Haley H. Freeman: Choosing Life After Anorexia Killed Me
Haley used to pray she would die because she was so depressed, but chose life when she had a near death experience. Listen to her share her story of hope and healing.
Episode Discussion Points
Why they call Anorexia “the 10-Headed Monster.” For her, some of her monsters were low self-esteem, depression, negative self-talk, believing you need diet, being a perfectionist, people commenting on her weight loss (that she looked good), feeling guilty for eating (it isn’t “fat-free or guilt-free”).
Even when her brother and parents tried to help her, she lied, acted very confrontational and ran away to hide—because this was her coping mechanism.
She even refused to go to the doctor—because she wasn’t ready to give up Anorexia yet.
Anorexia is a mind game.
Some of the physical symptoms of anorexia
The day where she felt like her heart was going to give up, and how she prayed she wouldn’t die.
Getting help at a treatment facility and a hospital
How her mom had to go to bat for her and spoon feed her at the hospital because she was so incoherent and so weak that she couldn’t do it herself
Glimpsing the other side and being with her sister and grandmother who had passed away.
How she felt the Savior’s love and the love of her family in that place
How she was given a choice—she wasn’t done with her earth’s mission yet and how she was meant to write her book and have a family and help others.
Never doubt God’s love and that you have such a unique mission to fulfill
Choosing to live even when she had been praying that she would die. Knowing she had a purpose helped her choose to live.
Her sister told her to learn sign language—and it replaced her obsession with anorexia.
If you are trying to heal from an eating disorder—find a passion—something that makes you excited to replace the disorder.
Her prognosis was she would have brain damage, and how she miraculously healed without deficits.
How important it is to get therapy specific for eating disorders.
There is hope and healing available from eating disorders, but you need help from others (specifically therapists) and from God.
There are self-esteem building exercises in the back of her children’s books which will help parents teach their children about self-love.
She wrote her children’s books because parents asked her how they can help their children have good self-esteem.
The key to being comfortable in your own skin is to catch the negative self-talk and stop it. Remind yourself that you have worth and it is important you tell yourself good and positive things not only for your good, but for your children’s good because they will follow your example.
Think about all the things you can be thankful for with your body—how your arms and eyes work.
It’s not to late to stop a negative pattern in your family. Start today!
The story behind the illustrations on her new book.
Favorite Quote
Haley’s favorite quote by Naomi Wolf, “A mother who radiates self-love and acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem.”
Advice for Parents
Never give up on your child
What your child want you to know: the disorder destroys your body and your soul and changes your personality. Please know—the real them is still in there. They don’t want to act that way. They need help and want help.
Once your child gets treatment, the real them will return.
Don’t diet!!!! This is like exposing your child to their addiction while they are recovering. Be on their side! Give them a clean environment to recover in.
Favorite Bible Verse
John 14:18, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”
Connect with Haley
Website: http://www.haleyhfreeman.com/
Facebook, Instagram
Books: A Future for Tomorrow, From Head to Tummy, and Lily’s Reflection
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #anorexia #eatingdisorders #neardeathexperience #depression #mentalhealth #dontgiveup
Transcription
You can find the transcription of today's episode here:
Haley Freeman 0:00
If I didn't want to kill myself, I felt like it was not the right choice to kill myself. But I would pray to die. And then here I am, literally on the other side of the veil, right, I had the choice to live or die. And I chose to live. And the reason is, I was shown so many beautiful things that I needed to still do. It made me so excited to see that I still had a future that a family that needed to write a book that I could go back and help others that made me so excited to think I could come back and help other people.
Tamara Anderson 0:41
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host Tamara y Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
Tamara Anderson 1:07
My guest today is professional speaker and author of the highly rated book, A Future for Tomorrow, which tells her remarkable story of miracles and surviving anorexia. She then turned her focus to helping a younger audience with her next two books From Head to Tummy, and Lily's Reflection. Her presentations are powerful life saving events as she brings personal touch to important issues such as eating disorders, body image, divine worth, media messages, intuitive eating, suicide, prevention, the power of the mind and more. She delights in raising her three children in a small town in Utah with her best friend and true soulmate, Brandon. I am pleased to present Haley Hatch Freeman. Haley, are you ready to share your story of hope?
Haley Freeman 1:57
I am, thank you so much for having me today.
Tamara Anderson 2:00
Oh, well, this is such an honor to have you on the show. I'm really excited that you get to kind of take us through your amazing journey and and help give us some pointers, you know. But before we dive into all of the that fun stuff, I figured we'd start with a fun fact. And that is that you are almost a foot taller than your husband. And so my first question is, first of all, how tall are you?
Haley Freeman 2:26
I am almost 5'10". And yeah, my husband, he actually has a medical condition that makes him shorter. But I love it. He is and he is super hot. Still. He is still a super super cutie. But yeah, that's kind of fun. We kind of are the unique couple around where I'm this tall blonde, and he is, you know, shorter, but still a super handsome man. But yeah, it's kind of a fun little quirk about us.
Tamara Anderson 2:51
That's awesome. So where did you guys meet?
Haley Freeman 2:56
We actually met online. We were it was a little back in the day before online dating was a thing. It wasn't even a dating site at all. It was just a chat like I have for social media before Facebook. And he had that it was like LDS chat if you happen to have a last name of a friend of mine from high school. And so I clicked on him. I was like, Do you happen to know so and so you know, but he did it. But that's how we met and love at first sight really? Pictures, real life. But yeah,
Tamara Anderson 3:30
That is awesome. Wow, that is so fun. And I think it's appropriate that we're going to talk about true worth today. Because I think that it doesn't matter how tall or short you are, no matter who you are inside. And so I'm excited that we get to dive into your story a little bit. So let's go back kind of into your teenage years, then when you probably didn't weren't as comfortable with your body image and who you were kind of take me through who you who you were how you were feeling at that point in time. And the point that you got to where you almost died.
Haley Freeman 4:06
Right? Absolutely. Yeah. So it started when I was 15. And it like you said it started with low body image. And then Depression hit and so it's just so what was creating? It was a perfect storm to create anorexia.
Haley Freeman 4:25
So, anorexia they call it the 10 headed monster sometimes because it it, it needs about 10 different underlying issues to create this perfect storm to cause anorexia the disease. So a lot of people think, Oh, it's just about vanity or it's just about one thing. It's not at all. It's a coping mechanism and it's a really ugly disease that is created by a lot of ugly underlining issues.
Haley Freeman 5:00
So for me, yeah, it did start with, you know, low self esteem starting to happen depression starting to happen. I do remember, you know, having kind of a crush on a kid when I was about 15-16. And I remember thinking, oh, man, it seems like he's flirting with all these really skinny, beautiful girls, maybe, maybe if I was thinner, maybe he would like me, you know. So I was just one little seed that was planted.
Haley Freeman 5:23
And then I had a friend who was a year older than me. And I remember driving home riding on a bus, I lived in a very rural area. So we had to ride a bus for Roy to get home. And I remember her saying is the last day of school my freshman year in high school, and she was a sophomore. And I remember her saying, Oh, I'm gonna diet all summer long. I'm gonna diet all summer long. And I thought, Oh, is that what we're supposed to do in high school? Are supposed to diet? And I didn't know that she was battling with bulimia. And she had her own distorted body image and eating disorder that I had no clue about. But I was looking to her as an example. And what we were supposed to do in high school. So that was another little seed that was planted in my mind.
Haley Freeman 6:14
So I'm like, Okay, and so that summer, I started to exercise more started to restrict more. And then another thing that happened that summer was I got braces on my teeth. And so naturally, it became painful to eat. And so I started to just be able to have to eat like soups and softer things when I was having adjustments and things. And so that made it so harder to eat anyway. And it also gave me kind of an excuse to not eat the things my family was eating. And so I did start to lose weight. And what happened at that point is people so people started noticing and started complimenting it. Like, because this is what society does, right? So they say, Oh, you look so good. Have you lost weight? And that became a trigger and an Exciting high for be that like, fed this disorder, it gave me a high. And so I'm like, Whoo, I'm liking this attention. I'm liking this. And so that just fed it more.
Haley Freeman 7:20
And then another thing that started happening is I would eat, say, a piece of pizza. And then all of a sudden, I would feel guilty, I would feel so much remorse and guilt. And I would feel almost like I had sinned or something like it just turned, I just felt dirty and contaminated. I eat just a piece of pizza. And I, you know, so I think, Okay, I'm feeling gross, dirty, sinful, and I ate that. So I want to never have this feeling again. So what am I going to do? Okay, I want to swear to never eat a piece of pizza again, because I don't want to feel like that again. Right? And to me, I'm like, Okay, I gotta like, cleanse myself of that pizza. So I want to over exercise to get rid of it. And so that was my thinking. And so I started doing that.
Haley Freeman 8:12
And then eventually, it evolved from just from that pizza to eating a sandwich that was healthy, and nothing wrong with a sandwich. But my brain was tricking me, telling me that it was contaminating me. And it was wrong to eat it and it was going to, you know, just ruin me. And so I decided, okay, I swear I'm never going to eat that sandwich because it made me feel dirty and, and sinful. And later, I started connecting because I had a therapist that said, Why do you think eating is sinful? And I started connecting it, like, have you ever went to a grocery store and seen fat free guilt free ice cream. And so if you buy the regular ice cream, you're supposed to feel guilty, because it's not the fat free guilt free ice cream, right.
Haley Freeman 9:07
And then there's even restaurants that will have a menu, that's the guiltless menu part of the menu. So if you order on this side of the menu, you're supposed to feel guilt, right? Because you didn't order on the guilt free ice, you know, guiltless menu. So I was making those connections in my brain to food instead of like an actual simple act, you know, it was to connect you to food, because I was a perfectionist, and I wanted to be perfect. And I wanted to do everything right. I was a 4.0 student. And I was you know, I just wanted to be so good. And so my brain was flipping it to food.
Haley Freeman 9:49
Um, so this kept going on the depression kept getting worse. The food kept getting smaller amounts that I was feeling okay to eat. So the room worse, and the guilt started being connected to eating an apple. So I'm like, Okay, I'm feeling so guilty for eating this whole apple, maybe if I just eat a half an apple, I won't feel as bad. So this was growing worse and worse and worse and worse, to the point where I was losing so much weight and getting weaker and sicker. And I was doing it fast, dramatic. So within a year's time, I had lost half of my body weight.
Tamara Anderson 10:31
Oh, my word. Wow, that is crazy. Now, did your parents notice that they say anything like what happened to to trigger?
Haley Freeman 10:45
My brother, I had a brother that was three years older than me. And he knew what anorexia was from school. And he would tell my parents, he would tell them, like, something that's wrong with Haley like this, I think is an eating disorder. And so he would, he would tell them, and they would say, Yeah, we need to try to get her help, and then confront me. And then I would just, you know, it's very confrontational and fighting, and I'd run into my room crying, and I said, leave me alone, I'm fine. And I just wanted to be left alone with my disorder. I didn't want them to take it away from me, because it was my coping skill it was. And I didn't know how to deal with life without it. And I was fighting them to leave me alone.
Haley Freeman 11:27
And then he was called to serve a mission for our church, which was the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So he was called to go serve in Canada. And I was so glad that he was going to leave because he was the only one that was pushing, pushing and pushing. Because my parents really didn't, they knew something was wrong. But they didn't really understand anorexia was because they were just in a different generation. And they weren't educated on it. Yeah. And so I thought, great. If he can leave, then they'll leave me alone. And so I think that kind of did help. I couldn't kind of like, lie about it. I could kind of say, No, I'm just sick. It's something else going on, you know. And I did have other health issues. So I could kind of mask what's going on for a little while. But eventually, they didn't know like, Okay, this is what's going on in disorder. They could I could, they could see, I wasn't eating with the family. I wasn't enough?
Haley Freeman 12:20
And they were trying to get me to go to the doctors all the time. And I was just fighting and fighting and wouldn't let them get me help.
Tamara Anderson 12:29
And what were you thinking in your mind when they were trying to get you to the doctors? Like, what, what what was the reason in your mind that that was just the worst thing ever?
Haley Freeman 12:40
I wasn't ready to give up anorexia. I was I wasn't really I didn't want them to take it away from me yet, for a long time. And then when it got so bad, you had so so bad that I could see I was just a skeleton in the mirror, I could look in the mirror. So at first I, I would look in the mirror and I think, Oh, I'm so fat, I'm so gross. And you lose weight, right? Because it's like, it's a mind game. And it fills your mind.
Haley Freeman 13:09
But then later on, I could see that I was a skeleton, I could see in the mirror, I could see the veins popping out of my forehead, I could look at my arm. And I could see, it was like a skeleton, like the top of my arm was the elbow joints would bulge out, you know, like a skeleton. And I could see the veins literally, I could see my veins popping out. And I could feel them pushing through and it would hurt. And I couldn't get bruises all the time because I had no flesh and fat to protect my bones, my body. And so when I would lay down on my bed or anything, I would get bruises all over my back. And it would hurt and I would be my knees would swell up from just retaining water, my ankles would swell up and it would hurt.
Haley Freeman 13:53
And so at that point, I knew I needed to lose to gain and I kind of thought, Okay, I'll try to eat more on my own, and it just wouldn't work. And then when pivotal day, I was taking a shower. And I literally could feel my heart struggling to beat. I could tell like, it was good to stop at a moment like it couldn't do it anymore. And I could just the movements of trying to take a shower was too much for it. And I knew at that moment, I've pushed it too far. I knew like anorexia has won. I'm going to die.
Haley Freeman 14:35
And so I started praying and praying. If Heavenly Father would let me live just through this moment, through this shower just through this moment. I would finally go to my parents and say I will get help, because I knew it was too far. And that's what happened. I left that moment and I went through to my parents and I said okay,
Tamara Anderson 15:00
Can you help? Oh, my goodness. But that was just the beginning of it the back. But it's interesting how it had to start with your choice. Yeah, you had to choose it.
Haley Freeman 15:12
And hitting rock bottom, I know you did an episode about hitting rock bottom. And that's what I had to do, I had to hit that rock bottom. And so when I went to my parents, so when I went to my parents, they went and they got me into a center, I started treatment there. And they said, you're one of the worst we've ever seen. They were scared, they were scared, they told my parents, she could have a heart attack anytime we don't know, you know how she's even living. My blood pressure was so low, like a scary situation there.
Haley Freeman 15:46
But they started doing the treatment like me. And I was about not even two weeks. And, and then some thing happened to my mind. So without the nutrients and fat, your brain cannot live. It can't function. And so I started to not be able to complete sentences, my senses were starting to get really mixed up and jumbled. And then all of a sudden, my mind just kind of broke. And I didn't recognize my parents, I didn't recognize what to do with food. I was sitting there and I didn't know how to feed myself anymore. So here I am. 16 years old, 4.0 student and I no longer recognize what to do with a fork.
Haley Freeman 16:39
And so obviously, this was like an emergent situations, my parents took me to the ER. And I didn't understand, like, what they were doing, I didn't know how to get into a wheelchair, I was like, my most of my body isn't like stiff, and I just would like planks kind of across the wall, the wheelchair. I didn't even understand how to sit in it. Like my brain just went psychotic. And they had help with the tech, you know, the staff and stuff in the ER tried to put me in the ER that I was fighting them, I was kicking them. I was ripping out IVs or trying to IVs in my arm. I was ripping them out. I didn't understand what was happening. And they, they they're like, well, she's psychotic, we need to put her in the psych ward.
Haley Freeman 17:29
But the problem with that is my liver was failing, my kidneys were failing, my heart was going to stop at any moment. So I needed like medical help, too. But I was so psychotic, they couldn't put me in just a normal part of the hospital. But in the psych department of the adolescent psych department, they still allow parents to stay. So the problem is right before they took me to the ER, like while they were getting things ready. My mom had to hand feed me because I didn't understand what to do with the food.
Haley Freeman 18:01
And it's really interesting. I remember that incident, sitting at the table and looking down at my plate of food and I was hallucinating. I remember seeing gnarled up hair and metal, like twist it up on my plate. That's what I was seeing. And they didn't understand why I wasn't being eating it. Yeah. And I was loosening that and they're like, Why isn't she eating? And I'm like, why are you feeding me hair and metal two chunks. Like isn't that crazy? Like now I can tell them when I was saying, but but for some reason I could see the peas. There was peas on the plate and I could see them and they're like she's only eating them.
Haley Freeman 18:46
Anyway, so at the hospital, they're like, she needs help. She needs people. They're helping her and they're like, No, you're not allowed in the adolescent department. But they put they put me in without my parents and I didn't understand I felt so abandoned. I didn't understand why my parents were leaving me. And there's so much more to this story that I've put in my book that I just can't go into everything right now.
Haley Freeman 19:11
But anyway, eventually, my parents came back the next day during visiting hours. And they saw that because I didn't understand what's going on while they were gone. I was ripping the sheets off the beds. I wasn't being taken care of. I do remember this part while they were gone. They brought the food to me the tray. And I didn't know what to do with it because in the hospitals, you know how they have the dome over the food? Oh, yeah. So well, how confusing is that for my brain right now. I didn't understand I could smell the food. And I remember thinking okay, I'm in like a prison and they're trying to torture me. I know there's food under here, but they've made it impossible for me to get. That's what my brain was telling me.
Haley Freeman 19:57
And I and not only that, but it was so heavy I remember trying to push out it but I was so weak. I had no energy. I could barely I couldn't even hardly walk at that point, or stand. I was so sick and I couldn't push. I couldn't access the food. But the technicians and stuff at the hospital just thought, oh, that's the anorexic patient. She's just being stubborn. She's not eating, just take the just take the treatments go. Well, so my mom came back the next day was like, What is our goal here? Our goal is to help this girl she doesn't understand how to eat. And she goes, Mom's like, I am not leaving. I don't care who I have to fight
Tamara Anderson 20:42
Good for your mom standing up for you.
Haley Freeman 20:46
Yeah. So she went to the administration of the hospital, and she made it happen. So she wasn't leaving.
Tamara Anderson 20:53
God bless your mom.
Haley Freeman 20:57
So she stayed there. And she hand fed me every meal, like a toddler. And she brushed my hair. She rub lotion on my arms, my skin was flaking off and dying. And she brought lotion on my arm, she brushed my teeth. And she bathed me she stayed there for the entire month. Until my body and brain finally healed. Yeah, that is
Tamara Anderson 21:23
so like, I guess I never realized how important it is for our brain to have nutrients to function. I mean, that's like kind of a no duh thing. Now that you explained it, but but I guess I've just never thought about it in that way. Do you know? Yeah, my goodness. Now, you had a moment where you glimpsed the other side? Would you mind telling me about that?
Haley Freeman 21:46
Yeah. So I don't understand exactly how it all happened. But I just know I did. I have a sister who had passed away and my grandma who passed away. And there was a time where I was with them. And I was given a choice to come back until live or to pass on. And that's why I say sometimes like anorexia didn't almost kill me. It did. Because I was to this state to the point of death. So I, I could have chose to pass on.
Haley Freeman 22:23
And I was in this beautiful place I it was I almost feel like it was like a waiting room area. Because I felt like it wasn't because it was like where I said I was with them. And it was a spiritual, beautiful space. And I was in no pain anymore. And I could feel the Savior's love in this space. And I could feel the love that my sister and grandma had for me. And I was shown beautiful things and.
Haley Freeman 22:55
And it like I was told like from my sister that I wasn't done with my mission here on Earth. But at the same time, I still had agency to choose to come back or not. But I was showing things like I was still meant to write my book. And I was still meant to. And that's the book I wrote that was called A Future for Tomorrow that tells my whole whole entire story. And as still meant to have a family and to help others with a lot of the things I've went through. And there's many other beautiful things that I was shown.
Haley Freeman 23:34
But yeah, it was one thing that I came away from that experiences, knowing that every single person on earth has this beautiful divine mission that only they can complete. And to never doubt that never doubt that I never doubt how much our Heavenly Father and Savior love you and I know you and are aware of you.
Tamara Anderson 24:00
Wow. So what made you choose to stay?
Haley Freeman 24:05
So that's what's interesting, right? Because I was so depressed before this. And there were times I was in the darkest depression. I was praying to die. I remember times that night I was crying in my pillow crying, please. I didn't believe it was just, I didn't want to kill myself. I felt like it was not a right choice to kill myself. But I would pray to die. And then here I am. Literally on the other side of the veil, right? I had the choice to live or die. And I chose to live. And the reason is, I was shown so many beautiful things that I needed to still do. And it made me so excited to live it made me so excited to see that I still had a future to add a family that needed to write a book that I could go back Help others that made me so excited to think I could come back and help other people.
Haley Freeman 25:05
My sister also told me I needed to learn sign language. And what that did for me a couple of things that was a big key in my healing, because anorexia had become my identity. I was the girl with anorexia. It was my obsession. Something that I don't know if people really understand eating disorders become your everything. Because you're obsessed for like, three hours before you eat. Okay, what am I going to eliminate this man carriages? Me fat grams, okay, I'm gonna eat this, I'm gonna do this. And then after you eat it, you're obsessed with it afterwards? You're like, Okay, what did I do that and then you're and then Okay, gotta exercise, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, man, how many casual members, you're obsessed, and it becomes your whole identity.
Haley Freeman 25:53
So telling me to come back and learn Sign, which gave me a new passion. It gave me a new identity. It gave me something new to focus on when I returned, and it gave me something to be excited about. So what she was doing, not only was it probably part of something I meant to do on on Earth, because I've made a beautiful friendships with the deaf community. And then now I teach sign language lessons. But it gave me a way to heal. So that's a big key for someone going through eating disorders is to find a passion. So you could switch your focus from your eat disorder to a new passion.
Tamara Anderson 26:30
Wow, I never would have guessed that. That's so fascinating. I love that your sister explaining to you that you still had amazing things that you were going to do that it kind of gave you a vision of who you could become. And that gave you the will to live for that. Yeah, the desire to, to help other people. And, and I feel the same way. Often, you know, I think that's kind of what's given me the drive to start this podcast, write my own story, because it's not easy. It really is a labor of love. And there has to be that desire, that motivating factor and so I think it's really cool that that was yours as well. It's I want to help other people who have been in a hard spot. Yeah. And that that, because you know how bad that feels, right?
Haley Freeman 27:21
Yeah, you bet.
Tamara Anderson 27:23
We're gonna take a quick break. But when we get back, we'll have more lessons, tips and things you can apply to your life. Stay tuned. Hey, friends, I need your help. After podcasting, my stories of hope and hard time podcast for three and a half years and over 150 episodes by myself, I've decided that with the growth and everything I'm doing, I can't do it by myself anymore. And so I am looking for three brave individuals to join me in my labor of love, and helping spread God's light to the world that people can get through hard times with his help. So if you resonate with that message and would love to help me spread my message of hope to the world, I'm looking for three key people. And they are first a producer to help me produce the podcast, get things scheduled and stuff like that second, a writer to help me make things look all pretty in the writing part of it. Third, a social media person who can help me make social media things look awesome and pretty and you don't have to have any podcasting experience to help me with these things. Just a love of God and trying to help your fellow man. So if you're interested in helping me out reach out to me at Tamara t a M AR a the letter K. Anderson with an O N author@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. And even if you have a little bit of time it would be awesome to have some helpers thanks guys.
Haley Freeman 28:54
So in the hospital but when we first got there especially my the doctors told my parents she's not going to live like she's not going to live she's way too far gone her liver kidneys are failing her hearts gonna stop and then they said but like if by a miracle she lives her brain is so far gone and psychotic there's just no coming back from that.
Haley Freeman 29:18
And my parents like well, we believe in miracles and and that's what happened and and I came back to to heal completely physically and mentally with no deficits no deficits at all. And, and then when I returned home, it took the process of you know, counseling and things like that for a while and and to dig up stuff, all those 10 headed monsters right that you have under there. I had to dig those all up through counselling and kill all those monsters. But guess what, I am completely recovered and healed.
Haley Freeman 29:54
And I know some people are like, like, you know, any disorders are gonna be with you your whole life. but it's it's not the case in my, in my situation you can heal there is hope for a full full recovery from eating disorders and to leave it behind forever. there's hope and there's healing in it. There really, really is.
Tamara Anderson 30:16
Wow. So would you say then that the key to complete healing besides miracles, obviously involving God and your healing? Was, was that you needed to get professional help?
Haley Freeman 30:31
Absolutely, yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Put like, like I said, before I got that help. I kept thinking, Oh, I can do it myself. I can do it myself. You can't! That's a lie. That I think that's a lie that, yeah. That Satan or whoever your own mind wants to put in your brain that you can do it yourself. But you can't. You really need treatment? And you need to, you know, go through what those underlining things and get help. And I think a big help is, like I said, finding that passion, finding what you love to stairway, that. So you don't feel like that's your identity anymore. Because the big thing for people is like if I'm not the anorexic, and who am I? You know?
Tamara Anderson 31:14
Yeah. So let me ask you this. Are there counselors that are specifically trained to deal with eating disorders? And how do you find them in your area?
Haley Freeman 31:27
So there's, there's a lot of centers that do end treatment patient, or outpatient treatments, like actual centers, you can but then there's also just counseling, you can just Google that they'll say in their tree in their training that any disorder specific training, so that's something that you can just search, and there's absolutely people that are trained specifically for it. And I would recommend finding that for sure.
Tamara Anderson 31:49
Yeah. Yeah. Because I was, as you were talking about that I'm like, this is like, super specific. You know what I mean? Like, you need super specific help. And the good news is, it's out there it in. And so just look for it, get help. And if you are a parent, say for example, who has a child who is struggling with an eating disorder, what would you say to the parents, so I mean, obviously, your mom never gave up, but
Haley Freeman 32:18
Never give up, never give up! Yeah, something that I wanted to add in this podcast I've never addressed before, that was kind of feeling that prompting to maybe share this is like, maybe like something that your daughter with an eating disorder maybe wants to say to you or your son wants to say, but they can't. So there's a few things: This disorder is it's super ugly, it destroys not only your body, but it destroys your soul, your personality, it destroys relationships, it makes it so you don't even know how to communicate with the people you love anymore. It will turn people that that used to be like your sweet kind, daughter into someone who is lying to you and is no longer able to like, have those fun, joyful times with you because they're just in this dark, hurtful place.
Haley Freeman 33:16
But I want it I know they're in there. And they're saying to you, I'm still here, I'm still your daughter. I'm just dealing with some hard stuff right now. And I don't mean to be acting this way. I don't want to act this way. It's the disorder is the disorder that's making me hide in my room, and not be able to enjoy the things we used to enjoy as a family. But I'm still here, and I want help. And please don't give up on me, I'm still here. And once your daughter or son gets that treatment, they'll be back and that light will come back. And the relationships they have will return and just don't give up on them. So that's one thing I wanted to share.
Haley Freeman 34:05
The second thing is when your daughter or a son gets further and in recovery, something to help them be more successful in their recovery. And this is something that man I see this again and again and again with people in in treatment and recovery and post recovery. They say the number one thing that is hard for them to continue in the recovery is if their mom or family members are still dieting. Oh, so if you think of how into disorder addiction, right, and a lot of times they go to AAA that right along with alcoholic people with drug addictions. If you had a family member that went away to AAA, struggling with abusive of substances, alcohol, drugs, they came home would you We'll be drinking in front of them. Would you have like a beer alcohol around them? Would you be like, would you have their friends with their? Like they did drugs with around them? No, no, I
Tamara Anderson 35:13
Heavens! Stay far away from that. Right?
Haley Freeman 35:16
Right. And it's the same. It people with eating disorders, it's an it's addiction, it's so triggering and painful for them to be around people that are constantly talking about dieting, talking about, Oh, I lost five pounds last night or this this month, are are talking about, oh, I need to lose weight, or oh, let me go exercise I need to burn off this, these calories, it is so triggering. And it is so painful. They need you to be on their side. They need when you're talking like that. And they're in an environment of this diet mentality. They feel betrayed. And they need to have an environment that's clean of that stuff. And that is the thing that I see again and again and again, of recovering patients that say, I count my going to recover if my mom's always dieting. So that's just a Food for Thought there.
Tamara Anderson 36:10
Wow, I was just thinking that that is such good advice for parents or loved ones up someone who is recovering is is maybe you need to pause and think about your health and what you need to do, so that you're not triggering them, you know? So it's almost like, Oh, yes, your loved one needs counseling. But you might too. You might need some healthy pointers and learn to be okay, so what what would you say, is important as far as gaining self worth, especially with what your body looks like, genetically? What What would you say, to help people gain a more confidence in who they are.
Haley Freeman 37:06
So that's when I have written my books is because they have so many parenting tips at the end of children's books, especially for parents to just do self esteem building exercises with their children. And one of the huge, huge ones is children learn from their parents, they learned from their examples of their parents. One of my favorite quotes is from Naomi Wolf. And this is this is what her quote is: "a mother who radiates self love, and acceptance, actually vaccinate her daughter against low self esteem."
Tamara Anderson 37:42
Ooh, would you read that one more time? That was really good. Like, I want to hear it again.
Haley Freeman 37:48
Yeah, a mother who radiates self love and acceptance, actually vaccinate her daughter against low self esteem.
Tamara Anderson 37:56
Wow. That's powerful. Right? So so obviously, I know that this is something that I've watched people that I love struggle with. So what do you think is the key then to being comfortable in your own skin?
Haley Freeman 38:17
So yeah, I it's all about switching that brain talk. So when you yourself talk, so when you are thinking, oh, man, I hate the way I look at this. Oh, I'm so glad I'm so glad to catch it, catch it and say I'm not going to think like this anymore. For my own good. And then my children's good. So catch it, and then reverse it. And say, you know what, I am beautiful. I love the way I am I my body is so powerful, and it's so good. And that's what I love about it is thinking your body is good, your body is good. It you know helps you your arms just have appreciation and gratitude for what your body does. Your your arms help you hold your baby, it helps you cook, you know helps you around dysfunction, your legs help you you know to walk and serve others and just know your body is good.
Haley Freeman 39:10
And so it's all about catching those negative thoughts, just catching them being aware of them so you can change them. And like I said, I so what happened was why I started my children's books is really the so I because I also first I wrote my my story, right? That was all about everything. I was kind of telling you about lots more details. And then I would start speaking at women's conferences and schools and things like that, but I'd have parents come up to me and say you want it is my first grader who is having low self esteem raise my second grader who was getting bullied because of their weight, or issues like that.
Haley Freeman 39:48
And so that's why I started writing my children's books. And I wanted them to be a tool like just like you're saying a powerful tool because not just a fun story. There's a fun story at the beginning but the And there's tools. So parents can do these self esteem building exercises for themselves and for their children. And then there's, so there's the exercises they can do with their children, and then tips for parents. So hopefully we can help stop some of these issues before they're created.
Tamara Anderson 40:16
Oh, I love that. What a fantastic resource because I think you're right. Parents strongly influence how their children view the world. And so if we, as women, and as mothers, or fathers are constantly talking bad about our bodies, then our kids will pick up on that follow that same pattern, but we can change it. And that's, that's the message of hope is that it's not too late. Yeah. When change? Yeah. And that same pattern of healing can then be passed on, right? Yeah.
Haley Freeman 40:50
But I'm a firm believer, and when we know better, we do better. And that's what I'm hoping to share with everybody. So yeah, and what's really exciting. So I wrote my second one that's called From Head toTummy. And then my new new new release is Lily's Reflection, and it is a true beauty Princess story. But what's really cool about that one is I did it along with my niece, and she did all the illustrations. And she was only 14 When she started it. And she did a beautiful job, beautiful, like when you look at it, you will never teenager did it, because she's so remarkable and talented. And if you go on my Facebook page, I had her do a little video with me, where she showed how she did the illustrations and the step by steps. It blew my mind was so incredible. And one thing that I think is extra special about her and her story is her little brother has leukemia. And he battled that for many years. And it was before COVID When he was first diagnosed, and so they had to do quarantine, before any of us knew what quarantine was,
Tamara Anderson 42:06
God bless them.
Haley Freeman 42:10
And so she really couldn't, you know, just go out and you know, go with her friends or go to ballet classes, stuff like that. So she just really honed in her skill of art and illustrating. And wow, what a talent that girl has. And I'm just so excited to share it with everybody.
Tamara Anderson 42:27
Oh, my goodness, yes. What a journey you've had, oh, my goodness. And thank you for for choosing to come back and to make a difference in the world because we need you and we need your message. And this is so important, especially to those who are struggling right this minute with this very issue. So now before we go, do you have a Bible verse that has become meaningful to you through your up and down journey? Figuring out, do I stay? Or do I go? You know, all of that.
Haley Freeman 43:03
Yeah. So when I struggled so much throughout my heart, you know, the hard times the Depression, depression, John 14:18, meant so much to me was, I will not leave you comfortless I will come to you. And I believed it. I believed Christ. I believed my Savior when I read that. And that pulled me through all the dark moments.
Tamara Anderson 43:32
Oh, that's so powerful. Now, how do we find you and your books because I know that there's going to be people out there like, Okay, I've got to buy this book, like right now. So where do we find it? Where do we find you?
Haley Freeman 43:47
So you can go to my website, which is Hailey H freeman.com. My name is HALEY. Haley, H freeman.com. And on Amazon, all my books on Amazon. And you'll find me on Facebook and Instagram.
Tamara Anderson 44:05
Oh, wonderful. Haley, this has been so amazing. And I think one of the things that I've just realize the most is the power of one person, you know that one person can make such a big difference, even if the back end of your story was hard and awful. That That doesn't mean you can't turn it around and become such a powerful voice for good. So thank you for being that example. Seriously.
Haley Freeman 44:38
Yeah, that means a lot. Thank you.
Tamara Anderson 44:39
Thank you Haley for coming on today. I will make sure to include links to her website and her books in the show notes for today's show. And you can get them and if you have somebody in mind that you know who is struggling with this or who has a child who's struggling with this. Be sure to share this episode with them so that they too can have that hope. that their child can recover from an eating disorder.
Tamara Anderson 45:04
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time, and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website stories of hope podcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared or quote, or a scripture verse that they really really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling with hope to carry on and have the strength to keep going. When things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, Remember God loves you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai