Teinamarrie Scuderi: A More Loving World Starts with Me
Teinamarrie dreamed about competing in a Miss America pageant and making a difference in the world. She did both, and teaches us how to love all people—including those who have AIDS and are LGBTQ+. But love must always start within ourselves.
Episode Discussion Points
Her experience with the Miss America Program
How she learned to be elegant (for a tom girl)
Why she kept going even when she didn’t win
The question she asked the judges about wearing swimsuits and their answer
The amazing lessons learned doing Miss America Personal Development Seminars
Competing with yourself, and do better than you did before
Walking and presenting yourself elegantly and with confidence
Core values like integrity, family, truthfulness, loyalty
Confidence comes from setting and reaching little goals
The power of setting goals
Interview skills
Importance of being punctual
The cool thing about learning skills is they stay with you the rest of your life, whereas wearing a crown is one and done.
How her work in college with the Utah AIDS foundation led her to learn to love people unconditionally
Why it is important to learn to love without conditions
You can love people and not like them or agree with them.
"The opposite of love is fear.”
Why she and her husband started Transgender Education Advocates of Utah back in 2003
Her journey to love people as they are and not judge.
To overcome a fear of people you need to first learn about them, and second interact with them and not have them be a faceless person.
Keys to loving people—especially those who have hurt you
Love yourself
Forgive yourself and others
Don’t judge or assume--Remembering you don’t know others situation
Put yourself in their shoes
Be brave to shine and be your best self. "Don’t dim your sparkle."
Favorite Quotes
“It wasn’t about that crown. It wasn’t about the title, it wasn’t about the scholarship money. It was about helping us become the absolute possible woman we could be.”
One of Teinamarrie’s coaches taught her, “We are not in competition with everybody else. We are in competition with ourselves.”
“There is only one me. No one can compete with me.”
“Shift out of road rage and shift into love”
"If I want a more loving, welcoming, compassionate world, it starts with me.
Resources Teinamarrie Recommends
Any book or seminar by Tony Robbins
'The Game of Life and How to Play It' by Florence Scovel Shinn
'Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts'
Connect with Teinamarrie
Website:Teinamarrie’s Treasures https://www.teinamarrie.com/
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #love #selflove #loveothers #AIDS #HIV #LGBTQ #transgender
Transcription
Teinamarrie 0:03
My mom was a single mom. So I grew up not knowing who my biological dad was. And so I felt like there was a piece missing. That whole learning to love myself as a whole person has really been the key for me. The more I love myself, I find, the more I can love others.
Tamara Anderson 0:25
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
Our guest today is a veritable powerhouse, no matter what she's involved with. There have been many things through the years that she's been involved with. She always manages to raise it to a new level with her positivity, progressive and forward way of thinking outside the box, for more effective and beneficial results. Her integrity is unparalleled. She has no problem holding people accountable, especially those in positions of leadership and authority, to ensure that the best results are made. Through all this, she really is all things rainbows, unicorns, and glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. All that is not just to help her feel good and joyful, but to spread that sunshine and joy to others as well. I'm pleased to present Teinamarrie Scuderi. Teinamarrie, are you ready to share your story of hope?
Teinamarrie 1:46
I am. I’m so excited to be here.
Tamara 1:49
This is so fun. One of the cool things about Teinamarrie that I absolutely find amazing is that she was involved with some amazing Miss America pageants. So you have to kind of tell me the story of what that was like, and how you got into that, and lessons you learned from that, because that's just, that's such a unique thing. So I'd love to hear your perspective on that.
Teinamarrie 2:13
Well, truly, it was the one of the most phenomenal, incredible experiences of my life. Like I truly, that was a time of my life that shaped who I was. I truly owe a lot of who I am as a woman to the Miss America program. Well, my coaches and the people in my experiences because of being involved in the Miss America program. So I don't know about you, but I remember as a little girl watching the Miss America Pageant on TV. I do remember when we, here in Utah, had our one and only Miss Utah win Miss America. That is Sharlene Wells, and she went in 1984. I remember watching that and thinking, “She's blonde, she's from Utah. See, I can do that.” So I thought, “Yes, I want to grow up and be Miss America.” I also wanted to be the first female president. I no longer want to be that. If I had another opportunity to be Miss America, I would probably still do that. Unfortunately, I'm too old to be Miss America now though.
So anyway, I happened to just, I found, I think it was in one of the local little papers, the Wasatch Journal or something like that. I found an ad looking for Miss Salt Lake Valley. So I did that. So I applied and did the pageant. I had no idea what I was doing. Well, actually, I had done a couple Junior Miss pageants when I was in junior high, which aren’t really the same. They're different. It was fun. You know, everybody in my junior high, we all did it. So it was fun. But Miss America was a different, different level. I knew I wanted to go to college. I was going to college. So I needed scholarship money. I needed money to pay for college, so I knew winning pageants, I could get scholarship money, in addition to all of the other really wonderful things. So I did the Miss Salt Lake Valley, there was only five of us. My first time, it was definitely an interesting experience. The woman who won, we all pretty much knew she was going to win. So it was an interesting thing. She had participated before. She knew everybody. Her and her brothers and sister were part of a local band. So it was pretty much, it was like, “All right, I'm still learning a lot.” Like I learned, you know, the elegant way to sit because, okay, tomboy. I’m in a tank top and shorts. That's probably what I'm most comfortable in 80% of the time. So I do like dressing up. I just didn't know how or how much I enjoyed it until doing the pageant.
So I did the pageant. Well, fun fact, that pageant, Sharlene Wells Hawkes, now, was one of the judges. So it was amazing to get judged by the woman that inspired me. I had watched Vanessa Williams, too. I've watched Miss America for many years. So, to have my very first pageant of Miss America be judged by her, was just an amazing experience. Not winning or anything, it's totally fine. Because being able to say that I was judged by her, and just learning more about her, and her experience as Miss America and stuff, was phenomenal. It was great, though. Again, my first pageant, it was kind of, “Oh, I'm not so sure. All right, I'll do it again.” I'm one of those people that's like, “Let's do something and like, alright, let's do it again. Let's see.” So then I found, again, an ad for Miss Salt Lake County. I had to keep calling the director, could not get the director to call me back. The name was Kelly. I, of course, assumed it was a woman. Nope, it was a guy.
So he finally gets back to me. So I do Miss Salt Lake County. At the time, Miss Salt Lake County was the largest local pageant in Miss Utah. It was huge. I was the last contestant. I was number 26 or 27. Like I said, my first pageant had five. Second pageant, 26. So night and day difference. I did it. I was like, “Alright, this is fun.” There was a lot more people, more fun. The current one who was the Miss Salt Lake County was actually Miss Utah. So she was there. So it was really, very high quality. It was just phenomenal. I learned a lot. I had a lot of fun. Like it was fun. I didn't win at all, like I didn't even come close to placing, which was fine, though. Again, cool part about that one, being the last contestant, one of the judges was from the Miss New York State pageant, who worked with Vanessa Williams, who coached her and got her to Miss America. So, my first two experiences like the two Miss Americas at that time, that I really knew. I mean, there were some others. Those are the two that really, as a little girl, stuck with me.
So they have a tradition back east. The last contestant during the interview process gets to ask the judges one question. So I was the last contestant. I was like, “Great. Okay.” Being the feminist that I was, like, “Why do we have to wear swimsuits?” I mean, I asked them a lot more elegant, of course. Okay. My question is that, that's easy. One question is, “Why do you have us wear swimsuits?” And the response from all the judges, but especially him, was, “Because we need to see two things. One, how confident are you?” Because if you can walk around in a bathing suit, and Miss America at that time, it was a very nice, well fitted, one piece suit. And then we had to wear heels to make it more elegant and stuff. Because again, we can see how confident you are walking around in a swimsuit. Because you can hide behind the pretty dresses, you can hide behind your interviewer, or your talent, or something that you're passionate about. So your confidence, we can truly see from wearing this when you're in the swimsuit. The other thing is, Miss America is a physically demanding job. Most people don't realize how demanding it is. When you are Miss America, you start the moment they crown you. You go right into a press conference. It's nonstop press conferences, and traveling, and you don't see your family for a year. You work seven days a week. You are all over the place. You are representing Miss America. You are their spokesperson. So you got to be able to just go, and be in front of the media, and get asked the questions, and just to have that stamina. I was like, “Oh.”
Then we did the swimsuit part. So we start with interview, then you do swimsuit, and then you do talent, and then you do evening wear. Anyway, fast forward. Of course, didn't win and had a great time. It was a lot of fun. I'm giving the project director, Kelly, a hug goodbye. He whispers in my ear and goes, “Are you going to compete again?” I'm like, “Oh, no.” He's like, “I think you should and I want to coach you. Call me.” Okay. And sure enough, from that point on, he and I became the best friends. He's one of those people that, because of being in Miss America, I got to meet him. He helped mold me, helped me gain skills. One of his Miss Salt Lake Counties, and her step down, that I helped get prepared for Miss Utah, she said the one year of doing Miss Salt Lake County with Kelly and Stan, because they were co-directors, was like a four year degree. Like, I can look back, and just the time working with him, I learned so much from him.
Then I met other amazing people. My friend Maya, my friend Martha, and Martha's daughters, I got to meet them. One of her daughters was Miss Utah, too, who was one of my favorite Miss Utahs. It's just the people that I met, they genuinely helped, like, they wanted women to grow into these amazing women. It wasn't about that crowd. It wasn't about the title. It wasn't about the scholarship money. It was helping us become the absolute possible women we could possibly be. The workshops we did, the personal development workshops. Yes, we did the whole “Here's how you walk elegantly and in four inch heels.” Because at the time there was certain requirements. I think they've loosened on some of the requirements. There was a specific Miss America turn. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was a whole workshop. Here's the Miss America turn in heels. I did wash dishes and vacuum the floor to learn how to walk gracefully in heels. I wore tennis shoes, like yeah, tennis shoes and dance shoes. My only high kinda heeled shoes I would wear for proms and school dances, or my tap shoes for dance company. There was no four inch heels. No. Walking up and down stairs in four inch heels.
One of the my coaches said, and this is what I loved, I learned from her, was, “We're not in competition with everybody else. We are in competition with ourselves.” That's how I've always felt. So that's why I really don't understand all of these, especially women, who are so negative, competitive mode, to where they're catty. And then, “Me, me, me, and take somebody out.” It's like, “But you're not in my competition. We're not in the same.” I have a business coach now that I'm working with. She basically says the same thing. Like, there are tons of coaches in our group, and she's a coach. She's like, “I'm fine.” She says people ask her, “How do you have these? Why do you coach other coaches? Don't you see them as competition?” She goes, “No, because there's only one me. No one can compete with me.” And that's something I learned in Miss America, is nobody can compete with me except myself. So the whole goal is to do better than you did before. I mean, yes, winning the title, and the money, the scholarship money and everything, that's wonderful. The whole point is as long as you improve, and you do better, that's really the point.
Tamara Anderson 13:59
Can I ask you just a quick follow up with that? Because I think this is something that people struggle with, just in general. Women, especially. I know men do as well, struggling with that self-worth and being confident inside. I can see that, you talk about the Miss America Pageant as really helping you kind of settle into finding your best self and being your best self. What are some of the things that you feel they taught you in some of these workshops or however else you guys practice or learned that helped you realize, “I can be comfortable in my own skin, and sparkle?” Because that's what, really, your theme is now, helping people sparkle, their own sparkle. What are some of those things?
Teinamarrie 14:43
One was we did core values. One of the pageants, it was Miss West Valley, when I competed in Miss West Valley, we did our core values. So interesting side note, in pageants, a lot of the workshops we did and stuff were NLP based, which I didn't understand or know. So NLP is neuro linguistic programming. Okay, so jump forward, that's what I use. NLP has shown up lots, and now I'm actually certified. And that's what I use in my workshops because I am a certified practitioner. So I can utilize these and help people find their inner treasures and sparkle. For me, I just wanted to share how these things have shown up in my life all the way past Miss America. So we did core values, and I still have, from many years ago, 20 years ago, I have my core values. Sure enough, it still sticks. Like, one of them was integrity. Integrity is one of those that has stuck with me. For a lot of them, especially being in Utah, it was family. Family was a huge thing. But for me, it was honesty, and integrity, and truthfulness, and loyalty. To me, all of that is wrapped up into integrity too. So I learned that that was one of the big ones, is our core values. Other workshops that we did, it was confidence building. Even the walking in the heels, that is confidence building, and being secure in who you are, because those heels are not easy to walk in.
Tamara Anderson 16:28
No, they are not. I was gonna say, it's interesting that you mentioned that. Sometimes, and I've noticed this in myself, if I set like a little goal to do something, and then I accomplish it, something like, gosh, if you told me I had to walk in four inch heels, it would have to be like a major goal for me because I don't do that very well. I like flat, uncomfortable shoes. But I can see how if you set a goal to do something, and then you accomplish it, it’s like, “Hey, I did it.” It's that natural boost of confidence, like, “Oh, I did something I never thought I could do.” So I can see how learning to walk in four inch heels, setting that goal, accomplishing it, would naturally boost your confidence in yourself. Well, if I can do this, maybe I can learn the Miss America turn. You know what I mean? If I can do this, I can do something else. Continuously setting maybe a harder goal or something like that, so that you can then accomplish that. Does that make sense?
Teinamarrie 17:37
It does. Exactly. That's actually what happened for me. Back to my friend Ken Berry, the judge from Miss New York, was having that confidence to walk in this swimsuit, just all around. And it did. So, of course when you wear the pretty gown, the evening gown, that's with all the sequins and the rhinestones. You are being naturally filled, or at least I was. Like yes, I loved it and look at me, I’m floating on clouds. I mean, that was something, too, we learned. When you walked, as contestants, it was floating on clouds. That was something that has stuck with me and I still use today. I actually tell the women in the bridal parties, “You're floating on clouds.” It's a visual, it helps. I watch people go, “Oh!” Because I know it worked for me. Yeah, so floating on clouds, though. The more confident I was in the swimsuit, if I could walk out there on stage in a swimsuit and like, “Yeah!” You know, you have the people doing the cat calls or what have you. And I'm still like, “I'm rocking it.” Like, cool. When you put on the evening gown, of course you're even more elegant and more confident. Part of the evening gown is we would get asked the question, we wouldn't know what question, on stage in front of everybody, just like they do in Miss America. That part I always loved. I have always loved it, but again, building your confidence. Like you said, setting the goal and being able to walk in the four inch heels. Also that confidence comes through in your talent. So I did dancing because I'm a dancer and loved it. So it helped me. It just is a ripple effect. It just affected everything.
Goals was another thing. We had to hear certain things that we learned on goals and how to set better goals. Interview skills, my interview skills are amazing. They might be a little rusty because I really haven't done much, but back then, I could have walked in and for the most part, be one of the top if I didn't get the job. I could have been one of the top people. Like I always, always, always scored high on interview. My interview I scored super high. I knew I was great in that. I have the gift.
Tamara Anderson 20:05
Yeah, being able to speak confidently, yes. Awesome.
Teinamarrie 20:07
And be able to ask all sorts of questions. I was reading the newspaper, because back then we didn't have the internet. We didn't have Google. So, you know, I had to read the newspaper and, you know, stay up to date, and CNN and all of that. And the other thing was timeliness and punctuality. Oh my gosh, I was always late for stuff. We pretty much got told, if you care about anything, you show up 15 minutes early. So “on time” was 15 minutes early. So kind of like the military. Yeah, it was pretty much you show up. Because how you show up, if you show up on time, it just helps the rest play. So when I showed up on time, the 15 minutes early, I had that time to be calm and prep myself. I could walk in the heels, I felt more confident, I stood taller. It just helped all the way around.
Those are all skills that stay with you. The crown, it's a one time, like you can only be Miss America once. I think you can only be Miss Utah once. Like it's a one and done. That's it, you get up one time. Those skills are lifetime. I had a lot of people who knew me, my friends are like, “Why are you doing this?” Because I want to. It's Miss America. I’m young, and yes, it's about the pretty dresses, and the crown, and all that, but it was something I wanted to do. They're like, “But you're such a feminist.” Because I was. I'm all about women's rights. I'm all about equality, and equity, and let's all be fair to each other. That's why the swimsuit thing, and so it was nice to be able to have that answer. So yeah, but I now know that I have the confidence. I know I need to work on my physical fitness, which I knew I needed to anyway. The skills I gained from that I didn't learn in school, the high school. I really wish we taught those in high school. I didn't learn them when I was attending the U or Salt Lake Community College. Actually, some of them I didn't learn until I started doing, like my NLP training. Because I had those skills, it helped me to do other stuff. But yeah, these are skills that, they're not taught. That's also why, realizing now, I truly feel by sharing those gifts, and teaching women those skills in different ways. They need to be in fun, bite sized ways. Because especially now we have such short attention spans, we need to have it in bite size. And this can be fun. So it can be easily digestible and usable.
I have spent years and lots, hundreds of dollars, if not 1000s of dollars, attending workshops and purchasing this online course, and this book, and doing this and that. Some of it is great. I mean, it's all wonderful. But unless I had the support system, and unless I had that constant accountability, not gonna keep doing it. Because some of it, if it takes more than an hour to do, really not going to do it. But honestly, if it takes more than 10 minutes, most of us aren't going to do it, especially now. So yeah, all of that from Miss America has helped me go, “Okay, get me to here.” I know that was kind of a long explanation.
Tamara Anderson 24:03
I have some follow up questions in there because I think these are things and skills, and you've totally changed my perspective about the Miss America Pageant. I remember watching them when I was little too. It is always fun to dress up and pretend, they look like princesses up on the stage. So channel your inner princess, you know. But it's neat to hear the values and the skills that you learned that made you so confident and helped you do that. Because your growing up circumstance wasn't ideal. You grew up with a single mom. You were able to go from that to this confident, amazing woman who now is inspiring others. I just think that is quite a journey, to start where you started and to end up where you are, and now to be at a point in your life where you can help and lift and inspire others. I think that's an incredible journey.
I think, yeah, we're gonna take a quick break. But when we get back, we're going to have Teinamarrie share with us two amazing types of people she's been able to work with that have taught her to better love all people.
Are you looking for a gift for a friend, sister, or mother who is really struggling right now and you're not sure what to get them? It's hard for me to sometimes find those gifts. So today, I'm so excited to tell you about this booklet, “The Mother’s Mite.” It's a perfect, simple, inexpensive gift you can give your friends, your family, your sisters, anyone that you want to share this story with, and it will be meaningful. It's not just a little piece of candy that they eat and forget. It's something they can read over and over again. Because so often, we as women feel alone, and overwhelmed, and burdened, and like there's so many things weighing upon our shoulders. What I love about this story is that it points us to Jesus Christ in times of trouble, that He understands us. He loves us, He knows what we're going through, and He is more than willing to help us bear that burden. I love that about this story, that it gives, not only me hope, but it will convey that sense of hope for all of you. So get your copy of it today at tamarakanderson.com/store. You can order one, two, ten, twenty, however many you want, and we will get those to you so you can get them distributed. All right, now on to our show.
And we're back. I've been talking to Teinamarrie Scuderi about the many experiences she had during her Miss America Pageant years. Now we're transitioning to another aspect of Teinamarrie’s journey, which is all about love. Now, one of the other things that I love about you is that you have an incredible love for all people. Why don't you tell me a little bit about why you feel so passionate about loving all people, and how that feeds into your sparkle mission now?
Teinamarrie 27:26
So I didn't always love all people. Let’s be honest, I didn't always love all people. I definitely didn't. In my 20s I didn't love all people. In my 20s I was very involved doing HIV/AIDS education, and working with campus AIDS projects up at the U, and Utah AIDS Foundation, and then American Red Cross. So my 20s were in the 90s. HIV and AIDS were not talked about, really. I can remember when I worked for Utah AIDS Foundation, we weren't allowed to leave messages for people because you couldn't say anything about Utah AIDS Foundation, because of the stigma. Any of the mail, there were times it didn't have a return address. They couldn’t have logos, they couldn't be out there and do billboards. They just started to do billboards in the mid 90s, because of the stigma, because of the prejudice and discrimination that happened.
To me, I think that's where I started to learn to love more people. To the best of my knowledge, when I got involved, I didn't know anybody that was HIV positive. What I knew was the Ryan White story, who was the young hemophiliac who got it from a blood transfusion. I watched his story and followed his story of how this poor boy, who, he wasn't contagious, yet could not go to school. Couldn't drink the drinking fountain. So, I mean, similar to the civil rights, you know, black people not being able to drink out of the same drinking fountain as white people. I've seen it with LGBTQ people, you know, gay and lesbians not being able to use the same bathroom. It doesn't rub off, okay? It's not a disease. It doesn't rub off. Especially with HIV, and I realized there was a lot we didn't know. What we were learning was a learning process. So that was my first bit. Why can't we love everybody?
So the people I didn't like were the people who didn't get it, who were so close minded. I really didn't like those people. And probably didn't love them. What I did learn from my friends who had HIV, and from working in that community and environment, back then, for some, they didn't know it was a death sentence. So the moment they were tested, and found out they were HIV positive, and then the diagnosis of full blown AIDS, and then death, for some could go months, or within a couple years. Now I do have friends that have been with me, and that we've become really close. They're part of my five. I have a top, not a top five, but a list of five people that I've always said, “The moment that those five people are gone, I'm out.” It would be too much for me to do. Because watching them die, and it was a horrendous death at times, and lonely, like so many of them died alone. So that's when I started to learn more like, why can't more people love? That's the part, is the people I didn't love were the people who couldn't love, which sure seems really odd.
So I was mad and angry, though, as I've gotten older and wiser, I've learned love is the most powerful energy, gift, tool, whatever you want to call it, feeling, emotion. Especially when it's unconditional. Because I mean, we all love. A lot of us are really unaware, I know I am, and I’m working on it, that we love with conditions. I'll love you, if you do this. I'll love you, if you fit in my box. Or I love you because you do XYZ. So for me now, that's my next level, of unconditional. I love people, even people that are have been horrible to me, I love them unconditionally. That doesn't mean I like them. That’s something totally different. Totally, totally, totally different things. Love and liking somebody are completely different. They don't always have to go hand in hand. So I really believe we can love everybody unconditionally. We don't have to like them, and we don't have to agree with them.
So the more I did the work, and especially the work I've done in the LGBTQ+ community. That's the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, plus community. I have learned the more I can come from a space of love, the better. Because, believe it or not, the opposite of love isn't hate. It's fear. Really, it’s fear. I actually learned that from a dear friend of mine, Bruce, who, when he talked about it, I went, “That's so true.” Because if you think about it, what do people hate? It's things they fear. Okay, now there is genuine hate. I do believe that there are some things, and people that genuinely have the hate. That is more of an emotion that is tied to, what I believe is more with anger and stuff. But the opposite, which people would think, love and anger are opposite. No, it's fear. Because once they don't fear something, they can love it. So once I learned to start thinking about that and learn that it's true, and I've watched it, the more I come from a space of love, especially the ones with fear, they're not so combative, they're not so defensive. They are more willing to at least come to the middle. We don't always have to agree. Like I said, they don't have to come to my side.
That's the work I saw with that. I saw this really happening with the work I did in the LGBTQ+ community, and especially with an organization that my husband and I and then other friends started back in 2003. Transgender Education Advocates of Utah. What that organization was started for, and it sets about to do other things, is to help those who were transitioning from one gender to the other. Back in 2003, there wasn't anything, really. Those are people I have watched, too, that's helped me learn or grow my capacity of love, of watching these people that are so miserable. I mean, there's parts about my body I'm not thrilled about. I mean, I weigh more than I would like there. I wish, you know, I was healthier and could climb stairs, and hike. There are things, absolutely, but you know what? I still love my body. I still love being female. I might, you know, be the tomboy female. I still love being female. I've watched these people who they truly, they hate and they despise. And to them, dying is a better option than living. So to watch them then be able to transition. When they realize that they're able, and have the body parts they desire to have, and watch that, the night and day difference. Then watch them truly be them, and just be these amazing people. Like, how could you not love those people? How could you not want to help them?
No, people don't understand. God doesn't make mistakes. You're born in the body God put you in. Okay? Though, I believe we're all souls, our bodies just packaging. It's our soul. Depending on the lifetime, like so I know, my soul is absolutely female. I know people that are transgender, that you can tell that their soul, I mean, just everything about them, just oozes opposite of what their body says. Like, you just know, you can tell that there's a disconnect. Then when they get to have their body fit, it's just, it's beautiful. So again, they're just human beings. Why can't we love? Why do we have to judge people based on a skin color, or religion, or a disease, or them not having been in the right body that they feel they should be in? That's not our journey. Why are we judging? Why can't we love them? Let them in a system. So yeah, I, again, speaking for the underdogs was like, “Alright, let's do this.” And we met with legislators that are mostly Republican, conservative, and close minded, mostly, because they don't have that experience. I'm not saying anything negative about those. It's just, I've watched them. Then, we could go and have the conversation with them, explaining that when people feel death is better than living, and explaining the difference, I've watched the walls come down and watched the fear dissipate. I've been blessed to be able to be part of that, to have watched that. That's what's helped me grow my love muscles, and just really have a space of love. Even more so, because I really believe if more people felt secure of who they were, knew that they were valued, and had self-worth, I just feel the more that we are in that space, that we're in a space of love, that we know what our passions are, and are in the space of following our passions, and finding our inner treasures, and knowing our value and self-worth, the better the world would be. We would not have the world we have right now. I'm not saying we would all have to be the same. We all still need to be individuals. Because quite honestly, if we all liked vanilla ice cream, that'd be so boring, wouldn't it though?
Tamara Anderson 38:03
It's good that we're different.
Teinamarrie 38:05
Yes. No, if we could just be in a space of love. I mean, right now, I'd be happy if we could all be in a space of love.
Tamara Anderson 38:11
I agree. I agree. So what I've learned listening to you share your story right now is that, it seems to me that there are at least two components to helping dispel fear of something that you don't understand. And one of them is education. Yeah. And then probably being introduced to people who are in that situation. Would that accurately describe it?
Teinamarrie 38:37
Yes. Because it's really easy to dislike and be judgmental of that person over there because you have no interaction. I see it happening a lot right now, over the years. I love the internet. I love Facebook, and TikTok. Well, TikTok I'm still figuring out, you know? Yeah, especially like Facebook and zoom. Oh my gosh, I love it. It has, in some ways, definitely has made our world smaller. Every Monday morning, I'm in a meeting with women from Canada, Netherlands, Egypt, all over the UK, Scotland, I think France. Like, that's amazing to me, that I get to do that every Monday morning. Prior to Zoom and internet, that would have never happened, right? Though, what I also see is it's such a disconnect because we don't have that face to face, and that human, that energetic exchange with people. So it's so much easier for people to be like, “Oh, I don't like you,” and attacking versus, once you put a face and be able to have that, see that person. So two incident situations. So like, my friends that when they started with HIV and AIDS education, I got to watch, again, people who, to the best of their knowledge, had never met somebody that was HIV positive, or had AIDS. I say, “to the best of their knowledge,” because we don't know, right? Being HIV positive, or having AIDS, being LGBTQ. You don't know. Just like you don't know somebody's religion necessarily, unless they wear something that's specific to that religion, right? I don't know. Yeah. Until you to actually know, and put the face, and they have watched people go, “Oh, so you're human, Oh, you remind me of my uncle. Oh, you remind me of my aunt. Oh, you remind me of my brother. Oh, you're a mom. I'm a mom.” It's that connection that we need.
So long ago, we would do what was called PWA panels, which is People Living With AIDS. Sad to say that we had to have these people go in to schools or do panels and they would share their experience. I would watch people who attended these events go, “Oh, well, you're just normal.” It was kind of like LG people, who are lesbian and gay, the whole coming out. It's like, “Oh, well, your partner is like my wife. Oh, you have the same issues. You fight over who's doing the dishes, or taking the trash out, or who's cooking dinner.” Once you just realize and take down those perceived assumptions, and judgments, and barriers, it does help. There's also the flip side that people just snap and go, “Oh, you're the enemy, I can't be around you.” Most of the time, what I have watched and experienced… I've watched it with people who are trans, because again, I can guarantee, I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that most of us have met at least one person, at least one person who is trans, who was actually transgender. What I mean by that is someone who is somewhere in the process of transitioning from one gender to the other. I can guarantee it.
Now transgender, that's a whole big umbrella, and we won't get into that. So what I mean by I can guarantee somebody has met somebody is because you don't know. I mean, you have no idea unless you know them really well, or unless they've disclosed. Like unless you've known them previously, like if you've known them, or they've disclosed to you, you don't know. I've watched it, you know, like these people, you have no idea. Like I can show you celebrities. That was part of what we would do with our trans 101, is we would show a whole bunch screenshots, pictures of different people, and ask people, “Which one is trans? Who do you think is trans?” And they'd be like, “Oh, none of them.” Guess what? All of them were. Or maybe there was one who wasn't. You wouldn't know, unless they come out and they tell you that. And again, every single one of us, just like, every single one of us prior to it being more open and accepting, all knew somebody that was lesbian, gay, or bisexual. All of us know somebody that's HIV positive, I can guarantee you, on every single one of those things.
Tamara Anderson 43:46
So we've established that it's important, first of all, to educate yourself, especially if it's something you fear, or don't know enough about. Educate yourself and talk to somebody, try to get a connection, so that you feel like you have a better understanding of it. Because the more we learn, and I found this, even with diseases like autism. When my son was first diagnosed with autism, it scared me. Like I don't want to talk about it. But the more I've learned, I mean, to the point now, where I am a huge proponent of autism. It's just a matter of educating yourself and having connection to someone who has it. It goes the same way and learning that you can love people with all different disabilities, challenges, whatever they're going through, you can love them.
What would you say is the key, then, to learning to love people who you're struggling to love? Because I know you said that you're on your path moving forward and you've obviously overcome some obstacles in your life. What are some of the things you found that have helped you overcome these barriers when perhaps somebody has hurt your feelings or something like that? What are some things that you have done to overcome those barriers?
Teinamarrie 45:05
The biggest thing is I've got to love myself. Wworking on self-love has been a huge thing. Ss you said, my mom was a single mom. So I grew up not knowing who my biological dad was. So I felt like there was a piece missing. My mom and I have talked about this. Then she remarried an amazing man who loved my brother and I as his own. Wonderful dad. He was our dad, so. But I grew up feeling like there were pieces missing, because I watched everybody out. So that whole learning to love myself as a whole person has really been the key for me. The more I love myself, I find the more I can love others.
Another piece is forgiveness, especially when they have caused harm to me or someone I love, or been so awful towards me. Forgiveness for them, forgiveness for myself, which most of us forget that we need to forgive ourselves. So it has really been working on, truly, the more I can love myself, the more I can love them. The other things, too, are I don't know their situation. I remind Christopher all the time while we're doing driving, and he gets all irritated with people on the road and stuff. I'm like, “We don't know their situation. We don't know why they're racing. We don't know if they just got the call that their partner's having a baby and they have to get there. We don't know if their loved one, they got that call that you’ve got to be getting here.” We don't know. So again, not making assumptions. That's a big key. Just no judgments and no assumptions. Because we don't know, really and truly, we don't know. So if we could just love and send them love. That's one of the things we do. We're like, “May you arrive safely to your destination and everybody around you and sending you love.” That's what we do. Yeah, shifting our road rage, it's to shift in love. It's a constant, being consciously aware of what your thoughts are and what you're putting out there. That's another thing to be able to love. It's a conscious effort. Like I said, I'm really working on going more and more of being able to love everybody no matter what. There are days it's very challenging, very challenging. Then there are some people that “Oh, my gosh!” And I take a deep breath. I remember they're human. They’re somebody's sister. They’re somebody’s daughter. They’re somebody’s mom. They’re somebody's uncle. They’re somebody's brother. They matter to somebody. I wish them well. I may wish them well, far away from me. That's something I learned from my mom. I wish them well, far away from me. They can go live their happy life.
And I do, I wish for everybody to be happy. Because again, if I'm holding on to anger, and judgment, and all of that towards people, and not forgiving people, I'm not creating the world I want. So it is back to me being accountable, and being consciously aware of this is the world I want. I want to create a world, and I was put here on Earth, I truly believe this, to help create that world, to make that change, have a more loving, welcoming, compassionate world. It starts with me. So I take a deep breath. Breathing is key. Breathing, deep breaths, count to ten, whoever came up with that, or just put that out there, brilliant. So yeah, those are the things. The other thing I do is, how would I feel if somebody was reacting the way I was going to react towards them? I wouldn't like it. I've been through several situations where people who didn't know me believed what other people were saying online, and trashing me, and what have you. And they all believe them. They've never taken the opportunity to get to know me. I know that doesn't feel well. So why would I want to put that out there when I know it doesn't fill well? So it's that remembering I don't know their situation and putting myself in their shoes of sorts. I wouldn't like people doing that to me.
Tamara Anderson 49:33
That Golden Rule, right?
Teinamarrie 49:34
Yes. As soon as I learned that, it was like, “Well, duh.” So of course, my logical brain is, “Well, why doesn’t everybody? It's so easy.” Like, I'm not gonna be mean to you because I don't want you to be mean to me. I mean, it's so simple and easy.
Tamara Anderson 49:55
But it's so hard to do.
Teinamarrie 50:00
I don’t understand it. That's why I'm in that space that I just love, love, love, love, the more we could just be in this space of love.
Tamara Anderson 50:11
Yeah, no, this is this is amazing and, and I loved as you were talking there how you started with that one of the keys is learning to love ourselves. And I think that's something that is harder to do sometimes. Because we know ourselves, the good, bad, and the ugly, right. But I love how you talked about changing the way you think and that we have that control over our own minds. When we see ourselves slipping into things, like not thinking positively about someone, we can change that thought, you know, both about ourselves and about others, you know, and it's good. So let me ask you, this feeds into, Teinamarrie has this amazing Teinamarrie’s Treasures. It’s an online store. Tell us all about what you do and what Teinamarrie’s Treasures is, because this has just become your mission in life, to help people love themselves and sparkle in their own unique way.
Teinamarrie 51:13
So it's my name, Teinamarrie’s Treasures. Treasures because we all have treasures inside of us. Sometimes we're not aware of them. We all have, you can call them gifts, skills, tools, we all have them. What I've learned is our treasures are buried inside of us. So I'm helping people get those treasures out, like clearing their clutter, having more gratitude, setting goals, and celebrating. For me, I am the divalicious diva of Teinamarrie’s Treasures. I am not the CEO. Yes, I'm the owner, though. I'm I am the divalicious diva, and which is a cool way to say CEO. CEO is boring!
Tamara Anderson 51:57
Yeah. You have to know something about Teinmarrie. She's fun. So
Teinamarrie 52:05
That's how I sparkle, being a divalicious diva. Now I empower everyone to find their own sparkle or shine. This also ties back to Miss America. One of my dear friends who was Miss Utah, she talked about shining your light from your heart. That was one of the first times I really understood that concept and that we all have this light that can shine. So again, I learned it back in Miss America. A lot ties back to Miss America. I don't know what that light is, shining. So it might be a shining light. It might be a sparkle. It might be being divalicious. It might be being glitter, sparkly, being glittered, you know, I don't know. What I do know is we all have it inside of us. That's what I want to help people bring out, and be more confident in, and being able to really step into that. The sad part is, I feel a lot of us need permission. Because we have been told, and all that, in so many different ways, “Dim your light. Dim your sparkle. Don't be who you are. You got to fit in to this mold.” Whether it's our parents saying, “Well, you're going to go to this school. You're going to be a doctor.” Or our friends are like, “You've got to fit into this clique. We all look like this.” Or if it's a job. This is the degree you have, so this is a job you can do. Or society saying, “Well, you're of this religion, so you must fit in this box. We need the permission to be ourselves. Clear all that. That's all clutter in my mind. My opinion, that's all clutter. Clear that out. You have permission to sparkle, or shine, or be divalicious. Whatever it is for you. You have that permission to glow. Like, just do it.
Teinamarrie’s Treasures is a way that I am able to take that into the world and do it in fun, easy, sustainable, elegant ways. As I level up, I want to bring others up with me. I want others to share that. Like the more we sparkle. I don't know if you've seen that meme on Facebook. It's someone who they're colored in yellow. They've got all these people, and they're not colored in. They’re see through. They come over and they touch one person and you see, as the meme progresses, they start to turn yellow. So it's supposed to be sunshine, you know, and more and more people, the more they touch people, the more that color yellow, the sunshine grows. That's what I want. That's me. I'm the ripple, like I create that ripple and then ripplers, I learned that word, just goes on out.
Tamara Anderson 55:05
That is awesome. So why don't you spell your name so people can find you? I will for sure put it in the show notes because Teinamarrie is unique, and wonderful, and her name is spelled uniquely and wonderfully. So I know if you're gonna go out and Google Teinamarrie's Treasures, you might spell it wrong. So please spell it for us so people can find the unique, and wonderful, divalicious you.
Teinamarrie 55:28
And I guarantee I am the only Teinamarrie Scuderi. So it's t i m a M a r r i e. So I joke sometimes, because everyone's like, which letter is a double letter? Because I had to add one letter, had to be double. It's double R, like tiggerrrrr
Tamara Anderson 55:52
Rrrrr.
Teinamarrie 55:54
Helps people remember that it's the double Rs, not the double Ns. Nice. So teinamarrie.com is my website.
Tamara Anderson 56:05
Yes. That will take you and you can learn more about Teinamarrie. Now, before you go, you have some resources you want to share with us, some books, and then if we could end with the Bible verse, and we'll call it a wrap.
Teinamarrie 56:17
Okay. So a couple of the books that have really helped me and shifted the way I look at things. One is Tony Robbins. Okay. Tony Robbins. You either love them or you don't. I realize that, and he's not for everybody. I love them because that whole high energy and being that big, I get. Yes, I totally resonate with that. When I was in high school is when, I want to say that's when his first book came out. So I'm a drink and breathe everything Tony Robbins, and anything else I can find under that self-help section, because back then that's what it was called, was self-help. I'm like, “Well, I guess I need to help myself.” I know we want more out of life. That's why I started. So yeah, anything Tony Robbins.
Then, “The Game of Life and How to Play It,” by Florence Scovel Shinn. Believe it or not, these books were written in like 1929, and maybe 1914. So early 1900s. She talks about the law of attraction. Tthey don't know that she calls it that, that's what she's talking about is manifesting stuff. Then the way she talks about Jesus was like, “Oh, well, yeah,” because she talks about Jesus being basically a human like the rest of us. A normal person who just was really good about sharing His gifts, someone who’s very in tune with His gifts, and wanted everybody to be happy, and loving, and shared His gifts, you know, and that's how I felt. Like, I'm like, “Yeah!”
And then, more recently is Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. So she is a woman in New York who is all about empowering women to be goddesses and has come up with different techniques and has written different books. She talks about, again, a lot of some of the stuff she talks about, like, we kind of get in Miss America. So with Mama Gena, she just, it really is about loving yourself. I love the fact that there are these tools and resources out there to help people go, “Oh, okay.” Whether you come to me, which I would love, though I’m not for everybody, I guarantee that I'm not for everybody. That's okay. Not everybody's for me. Though you got to find your resource. Find what’s gonna help you be able to be in that space of love, and passionate, and sparkle.
Tamara Anderson 58:54
I love that you sparkle. That is awesome. All right. Why don't you conclude with your Bible verse about sharing love? Because Teinamarrie is love.
Teinamarrie 59:07
So, my favorite quote, Bible verse is, “Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never ends.” That's my absolute. I believe that because love is, like I said, the most powerful emotion, tool, energy, resource, because we can all have love, even if we just start with ourselves.
Tamara Anderson 59:51
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time. I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website, storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript, and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared, or quote, or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling, with hope to carry on and the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.
You can find the transcription of today's episode here: https://www.tamarakanderson.com/podcasts/teinamarrie-scuderi-a-more-loving-world-starts-with-me