Kim Rippon, LCSW: How to Help Loved Ones Struggling with Depression
After a conversation with a friend dealing with a spouse who was diagnosed with depression, I decided to bring on Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Kim Rippon to give tips on how to help loved ones who are struggling.
Episode Discussion Points
Talk to your loved one (ideally one on one). Some ideal phrases that help people open up are:
How are you doing?
We are pretty good friends and I’ve noticed you just don’t seem yourself lately.
You know, I’ve had a pretty terrible week. What about you?
If your loved one has noticed have noticed they aren’t sleeping as well, eating habits have changed, or feel more down or discouraged have them go talk to their doctor about it and have an evaluation done.
Why service and exercise doesn’t cure mental illness
Is our brain like a light switch?
Why it is important to begin a toolbox of coping skills to help manage your situation.
NAMI.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is a fantastic resource for both people who are struggling and their loved ones. They even have support groups for loved ones! Don’t do this on your own. Get help for both you and your loved one!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255—is for both those who are struggling but also caregivers and friends of those who are struggling.
What to do about burnout as a caregiver or friend.
Why 30 minutes of self-care is so important for caregivers and why it is okay to have “good selfishness,”
For people who think there is shame or weakness in seeing a counselor, Kim explains, “It’s the weak people who don’t go and get help. It’s the weak people that keep it a secret. It’s the strong people that say, ‘Hey, I cannot do this on my own, and I need help. Please give me some tools!’”
Recommendations to Help Struggling Children and Teens
So many more teens and children are struggling with anxiety and depression symptoms due to COVID restrictions.
If your child is struggling with anxiety or depression (and you have a diagnossis or are seeing a counselor), be sure you get a 504 or an IEP for them so they get accommodations at school.
Be sure to ask for and IEP or 504 in writing, because then it starts a clock for the school to respond within 60 days.
My Favorite Takeaway
I had no idea that associations like NAMI.or and the Suicide Hotline can also help people who are calling for advice on how to help a friend or loved one. So, if you don’t know where to start, you can make a call or use the resources on the NAMI website.
Resources for Caregivers or Friends of Those Struggling with Depression
Video on Empathy by Brene Brown on YouTube
Self-Nurturing Activities (for Teens and Adults)
Suggestions for Adult “Feel Goods”
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #depression #anxiety #caregiver #helpforlovedones #selfcare
Transcript
Tamara Anderson 0:02
Does someone you love struggle with depression? If so, you're not alone in that struggle. And sometimes, it's important to find out how you can best help them. Today I have a licensed clinical social worker coming on to talk to us and teach us how to help when someone you love is struggling. Stay tuned.
Tamara Anderson 0:28
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times--All with God's help. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
Tamara Anderson 0:53
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Stories of Hope in Hard Times podcast. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. And on this Tamaraws Takeaway episode, I actually have a guest, which I don't usually do. But I had a really interesting thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago, I did a little presentation. And afterwards, a person came up to me and just started opening up about how in the last year their spouse had come down with severe depression. And they just were struggling to keep up with these added demands that they had taken on that the other spouse used to do. And and they weren't sure how to juggle both taking care of their family, taking care of their life professionally, and also how to help their spouse who was really really struggling at that point.
Tamara Anderson 1:48
And so I thought this would be a really good topic for us to cover on this takeaway episode. But seeing that I feel completely unqualified to do that, I invited a friend of mine, Kim Rippon who is a licensed clinical social worker to come on, and, and give us some tips and ideas about how to help when a loved one is struggling with depression or starting to feel down. So Kim, first of all, thank you for being willing to do this. I appreciate you coming on the show.
Kim Rippon 2:18
You're welcome. Tamara. Thanks for asking me. I appreciate that.
Tamara Anderson 2:22
Alright, so what would you recommend in a situation like the one I just described?
Kim Rippon 2:28
Well, I think I would first just try to get them to talk and open up, I would probably just ask him, "Hey, how are you doing?" I might even say, "you know, we're pretty good friends, and you just don't seem like yourself lately." Or one of the ones that I really like, that creates safety and opens up the door for this kind of conversation is, "you know, I've had a really terrible week. What about you?" So that lets them feel like, you know, there's they're not inferior that other people have things happen to them that are normal and common, and it just it tries to normalize that type of situation.
Kim Rippon 3:04
Or if you notice specific things about them, and they you know, that they trust you, "hey, I've just been noticing that, you know, you've been more aloof or it's been harder for you to concentrate, you're off somewhere, is there something going on that Maybe you want to talk about or, or you can just share with me?" So I think really, developing that sense of trust and relationship is one of the first things that you can do.
Kim Rippon 3:29
And if they say, "I'm fine." Anytime somebody ever says "I'm fine" to me, I just disregard that. Because that means that they're not fine, but they know how to talk about it. So don't give up with just that they're fine.
Tamara Anderson 3:44
And if you perceive that they they really are struggling with something and they give you that answer of fine. Do you just do you sit? Do you talk maybe more about how you've been thinking and feeling and then ask again or what what is a good tactic there if if you really know that something's up, and you're trying to help them share that.
Kim Rippon 4:07
I think that you give them an example of something that you're relating it to. So if something happens that, you know, maybe there was a situation weeks before where they seemed upbeat, they seemed happy, they were very talkative to you. But then you start just noticing things about them that caused them to be more standoffish, then you want to be very specific. You know, so they understand that there has been something comparable so it so it stands out. So they realize that you've really seen something different and you're not just saying something to just start a conversation just because they're there.
Tamara Anderson 4:48
Now I know one of the things you mentioned to me before is that sometimes it's good to get people one on one where you can go and talk a little more privately. Maybe you can Take them to lunch or take them on a walk or something like that. And then that is a better situation for them to open up. And then another thing we talked about was that there's a really good YouTube video by Brenee Brown on empathy. And it's like a three minute little cartoon video, and I did get a chance to watch it. And it is absolutely fantastic. And it describes the difference between sympathy and empathy. And I don't think I'd ever understood it very well until I watched her little cartoons. So we'll be sure to link Brenee Browns, YouTube video on empathy in the show notes.
Kim Rippon 5:44
Most of these people that have struggled with some of the mental illnesses, they, they feel so different already, and they don't want to stand out. They don't want to be a problem to other people. They think that a lot of times, that they're better isolating, that they're better just keeping it to themselves, instead of really trying to connect and getting a support person that really cares about them and and wants their best.
Tamara Anderson 6:08
Yeah, absolutely. And we and I think that's probably been one of the challenging things about COVID-19 is we have had to isolate. And so we've seen just a huge increase in the number of people diagnosed on depression. I know I've had a family member who has been diagnosed with depression in the last year. And and also we've also seen an increase in suicide rates. So what what other resources can you point us to for for loved ones and families who are just saying, I am concerned about my friend, my family member? What do I do now? You know, we've talked, maybe they've started to open up a little bit. What is the next step Kim?
Kim Rippon 6:56
So one of the things that I would suggest is just asking them if they've noticed a change in themselves? Have they noticed that? Maybe they're not sleeping very well, it's hard for them to focus? Do they seem more down and discouraged? Is it hard for them to really concentrate? And remember things? That is a big thing. Is there major change in eating habits? That's another thing. Are they irritable? Do they have mood changes? And so if any of this happens, one of the things that I always ask people to do is go and get an assessment from your doctor.
Kim Rippon 7:31
A lot of people will say, well, like right now. Well, it's winter, I know I get more Moody, because it's winter, and I get that seasonal affective disorder. But I still say, you know, let's have you go to your doctor, Let's have him do the evaluation, because mental illness does not go away on its own. And one of the things that I also I hear too, is people feel a lot of shame, because they think that, hey, I've been told to just go to service, I've been told that if I just get out of myself and I go to service, and this is going to go away. Well, what happens when it doesn't go away? People don't, they're not forgiving of themselves. Number one, they're very shaming, very harsh on themselves. And so when people come in, and they say, hey, I've been doing, I've been working out, I've been going and helping people, but my depression is getting worse, or I'm more anxious than I was before, then that is an open door to say, guess what? It sounds like chemically, something is just going on, and you can't control it.
Kim Rippon 8:32
And I like people to remember, our brain is not like a light switch, we just can't turn it on to make us feel happy and excited. Or turn it off when we have too much going on in our head. And when those chemicals we called neurotransmitters are off, it is time to get some help. Because depending on what triggered you know, some of the issues or if it's just chemical, or, you know, it's inherited, you have this in your family background, you really need to get in to a doctor and see if there's any medication that can be can help, you know, that can be treatable for that.
Kim Rippon 9:06
You know, and the other thing is, so it's a big stigma if I'm on medication, trying to get them into a good counselor, that's a specialist in that area. A lot of people think that it's a weakness. And one of the things that I always always encourage people to say to that loved one is you know what, "it's the weak people that don't go and get help. It's the weak people that keep it a secret. It's the strong people that say, Hey, I cannot do this on my own. And I need help. Please give me some tools. Please give me some help."
Kim Rippon 9:38
You know, it's funny, you just reminded me of one of the things I like to remind people of is everybody has a toolbox. When I work with teenagers, I say describe me what this toolbox is that you use women, the girls, the teenage girls are always like, "I have a bling bling toolbox. It's hot pink, sparkles all over it." And then I started asking them to talk to me about some tools. What are tools in there that you're already using that work? But you know, what are some of the ones right now that aren't working, let's work at throwing those out. And let's, you know, let's put some new fresh ones in there that you can use. And so teenagers or adults, whenever they can recognize that, oh, I can learn some coping skills to help manage this. And I can also get on medication, if necessary, that can also help me and then I can function my best in society, and I don't have to drag around, you know, this gigantic backpack that's weighing me down and causing me to feel inferior or different than everybody else.
Kim Rippon 10:38
So those are just a few ideas, you know, and another one that I really like. A lot of family members will have them go to NAMI, nami.org. I love NAMI, because it gives you education and support on mental illness, it can point you in the right direction, for therapists to for you to go to. It's also a helpline, if you're in crisis, it can give you some specific things that you can do to help that person.
Kim Rippon 11:09
The other one that I really like, is the National Suicide Prevention hotline. Not only can they help, the person is suicidal, but a friend, a family member, that's not sure what to do, they can also point them in the right direction. And that number is 1-800-273-8255. So there are you know, there's quite a few things that we have at our fingertips that we can do together to help that loved one.
Tamara Anderson 11:38
Wow. You know what, Kim, I've I've, I've talked about the National Suicide Hotline on here several times, but I guess I'd never put two and two together that it's not just for the person who's feeling suicidal, that family and loved ones can call that number too, and get specific help with regards to their loved one. So that, wow.
Kim Rippon 12:01
A lot of people don't know that. They just think it is for people that are suicidal.
Tamara Anderson 12:05
Right? Wow. See, I've learned something here today. That is fantastic. What are some other quick tips for someone who is taking on additional burdens? Because perhaps their loved one can't? What would you say to that person who's probably starting to increase their stress? Because they're trying to help a loved one, but by helping them and taking some of their burden, they are putting it on their own shoulders? What would you recommend to them?
Kim Rippon 12:35
Yeah, burnout is a major thing that goes on with the helper, even therapists, we have trainings that they want us to go to, so we don't get burned out. So it's not uncommon. So one of the first things that I recommend is reach out to a support group. You know, right now, since there's a lot of support groups out there, because of COVID, there are so many groups and again, go to nami.org. There are a lot of support groups there for the caregiver. So they can just open up and vent. Because, you know, the first way of dealing with stress is processing it out. Processing does not just happen in your head processing happens between you and somebody else. And when you hear somebody that says, hey, I am so sorry that this has been so frustrating for you and that you're hurting, but I'm so glad you told me. And then they can share ideas, but just having broken secrecy, you know, opening up expressing that I can really take that stress level down quite a bit. And they don't feel alone. Like they have to figure this out on their own. And I would recommend don't don't do this on your own.
Tamara Anderson 13:44
Wow, that I didn't realize, I guess here See, I'm learning so much. This is why I didn't try to answer this question on my own.
Kim Rippon 13:52
You could have done this.
Tamara Anderson 13:53
I don't know if I could have. I didn't realize there were support groups for caregivers in that situation. So that is Wow, amazing. And just go to nami.org. Which National Association for mental illness, right?
Kim Rippon 14:08
National Alliance on Mental Illness, Yes, perfect thing I forgot to save for the caregiver, they need to do self care, they need to make sure at least once a week, they're doing something for a minimum of 30 minutes for themselves
Tamara Anderson 14:20
that that is really good. I love that. And it's true. You do need to take care of yourself. Because if you can't take care of yourself, you can't help other people.
Kim Rippon 14:29
Exactly. And sometimes I define what selfishness is because I hear it with women all the time. And I always say what you just told me is not selfish, taking time for you. The real definition of being selfish, is doing something for ourselves and not thinking about the outcome for other people. We have no care for the effects on other people. That's the selfish part itself when women go, Oh, it's going to have positive effects because it's going to be positive on me. Okay, so that is good. So a lot of my clients call good selfishness.
Tamara Anderson 14:59
The Good selfishness
Kim Rippon 15:00
Good selfishness? Yeah. Well, you know, and one more thing I wanted to say. So one of the other areas that's very common right now, because of COVID. Teenagers, not only just the parents, not just adults, but teenagers are having and kids, children are having a tremendous difficultly in schools right now, the online stuff or even going back to school, because teachers put a tremendous amount of pressure. And we're kids aren't having the normal stimulation socially, you know, they're wearing masks, they're not breathing correctly, some are getting just out of breath, they're getting sweaty, it's hard to focus.
Kim Rippon 15:38
I am seeing an increase in kids with severe anxiety, severe anxiety. And if if somebody has gone through a traumatic experience where maybe they've had PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, I'm finding that parents reach out especially I got a lot of calls a few weeks ago, when it was parent teacher conferences, from a high school and an elementary school that my kids attend. And the teachers very, very much minimized what some of these parents were saying. You know, "hey, my, here's some symptoms My child is going through. We're having them evaluated, or now they're on medication for their anxiety and depression. You know, what can we do?"
Kim Rippon 16:20
Well, the teachers, a lot of them, minimize it, "oh, they can get up and get a drink of water." They just, they don't get it. And one of the things that I'm recommending to parents now is, if you can get an evaluation from a therapist or a doctor, you can sign up through the school district to see if your child qualifies for a 504 plan or an IEP plan. So let me just give you an example. A 504 plan can be for those kids that have a severe anxiety disorder.
Kim Rippon 16:55
COVID has caused so many fears and apprehensions of kids. And some kids, they'll they'll sit down for a test, and they go blank, or they feel threatened to because you know, just what's gone on around in their environment. And so if it gets to that point where a child is actually in counseling to learn how to deal with not only the epidemic, but the anxiety and depression that they're experiencing, I advocate getting a 504. That's a really big piece that helps these kids regulate. And the teachers have to abide by this, they have to see this as a real problem that this isn't just something we're catastrophizing. That this is now a real mental illness for the time. And these kids have great opportunities to learn and take tests in the way that's going to reduce their anxiety and help them function their best.
Tamara Anderson 17:52
Oh, that is fantastic. And I and having kids on the special needs spectrum. I'm fully aware of that. And one other tip I would recommend is when you formally ask for a 504 do it in writing, because then that starts a clock ticking and you have the schools usually have 60 days to have something in place to then act on. So don't just call, do it in writing, and send it to the principal. So that'll start that ball rolling.
Tamara Anderson 18:26
Now before you go, we need to talk about some of the amazing resources that you are sharing with my listeners today. And you will be able to find these amazing resources in the show notes of today's episode. So go to stories of hopepodcast.com, and you can download these resources. So one of them is a really great self nurturing activities worksheet. And this is for children, youth and adults. And then another one is a really great suggestions for adult Feel Goods is what the worksheet is called their self care ideas for adults, if they're struggling either as a caregiver or someone who needs to take a little better of care of themselves. So these resources are available for you amazing listeners to help you in your journey wherever you are. Thank you, Kim for sharing them.
Tamara Anderson 19:19
Oh, Kim, this has been so helpful. Thank you so much for coming on today and sharing all these amazing tips and strategies and pointers not only for people we love but also children that are affected by discouragement, depression, anxiety. This has just been so helpful. So thank you for sharing us today.
Kim Rippon 19:42
Good. I hope it was helpful. Thank you. Hi,
Tamara Anderson 19:44
This is Tamra K. Anderson, and I want to share something special with you. When our son Nathan was diagnosed with autism, I felt like the life we had expected for him was ripped away and with it. My own heart shattered as well, it's very common for families to feel anger, pain, confusion and anxiety when a child is diagnosed. This is where my book normal for me comes into play. It shares my story of learning to replace my pain, with acceptance, peace, joy, and hope. Normal for Me is helped change many lives. And I'd like to give this book to as many families as possible. We put together something I think is really special. My friends and listeners can order copies of my book and significantly discounted price. And we will send them to families who have just had a child diagnosed with autism or another special needs diagnosis. We will put your name inside the cover, so they will know someone out there loves them and wants to help. I will also sign each copy. You can order as little as one or as many as hundreds to be shared with others. So go to my website TamaraKAnderson comm and visit the store section for more information and to place your order. You can bless the lives of many families by sending them hope, love and peace. Check it out today at TamarakAnderson.com and help me spread hope to the world.
Tamara Anderson 21:19
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you would like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared or quote or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling with hope to carry on and with the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.