I would go to different doctors, they’d say, “I don't know.” They'd make guesses. Is it hypoglycemia? Is it just depression? What is this? I don't ever seem to know what the problem was. Each summer I worked a camp, that was my favorite thing to do. I just loved camp. But then each fall, in high school, I would get worse. About Thanksgiving time it would start. By January, I just could hardly think. Each year, it would get worse. I would become more depressed each week. I wouldn't be able to think, to concentrate. I would just sit there, unable to do my homework, hardly at all. I was falling behind in school. Then the summers would be great. I'd be at camp, I'm having lots of fun.
Then, by my first year of college, it was happening again. The therapist I had at the time, he was like, “Well, it must be you're shy. You're shy.” I was very shy back then. I would say, “But I think it has to do with winter, because it happens in exact same pattern every winter, and every spring, I seem to get better. And I can get up and I could do my homework again and be social.” He'd say, “No, no, that can't be it.” He'd say, “Try extra hard to be outgoing,” and I'd try extra hard, “then you can do it.” I would try so hard to be outgoing and to do everything. But that winter, it was worse than ever.
Tamara Anderson 6:05
Oh, no.
Danice 6:06
So obviously, that didn't work, to just try as hard as I possibly could.
Tamara Anderson 6:12
Yeah, it wasn't something in your mind.
Danice 6:15
No, no, it wasn't. It wasn't me. Because if I could have wished it away, I would have. If I could have just tried hard enough. I so much wanted to be more outgoing. I so much wanted to be able to do my homework in the winter, and it just wouldn't work. So the next year, I went away to college. I had a new therapist. God, at times, He has led me to those who have the knowledge I need. But he treated me like an adult. He let me explore it for myself. That really helped. Because he wasn't very familiar with this winter time depression thing. We explored it together that winter. That winter was just worse than ever. I wrote down, “I’m falling steadily behind in class. I can barely do half of an assignment.” Whereas before, I was getting my A's. Everything is harder and harder. I wrote down, “It's as if I'm glued to my bed. During the day, I feel as if gravity is twice as strong, like it’s constantly pulling me to the ground. It's a certain kind of fatigue that drags you down.” I was really able to explore it this year. My therapist, he went to the library because we didn't have the internet back then.
Tamara Anderson 7:47
Yes, I know, right? This is pre-Google.
Danice 7:52
Yeah. So he went to the library, looked it up. We explored it. He found Seasonal Affective Disorder. Now, Seasonal Affective Disorder, they were just starting to study it back then. A guy named Norman E. Rosenthal, he wrote the book, “Winter Blues,” and I recommend this book for anyone who has this winter depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder. He wrote a book about it, but it was just the early 1980s. Those were my high school years. That's when they first started to learn about this. He found some patients that had this winter cycle of depression. He's like, “Well, let's ask the other doctors if they’ve heard of it.” They're like, “No, no, we haven't heard of this.” So they put out an article about it. Let's see if we can get a study going. He thought that hardly anyone would answer, and 1000s and 1000s, they got letter after letter. Apparently, it was much more common than he thought it would be. So they first started studying. They studied light therapy and such. They studied people with these patterns.
Apparently, it is quite common. But people have it. They get their symptoms anywhere from September to Christmas time, depending on how bad it is. The further north you are, the worse you are to get it. I lived in Utah at this time. I had it pretty bad. The middle of winter, December, January, February, those are the worst months for people. Then by spring, they come out of it. People just get that really tired. Like you're being dragged down. They get depressed. People claim it takes all their willpower just to get up in the morning. I can say that's true. They sleep longer and they don't feel refreshed. They have trouble in social situations. They get stressed out more easily. They don't have very good concentration. They crave light. Believe me, in the winter, I crave light. I want to turn on all the lights.
The next thing I want to talk about is to find joy in the summer. I loved those summers at camp. And I would just in summer, it’s like I wanted to gather all the joy, happiness, and light I could while I was there at camp so I could start up for winter. I was kind of like a squirrel to store it for winter?
Tamara Anderson 10:38
Can I ask you a question, Danice? Have they found that it is just a depletion of vitamin D3? Is that what it is? Or is it more than that?
Danice 10:49
Yes, it is more than that. Melatonin and serotonin change, and those are problem. You can use light therapy, or antidepressants, or a lot of people move south to get away from it.
Tamara Anderson 11:05
Right, and you live in Arizona now, right? That's wonderful.
Danice 11:11
Yes. Yeah, I definitely moved to Arizona.
Tamara Anderson 11:18
Sorry, I interrupted. You were talking about getting all that sunshine and wonderfulness when you were in camp. You can go back to talking about.
Danice 11:27
Yes. So up in the mountains of Utah. I would work 10 hour days. I’d get up at six in the morning, which I couldn't do in the winter. Just one little story, we used to like to go down to the waterfront. We had a lake there. We weren't allowed to go out on the boats on our own without the leaders. So we would just pretend that docks were our boats. We would pretend like we were just boating around the lake. And we pretend there was a Causey monster, because it was Causey reservoir. We would just use our imaginations, and we'd end up dragging each other into the lake and getting all wet. It was just like summers were when I could be a child and have all this fun. Those were my very favorite memories of those years, were my summers. Now during those years, I learned to bring all the peace and beauty in Not just the summers, but in the winter it was like, “Why should I live my winters, only pining away for summer?” So I started to learn to bring beauty and peace into my winters, too, and into the hard times.
So one of my favorite scriptures is John 14:27. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as a world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” One thing I realized, as I read scriptures about peace, is that the verbs are doing verbs. “Let not, seek, pursue, pray, let, be still.” Like in Psalm 34:14, “Seek peace and pursue it.” In Psalm 122:6, it says, “Pray for peace.” So I thought, well, can I do this in the winters? Why should I only have joy in the summer? The Spirit helped me to start to recognize good in the winters too, such as a gentle insight from friends they taught to me, or nature. I loved the mountains and nature. I learned to seek quiet times when peace would come in.
I remember once, I was in the canyon. “I just got back from a walk up the canyon. It has to be one of the most beautiful canyons in the world. There is such a feeling of peace, of patience, of calmness there. Occasionally, I would come across a patch of light purple wild geraniums, or some other flowers. There are steep mountains going up either side of the canyon and the stream sparkles down through the green floor in between. The stream gushes and frosts whitely over waterfalls. At times, it slips calmly past tall, earthen, brown banks, and under overgrowing plants, its gentle noise slowing my mind and speaking peace to my heart. I stopped, once, to watch one tiny little bird perched on a naked branch, standing out against the deep blue of the evening sky. His throat moved up and down as it sang a song of great contentment. The wind moving gently through the pines adds a hush to my surroundings. It was so beautiful that I felt like flying with the little sparrow hawks that were circling overhead.
But I learned to bring times of peace in and beauty in my life. Such as, during the winter, I learned to read good books or find a good jigsaw puzzle. I remember once, I lived with my grandparents for a couple of years, in my young adult years. Me and grandpa liked to just sit next to grandfather clock with a heater in the corner. It was nice, and cozy, and warm. We would sit there and play cards or do pencil puzzles. I learned to bring beauty into winter as well. God can lead us to these types of peace during the winter times and through any hard times in life.
Tamara Anderson 16:00
Now, let me ask you. It seems like those were readings from your journal. Was journaling part of your process of finding peace and finding joy?
Danice 16:11
Oh yes. Journaling helps me to think through things and it just helps me sort it out. I have found journaling to be very useful over the years.
Tamara Anderson 16:23
I love that. I think it's different when you write it down for some reason. It just helps us process it differently, I guess.
Danice 16:34
Yes, yes. I have found that to be the case over the years. Okay, back to Arizona. My husband and I, we got married. This wonderful, loving man, he's been great over the years. He just accepts me as I am. I just love him. We just had all these hopes, all these dreams. But my health started to fail. The first winter we were in Arizona, my health was failing. I'm like, “Why is it failing this bad?” Because the Seasonal Affective Disorder. I wasn't as depressed. I felt better. My winter cycle wasn't as long. So why is my health failing? Then, within a year, my health was just really bad. It just kept getting worse.
Tamara Anderson 17:20
What were some of your symptoms, Danice?
Danice 17:22
I remember it was summer at this point. It's like, I should be feeling well in the summer. I remember one night I just started shaking. My teeth were chattering and I just could barely walk. My heart was going 116. My husband had taken me to the emergency room. Well, the doctors, again, didn't know. They were like, “I don't know, maybe it's anxiety.” I have learned that that's what doctors often say if they are not sure what something is. Even if it's not.
Tamara Anderson 17:57
It's a good first guess. But it's not often always the case, right?
Danice 18:02
Yeah. That summer, I would get chest pains. I would have trouble breathing. I'd have trouble sleeping. I started getting heart palpitations whenever I would stand up. My heart would start racing. I'd get headaches, nausea, shakiness. By September, October, I ended up in the emergency room time after time, because I would get up and get lightheaded. I couldn't walk straight. I'd get really weak. Doctor after doctor, they just couldn't figure it out. And but tober I wrote down, “I just feel very faint. My heartbeat is irregular. My husband had to carry me to the bathroom and hold my head up because that's how weak I was.” And I wrote that, “I'm just nauseated, very ill, felt very faint. I kept shaking off and on for a few hours, my heart rate would shoot up every time I'd stand.” Again, at the emergency room, they’d just be baffled. By this point, I couldn't work anymore. I remember one night just lying in bed and shaking so bad. My arms and my legs were just bouncing up and down. It was so bad.
Tamara Anderson 19:22
Oh, wow. So what did you do? How did you find a solution or an answer to this, Danice?
Danice 19:29
Well, I didn't at first. I just went to doctor after doctor. I was like, “Is God angry at me? I have done all I can. What am I going to do?” I went to 24 different doctors before I finally found a solution. It had taken me six years to figure out the Seasonal Affective Disorder. I knew to keep going, but sometimes I was like, “Should I keep going? Should I keep seeing more doctors? They don't know what this is. They don't know how to help.” But I have a quote from Dallin H. Oaks. He says that healing can come in different ways. He said, “Sometimes the healing cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are healed by being given strength, or understanding, or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us.” And like it says in Isaiah 28:10, “Precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little and there a little.”
Tamara Anderson 20:30
So true. Life is like that. Sometimes you just kind of get a one little nibble at a time, right?
Danice 20:37
Yes. So for about next year, I just was trying to figure it out. I got this impression from the Holy Spirit that I should keep going to this internal medicine specialist that I was seeing, as she was running test after test. I was like, “Okay, I will try.” But I just had to trust our Heavenly Father. As it says in Isaiah 55:9, “For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts, than your thoughts.” I thought, “Well, I will keep going to her, and I will trust her, and I will trust that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing.” Because it was just an impression. It wasn't any big thing. It was a feeling that I should keep going to it. So they ran hard tests, they ran lab tests, ultrasounds, you name it, they ran it. Finally, she referred me to a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist knew what it was. She diagnosed me with chronic fatigue syndrome. After all this time, finally, I had something to call it.
Now, chronic fatigue syndrome has two different names. It can be called myalgic encephalomyelitis. Because in 1955, A. Melvin Ramsey, M.D., he was a doctor at the Royal Free Hospital in London, and there was an epidemic. He was like, “What is this?” He studied the people there, and they had symptoms similar to what I've described. The next year, Sir Donald Acheson wrote an article about Ramsey's work and his studies, and he named it myalgic encephalomyelitis. In the 1980s, there was an epidemic of these symptoms in the United States in Nevada. The people there studied it, and they didn't realize it had been studied before. They're like, “What is this illness? We don't understand it.” So in the 1980s, they called it chronic fatigue syndrome. In recent news, it's popular to call it ME/CFS. So ME/CFS acknowledges both names. So it has two names that have stuck.
Tamara Anderson 23:09
So what is it that causes it the myal enceph? Sorry, I'm gonna…
Danice 23:14
Myalgic encephalomyelitis.
Tamara Anderson 23:17
Okay, I'm glad you said it, and not me. Tell me, because encephalitis is like a swelling in the brain, is that right?
Danice 23:24
Yeah. Myalgic encephalomyelitis is kind of hard to say. It means muscle pain, by inflammation in the brain and spinal cord itself. Lot of people that have it get the muscle pain. There's also a lot of inflammation. It didn't describe all of the illness because they didn't fully understand it yet. Just like chronic fatigue syndrome doesn't quite describe all of the illness. It has fatigue, yes. That's just one of the symptoms. So both names don't quite describe the whole illness. But they're the names that stuck.
Tamara Anderson 24:02
So that's what it's called, and at least part of it is that inflammation. Do they know where the inflammation comes from? Or what triggers it?
Danice 24:13
They have debated over the years what starts it. Is it genetics? Is it the environment we live in? Isn't that you know, a disease? Let me go through the Canadian definition. Yeah, Canadian definition from 2003 is one of the best ones. It best describes what I have. It says they have fatigue that significantly limits the person's activities. A major part of it is they have post exertional malaise. This is really a hallmark of the illness, that anything physical, mental, people just get worn out and they don't recover. It makes your symptoms worse. It could be like a day or two before you recover from doing something for a day. Then, couple days, you're just wiped out. Can include sleep problems, pain in muscles and joints. People can have brain fog, meaning they might have troubles finding the right words. I have really done this. Sometimes I really have trouble speaking and other time troubles organizing your thoughts, concentrating. You might have troubles walking in a straight line. I've done that at times. They call it the CFS gait, where you just can't quite walk straight. Or you get to a curb, and you have to stop and think, “How do I step up this curb?” I have varied in these sorts of things. You get overloaded easily, like loud noises, bright lights. But they've also found specific immune system abnormalities. This causes a lot of us to have chronic, low-lying infections, which can make our symptoms a lot worse. That's something they studied quite a bit as sensitivities and allergies to foods. Oh, I've got that. I also have orthostatic intolerance.
Tamara Anderson 26:15
What is that? I’ve never heard that word. So you're gonna have to tell me what it is.
Danice 26:22
Orthostatic intolerance is the general term for heart and blood pressure problems that are made worse by standing. They improve when you sit down or when you lie down. Many, many people who have ME/CFS also have orthostatic intolerance, but not all. You can have one illness without the other. But maybe 60% of us have orthostatic intolerance. The symptoms can include lightheadedness, palpitations, nausea, trembling, shortness of breath, difficulty concentrating, and tightness. When I first read that definition, I'm like, “Oh, my goodness, that is so me.”
Tamara Anderson 27:08
You're like, check, check, check, check. Oh my goodness, I'm so excited that you were finally able to get a correct diagnosis. We're gonna take a quick break, but when we get back we're gonna have Denise tell us a little bit about what her life has looked like since this correct diagnosis, and the lessons she has learned along this detoured path. Stay tuned.
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And we're back. I've been talking to Danice Hope about some of the difficult physical challenges that she has had to face in her life, not only with Seasonal Affective Disorder, but with ME/CFS which is chronic fatigue syndrome. Now, Danice, we have listened to your amazing story and I'm just wondering, what lessons did you learn along this crazy journey that you were on?
Danice 29:40
One thing I have learned is just trust in God because He can lead us to those who have the knowledge that we need. This rheumatologist had the knowledge I needed. She went with the treatment of a doctor who actually had this illness, because there hadn't been a lot of research done by then. This was the 1990s. There has been a lot more research done by now and much more is known about this illness. God can lead us to those who have the knowledge we need. Twice, that has led me to those who have what we need.
Tamara Anderson 30:19
So do you find yourself that you had to learn to pray and ask God to lead you to those who have the answers and then try to feel it out?
Danice 30:30
Yes, I mean, you name it. I would study it out, I looked it up, prayed, stuck with the doctor that felt right. You name it. I mean, it's a lot of work to figure out these two illnesses but I stuck with it.
Tamara Anderson 30:47
So was this rheumatologist then able to help you find things that actually improve your quality of life?
Danice 30:53
Yes. A lot of us have nutritional imbalances, so she was able to help those. She identified a couple of low-lying infections that needed treating and she treated those. The next doctor I had after her was a specialist in this. He helped with my sensitivities, and allergies, and such and so for many years. Now, my health has been stable. It’s not healthy, but stable at a low level. Not getting worse or anything, which is a blessing. Like Dallin H. Oaks said, I was given understanding. I was led to people who knew what to do. So in a way I had healing, not over the illness, but I had a great deal of healing along the way.
Tamara Anderson 31:48
Wow, that is that is so amazing. It really was like God gave you baby steps and that led you to the rheumatologist who helped you heal the low-lying infections and get you on some medication and then He led you to the next step. Sometimes, you know, that line upon line, precept upon precept stuff is hard because you get impatient. You're like, “Let's move to the next step already.” I think God is teaching us patience. I don't know, what is your take on that?
Danice 32:23
Yes, that he is. He's definitely taught me and led me along. I became a lot closer to Jesus Christ during that time. Jesus was born in a stable and hunted by Herod. People often rejected him and criticized His teachings. He was misunderstood and thrown out. His friends abandoned Him and denied Him in His greatest hours of need. Look at all He gave. His parables show His love for the everyday lives of His people. He went among the poor, the lame, the outcast, until He taught the rich how to humble themselves. He praised the widow when she cast in her last mite. He raised a woman's only son from the dead. He suffered pain for us, and He can literally understand what we are going through. He knows how to reach in, to lift us up and comfort a weary heart. I found this to be the case over the years. Is God punishing me for this? And gradually I've learned, “No, that's not the case.” He gets it. He understands deep down. He understands because He has paid the price for all of us.
One of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 53:3-5. “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” And I found that to be the case. God has walked with me throughout this, and He's helped lead me along the way. And it's like, “No, He's not punishing me.” I've learned that He's helping me. He's always been there. He's working with me and leading me. I mean, a lot of these things are just part of life, you know?
Tamara Anderson 34:42
I'm sure there's days when you don't feel Him as closely. But what are some of the things that you do when you don't feel Him to remind yourself that He's there? What do you do?
Danice 34:54
Oh, well, I seek times of peace and quiet. I turn off the TV, and I go and read my scriptures, for example. Or I listen to good, uplifting music, or I read uplifting books. So I seek times when I can just feel the spirit and feel Him.
Tamara Anderson 35:18
That's really good advice, if you're not feeling it, to try to make time to seek that peace. I love that you call it seeking. That's really, yes.
Danice 35:31
Seeking peace. And it's like, He's not waiting for me to be perfect before I come before Him. He wants me to come before Him, just with all these troubles and raw emotions, and He wants me to come before Him as I am. I had to learn not to be a perfectionist and just relax.
Tamara Anderson 35:58
Yeah, that is hard when we try and we want to be perfect, right? That's really, really hard. Did you used to think you had to approach Him perfectly? And then you had an aha moment where, “You're going to take me broken?” How did you come to that realization?
Danice 36:17
It was very gradual over the years, one little bit at a time. But that leads me to another principle that I learned. My husband and I went back to school. After I'd gotten this new illness and gotten it stabilized somewhat and such, my husband and I went back to school. It really helped me. We learned about new cultures, we learned about how people cope with other disabilities. One thing we learned, my husband brought home a book called “The Tao of Pooh,” by Benjamin Hoff. This book has some Chinese ideas. And in Western culture, people just think, “Perfect, all or nothing, let's hang on to this, let’s force our way through.” But the Chinese look at it in a different way. I call this principle, “working with the waterfall.”
A Chinese philosopher one day was walking towards a huge waterfall. He saw an old man in the turbulent waters. He's like, “Oh, no,” I mean, he was alarmed. This man is in this waterfall. He's gonna drown. He calls everybody over, “Are you going to come help rescue him?” So they all rushed over there to rescue him. But when they got there, the man was just walking along. He was fine. He's like, “Well, how did you survive this terrible waterfall?” The old man said, “I learned over the years since I was young how to work with the waterfall. I go down with the current, I come up with the current. I've learned to go under. Instead of fighting against the superior force, I learned to work with what I've got.”
This is so different from what I had learned. A lot of us here in the Western culture, we think we have to force, we have to do it all. But it's not sink or swim, fight or lose. It’s learn the ups and downs. Go with, well, not quite go with the flow. Because go with the flow can mean mindlessly following the crowd. But I that's why I call it working with the waterfall. You learn to work with it. God can help with this. He can show you which way to go and give you a little hint here and a little hint there, “You should go this way,” or, “You should go that way.” This really helped me a lot. It helped me learn to work with what I've got, and to value what I have. It taught me to nurture rather than force. Submit to the will of God rather than try to control the situation. Learn compassion, rather than listing my failures
Tamara Anderson 39:22
We are always good at that, aren't we?
Danice 39:24
Yeah. That's how I got my associate’s degree, was by learning to work with what I had, because I couldn't do as much as I could previously. I learned to work with what I had. I took one or two classes at a time until I got my degree. That degree really helped a lot in many ways with my life, even though I can't work. It has helped me to understand how other people have survived. I learned a lot about computers too. That degree really helped me, but I've learned I, too, can have a life of quiet, reflective joy. A lot of times over the years, I've met others. What I'd felt about them is their love, caring, acceptance, compassion. They're not the ones who tried to force.
One example of this is my was my friend Betty. Through these hard times, she drove me to doctor after doctor, lab test after lab test. She was just so kind. She and others took me into their homes for about a month when I was so ill. They would help me, and Betty especially. She would come home from taking me to the doctor and she would just go in my house, or go in and do my dishes for me. She was so non-judgmental. I want to be so much like her. And I have tried to be a little more like here. A scripture about that is 2nd Corinthians 1:4. “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” I really like that scripture. Betty, she was just the best example of that.
My friend Naomi, a few years later, she was such an excellent example of this love, because she had muscular dystrophy, a form of it. Even though she couldn't work anymore, she had been an educator, she invited people into her home, she would teach at church, she was very much an example of compassion, and caring, and working with what she had. I mean, when we went to her funeral, I remember, the place was packed. The church was completely full, even though she didn't have family nearby. We were all her family, because she invited everyone in. She was such the perfect example of someone who learned to work with what she had. And to be who she was.
Tamara Anderson 42:15
It sounds like you found characteristics in others that they were able to find joy in their life, and live it to the fullest. They did not let a disability inhibit them from finding and seeking others, and just being able to interact and have the best life possible. That sounds like what you're describing. And I think that's an amazing characteristic to emulate.
Danice 42:47
Oh, yes. Once I learned some of these principles, it really helped. Like imagine a stream filled with rocks. Now some people would say, “Let's remove all these rocks. Let's clear a path and straighten out the stream.” But that's not how the stream sees it. The stream just flows over and around these rocks. It just adds harmony to its tune. I mean, I love listening to streams. It's those rocks that add harmony to this. The so called rocks in my life, they've added harmony to my tune. So this has been a principle that's really helped. I like Psalm 30:5. “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Letting go of some of these old expectations, it helped me learn to have joy again. Even though my life wasn't what I expected it to be, I could still build a good life.
Tamara Anderson 43:56
Yeah. Tell me, what were some of the expectations you expected that would happen? Then, how you were able to do that? How you were able to switch that in your mind? And how God was able to help you be okay with letting those go? Because I know I struggled with that after our son was diagnosed with autism, letting go this expectation of what his life would look like and what my life has the best What were some of the things that that you did to navigate that?
Danice 44:30
When I was young, there's a lot of pressure, especially in your young adult years. You've got to go to school, get a good education, get a good job, have a family by a certain age. I mean, all these expectations that are built up when you're young. When I felt I was getting another illness, suddenly all those expectations were gone. It's like nothing. It was only gradually that I rebuilt and God helped lead me one bit at a time, one day at a time. It was only by realizing that my life is of worth as it is. God gave me these circumstances, and He wanted me to learn from them. So it's when I decided I can learn from this, that my attitude started to change. I started building a new life for myself.
Tamara Anderson 45:31
It is hard, and I I'm glad that you acknowledge it is hard to bring it up many years. it's hard when you expect your life to be a certain way. Then all of a sudden, you're confronted with, say, chronic illness. This is not what you wanted your life to look like. But being able to be flexible enough. I guess we talked about that and the waterfall. Yeah. Being flexible enough to allow yourself, it's almost like you give yourself the grace and the mercy that God always gives. But you give it to yourself, and you allow yourself to adjust to this new normal and say, “Okay, my life is going to look different. I'm going to give myself grace, and mercy, and time to process that, and then find joy in a new, different way.”
Daniice 46:24
Yes, exactly. I've learned along the way to just let go and still build my life and to reach out to others. I wanted to be like these examples, Betty, and Naomi, and others. I have tried. That's why I wrote my book, because I want to share these ideas with others.
Tamara Anderson 46:44
Will you please tell us the title of your book? Because we want to let people know about it.
Danice 46:50
It's, “In the Midst of Winter: Reaching for Hope While Living with Chronic Illness.” It's available on my website, danicehope.com. I've got links to all kinds of websites.
But I've got one final thing I’d like to read for you, please. Years ago, I thought, “Well, what would it be like if God wrote a letter to us?” So this is our Heavenly Father's letter to us. “My dear child, know that I love you. Please don't turn away from that love. When you need me, I am always here. I gave you this life and these circumstances for a reason. Remember that I can see more than you. And I know what I would have you do. I have seen your trials, your pains, and your joys. I gave you these circumstances knowing that you can do it. I will be here to help you. You can make it. You need to see for yourself that you're capable of overcoming these trials. The lessons learned through your struggles are something that you wouldn't have if I just took it away. Your Heavenly Father.”
Tamara Anderson 48:10
Oh, I love that. Because sometimes we do wish He would take it away. I know I prayed that prayer before. I know that prayer. But it's hard. But I love that you put in that letter that God can see more than we can see.
Danice 48:29
Yes. Like that scripture in Isaiah says.
Tamara Anderson 48:33
Yes, exactly. Trust that He can see it and that He can help you find joy in your imperfect journey.
Danice 48:41
Yes, that's a lesson that was really hard for me to learn.
Tamara Anderson 48:45
Oh my goodness, Danice, this has been absolutely a joy to talk about with you. You're so knowledgeable, and I can tell God has given you a gift in writing. That's what you do on your website, is you write these amazing, powerful blogs. But they come from the heart because you have struggled with so many physical challenges for so many years.
Danice 49:13
Yes, I learned things the hard way.
Tamara Anderson 49:19
But the beauty of learning things the hard way is that we all do that. Often, the lessons that, say, you learn, apply to me as well. That's true. Thank you for being willing to share your story, and your example, and your hope. Thank you for finding your voice, and your purpose in life, and being willing to share it with us today. Oh, thank you.
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time, and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you would like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website, storiesofhopepodcast.com. There, you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript, and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared, or quote, or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling, with hope to carry on and with the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.
https://tamarakanderson.com/podcasts/danice-hope-finding-peace-amp-hope-with-chronic-illness
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