Sue Lamoree: My Key to Success When My Body Fell Apart
Sue Lamoree didn’t know why she was having a hard time walking until she was diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis. She shares how she learned to navigate life with hope and faith from a wheelchair.
On this episode Sue shares:
The importance of "remembering"
How God opens doors to our dreams in ways we didn't expect
The benefits of Equine Therapy
Get past the bitter and learn to be gracious
God never abandons us--EVER!
You can find joy in your adventurous journey
One of my favorite stories Sue shared was after her diagnosis when she was trying to sleep, but she couldn't. As she lay in bed she began to picture Jesus holding her through the night as she lay there grieving and felt peace. At that moment she knew everything was going to be okay. So, she kept going.
You can find out more about Sue on her website: keeprollingon.co
Sue 0:02
And when I went back there, it was kind of like being in one of those movies, you know, where they put the scan up on the light board and you're just sitting there going, “Okay, this this isn't my life, you know, this is can't be me.” So when he put it up there, he showed me where the little shadow was. It was in my cervical spine. It was sort of a hourglass shaped shadow and so we get into the spinal cord and so right away I'm like, “That's not fixable.”
Tamara Anderson 0:38
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
My guest today grew up in the Pacific Northwest, where she currently lives with her husband on Camano Island in Washington State. She's the author of a children's book, inspirational short stories taken from her own experiences, and a blog called “Finding the Silver Linings While Living with a Disability.” After taking early retirement from a 25-year career in financial analysis, she took up writing, horseback riding or equine therapy, and painting with watercolors. She and her husband enjoy traveling together when they can. One of her favorite experiences was swimming with the dolphins in Cabo, in which the dolphin actually tried to save her. I'm pleased to present Sue Lamoree. Sue, are you ready to share your story of hope?
Sue 1:56
I am. Thank you for inviting me.
Tamara Anderson 1:59
One interesting fact about you is that you used to be painfully shy when you were younger. You've had to kind of overcome that a little bit. Tell me a little bit about that.
Sue 2:11
Like I said, I was painfully, invisibly shy, where I would like to blend into the walls and not be noticed. If somebody asked me to do a podcast back, then the answer would have been no.
Tamara Anderson 2:28
Right?
Sue 2:32
If I was in a classroom, and somebody asked me what my name was in front of everybody, I couldn't even do it back then. But then as I ended up in the wheelchair, I just couldn't be invisible anymore. So in that respect, I've lost some, not willingly and not to something I expected. But the Lord just kind of helped me get out of my shyness, out of my shell, out of my own way. Which was a good thing, because I always wanted to have more influence in the world. When I was hiding in the shadows, that wasn't going to happen.
Tamara Anderson 3:13
It's interesting, because you wouldn't think that being in a wheelchair would be the thing that would bring you out of your shell. I wouldn't say, “Okay, you're in a wheelchair, now you're out of your shell.” That doesn't even compute in my brain. So it's interesting that that was one of the side effects of the wheelchair. Now, you haven't been in a wheelchair your whole life. We're gonna dive into that story. So why don't you take me to the process of what led you here to where you are now?
Sue 3:55
So yeah, it was 26 years ago when I was turning 40 because I remember one of the doctor's appointments was the day that I turned 40. That's a benchmark of how long ago it started.
It was just a really year long process of things transpiring in my body there with my mobility. I should say that we couldn't figure it out first. Then I went into complete denial about it, it was so gradual. One of the things with transverse myelitis is that it's usually sudden, it's really sudden. People that I've known or read about is they usually end up being standing one minute and then they fall and they can't get up.
Tamara Anderson 4:47
Wow. Now why is that, Sue? Why is it usually so sudden?
Sue 4:54
I don’t really know and I don't really know why mine is the way it was. It's neurology. I'm discovering it’s a pretty unknown science still. Even back then, when I was going through it, I was new. I was a new to them kind of patient. A lot of the symptoms I went through they would just diagnosis MS. I don't know why there was different symptoms that that made him say it wasn't and he didn't diagnose me that way. But I know there is an enzyme that usually shows up when they do the spinal tap. There's an enzyme that shows up for this transverse myelitis. I didn't have it in my spinal cord.
Tamara Anderson 5:41
Really?
Sue 5:42
Yeah, I didn't have any of the markers for MS or for transverse myelitis. As far as answering your question, that enzyme creates damage to the spinal cord. It’s sometimes permanent, sometimes not. If you catch it early enough, sometimes it's not. It's inflammation, that if you do steroids early enough, sometimes it can reverse the damage. As I was talking about being in denial, I didn't go through any of the tests and stuff soon enough. So by then it was probably scarring.
So what I noticed originally was I would be sitting on the bus or at work, I mostly remember noticing on the bus going home from work, that my leg would sort of jump. And I'm like, “Okay, that's just kind of random.” But you know, not frightening. It was just off. It kind of would be with a little tickle. So I mean, like, okay, it I tickled so that I jumped. What was weird was that I started noticing I was walking into plants in the hallways of work or I would suddenly be brushing up against the wall. Unless I was really focusing on how I was walking or where I was walking, I was I was veering off.
I showed somebody at work. What did I do? This is so weird that I'm walking into walls and stuff, but still, you know, maybe a little bit anxiety producing but still kind of like, okay, this is just sort of comical. But then I started noticing that when I was walking long distances, my girlfriend and I walk around Green Lake, which is I think is 2.3 miles. We would go around twice, no stopping and pretty good. She was really athletic. I could sort of keep up with her before all this, but then when I started experiencing these symptoms, I started having to take rest breaks. I could only do one lap. Then I started needing to take three rest breaks and my legs would just feel like Gumby legs. That's what I call them because they felt like rubber. They couldn't really support me. My sister and I would go for walks. She'd say, “Sue, you're walking weird,” or, “You're limping,” or whatever. I got really put out because I was really not wanting to have something wrong with me. Then I start walking around my neighborhood on my own trying to think, “Okay, you're terribly out of shape.”
Tamara Anderson 8:48
You're trying to justify it any other way, right?
Sue 8:53
I had been taking some medication for anxiety because I had been going through some counseling at the time. It was pretty stressful. I was chalking it up to side effects to the medication. I even convinced my primary care doctor that that's probably what it was. So we gave it six weeks or something to see if things changed after I went off the medication, which obviously they didn't. I think the biggest time was that I really decided, “Okay, there's something I need to deal with,” was when I had just moved back from the Pacific to the Pacific Northwest. I’d gone down to California for some, I was in my 30s, I was single, my friends are married and that kind of stuff. So I thought I wanted to do something new. I had some friends living down there when I was down there. I was down there for about five years and then kind of decided I needed to be back with my family, which in hindsight with this happening, I was really glad that I'd made that decision. I enjoyed the mountains. So when I came back, I tried to find people that had similar interests to hang out with. I really, really wanted to summit Mount Rainier someday and just thought that hiking, climbing would be really fun experience. I went to the orientation and they're talking about, “Well, this is what you have to do for a local hike, this is the endurance you need to have, these are the pieces of equipment you need to have.” I'm just sitting there going, “I can't do this. I'm way too out of shape for this.” I was embarrassed around all these, most of them younger than me in the first place, but very physically fit people. I was embarrassed I could never do this and went out and never came back. That's when I realized I need to look into this further with the doctor and stuff.
Tamara Anderson 10:55
Wow. So it wasn't cut and dry, finding your diagnosis. You had to be referred to a neurologist before and get some MRIs, right?
Sue 11:09
The primary care, he did those little reflexology tests on your knees. My leg just kind of went swinging out there. I just go, “Whoa, great reflexes!” He’s thinking and saying, “I think you need to see a neurologist.” I was like, “Okay, I'm breaking down.” I noticed that every doctor's office has a tissue box provided then. I never noticed it before.
Tamara Anderson 11:42
But you found out that you needed them.
Sue 11:46
He had about five in his office. But that's good. I was in tears by the end because there's like a neurologist. That's pretty frightening. Even when I was back, taking the walk around Green Lake, I saw a young man walking around with cerebral palsy, and I just had this instinct that this looks similar to what I'm feeling. That just terrified me.
Tamara Anderson 12:13
Absolutely.
Sue 12:15
My girlfriend's like, “No, I’m sure that's not it.” That's why I kept trying to build up my endurance other ways. But anyway, then the neurologist. He right away started describing some of the symptoms I was experiencing. So I thought, “Oh, good, I'm not going nuts. I'm not making this up.” I wish I was, right? But then yes, he did do an MRI. That was his first test. When I went back there, it was kind of like being in one of those movies, where they put the scan up on the light board. You’re just sitting there going, “Okay, this isn't my life. This can't be me.” I've been fortunate enough to not experience a lot of tragic things in my life. Death of family, I haven't even broken a bone in my body before. Which is kind of a miracle in and of itself.
But anyway, when he put it up there, he showed me where the little shadow. It was in my cervical spine. It was sort of a what he called an hourglass shaped shadow. We're into the spinal cord. So right away, I'm like, “That's not fixable.” I mean, even my layman's knowledge is like, you can't just cut that off and be done with it, which I had hoped. I was even hoping for a true tumor at that point that they could surgically remove and I could go on with my life. But no, that wasn't the case. He told me because symptoms are different than expected, and because it was more of a fluid type situation, he didn't know if it was going to get worse. He didn't know if it was going to get better. The only treatments were steroid infusions. Well, I could have taken prednisone, but the steroid infusions were a lot more impact to the spinal cord at one time. So we did that. Ironically, it was on Halloween. The gal came out and I had an in-home infusion thing and so she had these poles and needles and everything.
Tamara Anderson 14:46
That sounds terrifying to me.
Sue 14:50
It was but all I could think of is if anybody comes knocking on the door for trick or treating, their poor parents are gonna grab them and run. Fortunately, I was in a neighborhood that didn't have kids that knocked on my door. So we went through but it didn't do any good. Created a little, what do they call it? Steroid rage. My boss was lucky he survived. He had talked to the doctor about doing another bit of it when I told him about how angry I felt and stuff. He's like, “Okay, I don't think we'll be doing that again.” Because apparently, the steroids can cause a lot of anxiety and enrage and stuff like that. Sports people that have done steroids have experienced that. So that was it. It was wait and see. At that time, I was not the kind of person that wanted to know more. So I didn't look it up. I didn't do any research. I just relied on my doctor who I trusted implicitly. I was very, very fortunate that the Lord guided me to him because he was a really good doctor.
Later, I found out that it's similar to cancer that if you haven't had another episode in 10 years, your odds are good of not having more episodes. Fortunately, I found that out after 10 years had transpired. I wasn't sitting there waiting for 10 years to go by. There were times, and in my prayers, and in my experiences with the diagnosis, the Lord kind of assured me that this was it, that it's not MS. It's not going to progress. Things aren't going to necessarily get worse. I even was talking to a friend and he said he told his mom about it. And she said the same thing. She in her sort of promptings prayers, she said, “No, I think this is it for her.” So I say that's a nice little confirmation. It's kind of like when you get a blessing, you kind of rely on that. You forget, you get scared and whatnot. And then when you start getting scared, I would go back to that memory and say, “Okay, the Lord told me and I know, He told me, so I'm going to rely on that, and then figure out how to manage what's going on.”
Tamara Anderson 17:33
But don't you think that's such an important thing to remember when we're going through any hard times? If you felt peace about it, He said it was gonna be okay. It just helps remind you that God has got this under control. This isn't a surprise to him.
Tamara Anderson 17:56
He's going to help you through it. Remembering those impressions are such a key thing when you're going through something hard or tragic like this. Absolutely.
Sue 18:11
When you're going through even something less challenging, I kind of go back and say, “Well, look what He got you through.” Now you're having a bad hair day. It's not that big of a deal.
Tamara Anderson 18:26
Right, whatever.
Sue 18:28
I actually had a heart attack about three years ago. The Lord was just so amazing with that. It was 98% blocked. So it was a pretty serious but I didn't have any heart damage. I felt really a lot of pain. So we called the medics and we went to the hospital, and they got it did an angioplasty. My husband was way more fearful than I was. I was pretty relaxed with the whole thing. Afterwards, I went to church the following Sunday, and everybody's like, what are you doing here?
Tamara Anderson 19:13
It's true that God can bless us with peace. Yes, absolutely. Even in the hardest times. To other people who aren't feeling that peace, they're like, “Why are you reacting so calm?”
Sue 19:34
That is true.
Tamara Anderson 19:35
Oh, my goodness.
Sue 19:37
When I was telling him, “Okay, we’ve got to go,” at 2 in the morning with the heart attack he's kind of running around the house like a chicken with the head cut off and he's got EMT experience. He's like, “Should I just call the doctor's office?” I'm like, “No, you need to call 911.” It was kind of funny. Because you're right. Often I've noticed with having experiences with other friends that have had tragic situations, it's almost easier for the person in the middle of the storm to deal with the problem, though, than those around them because the one in the middle of the storm knows they need to deal with it. The ones around them don't realize it. They can hover. My parents would hover over me and they can get a little bit worried. My sister, when I wasn't walking right, she was nagging me a lot. It's natural concern, and grateful for their caring, love for me, but it is harder for them to recognize that, “Okay, I have a loved one that is dealing with something. So I need to learn how to deal with it too.” Even though they're all Christians as well. And that's what helped me through was that upbringing, my background. My dad was an amazing Christian example for me and stuff.
Tamara Anderson 21:06
That is awesome. Now, one of the things I love that you shared with me before was that you talk about finding blessings in disguise. When you're going through a thing like getting diagnosed with transverse myelitis, what were some of those blessings in disguise that you were able to find?
Sue 21:33
I can honestly say they're just really numerous. I think I wrote in there and told you a little bit about seeing things a little bit more with the glass half full now than I used to probably do. Yes, but they were just all over the place. But the big one is that I met my husband because I was in a wheelchair. I wouldn't have ever met him if I wasn’t going to this equine therapy that I listed is one of my favorite hobbies now. That in itself was a huge miracle because I didn't even like animals before that. Now I'm a horse lover, a dog lover, I have a parrot. If I could have more, but my husband won't let me because he has to take care of me.
So I started horseback riding. I wanted to do something a little more outdoorsy, I wasn't necessarily a huge athletic person, but I liked hiking, I liked snow skiing, waterskiing, bike riding and stuff. So I thought about doing the ski for all, which is a really amazing program. But I didn't end up doing it because I just thought, “You got to go way up in the mountains, you got to really make an effort.” So when I was actually looking at vans for driving around with the wheelchair, I wanted to know actually was before they watched the horse whisperer.
Tamara Anderson 23:11
I wonder.
Sue 23:13
even I'd ridden horses before. They tried to brush me off on the trees. It was an interesting property. But what was interesting is and when I looked into it, there was a facility 20 minutes from my house. Oh, well, that's a miracle right there.
Not only that, but now this particular facility, it's in Seattle. It was Redmond technically, but it's a huge facility now. They often have a really long waiting list but back then, it was like 23 years ago, they were just getting started and so when I called they said, “Yeah, when can you come in?” I was able to get fitted. Well the funny part was that I went there after work and she said, “Are you ready to get on a horse” and I'm like, “Really?” So they did an assessment of my capability of sitting on a horse and I was crying and white knuckle effect the whole entire time. But I fell in love with it and I still do it. I do it closer to home up here on Camano Island now but it's amazing physical activity and when you caught emotional support for by having lots of friends that are in similar, not there. They might be in similar situations or Well, it's usually kids of the kids that are dealing with issues but or The staff you know, are just always saying, “You can do this.” Whereas when you go to normal physical therapy they say, “Well you can't walk again and you can't do this again” and whatnot. I'm sitting there going, “Well, can I be a real cowgirl?” They're like, “Yeah.” That was that. Right? They did it independently. And it's, it's a challenge every time I change horses, the one I'm on, I just adore her, but she's got a lot more emotion. So I'm still working on getting that independence again.
But anyway, when I was there, my husband started volunteering there, and I kind of just passed him in the hallways and stuff. Then I saw him once at an auction and kind of went, “Okay. Good looking.” So then after that we eventually started dating and he was a good, kindred spirit, Christian. We hit it off, were married within six months. So that was a huge blessing in disguise.
Tamara Anderson 26:03
You never would have expected something like that to come from it. So I'm just curious, what are some of the benefits that you have seen from riding horses? You mentioned the social support that you get to get out and interact with other people? What are some of the other benefits?
Sue 26:24
It's kind of funny for me it after I started it, it actually was kind of my whole life. Almost everything that happened in my life was impacted. The name of the therapy place is “Little Bit.” Almost everything was impacted by things from Little Bit. I mean, the dog I got, somebody at Little Bit was raising dogs. I was terrified of raising a dog, especially in my condition. But I kept seeing this little puppy. Some of my stories that I've written, my short stories, are about these things. So that's another part of it, is that by having a relationship with Guy, I wrote a short story about that, by having a relationship with the horses, I wrote a short story about the horses, the dog, you know, all these kind of things. I've got a little book I wrote about a pony that is a friend of mine is in true adventures. So that part of it was there. Like you said, the social environment was there. I made all kinds of friends similar to what I was kind of hoping to do with mountaineers. They understood where it's coming from, they were supportive. Physically, it's hard when you can only do it once a week, you don't get as much physical benefit, but you get on the horses and movement is similar to when you're walking. So when you're on it, your hips kind of move the same way that the horse does. They do move the way the horse moves, and it mimics that motion for your body. But the other thing I found for me personally, and I think it happens with a lot of the little children that go out there, is I want to do better when I'm riding the horse. So some of the physical exercises that I would rather not do at home, I am more motivated to do lately I've been doing more because I want to get independent again on sapphires and on my horse. So I started using arm as an arm bike that you can use to do more of an aerobic exercise which I was told I should be doing after my heart attack and wasn't very diligent about it.
Tamara Anderson 28:47
But you're motivated to do it now because you have a reason.
Sue 28:50
I am. It strengthens my arms. It helps my core. What I'm called is an incomplete quadriplegic that because it's my cervical spine, it affects everything from there down. But my legs I don’t use, they're gone. I can't walk. I can maybe wiggle some toes on one foot. But my arms I have some use of. My hands are pretty limited. And that gets frustrating. One time a friend of mine who was a quadriplegic, they were saying, “Just be happy even to be a paraplegic instead of a quad.” But whatever. Yeah, we all have mountains to climb.
Tamara Anderson 29:37
Yes, we do. Oh my goodness. We're gonna take a quick break. But when we get back we'll have Sue tell us a little bit more about the lessons she has learned through having transverse myelitis.
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And we're back. I've been talking to Sue Laramee about the things that she has experienced coming down with a condition called transverse myelitis that has impacted her and brought her from being completely normal and standing to being in a wheelchair and being an incomplete quadriplegic. Now, Sue, what are some of the lessons that you have learned because of transverse myelitis?
Sue 31:52
Well, it's kind of like what we talked about at the beginning of this sort of blossoming effect that I had through this process. It's gradual. All these lessons are kind of gradual, and you kind of look back and say, “Wow, I used to be there.” For instance, with the being less shy part, I started when I was still walking, I went for quite a while still walking, and being again in denial. So I wasn't using a walker, or scooter, or cane, or anything that would have benefited me. When I was walking around in downtown Seattle, trying to get to work, the wind was blowing and all that. I was pretty precarious, that when I would first be walking across the street or doing something, I would get stuck and I would get stared at. I’d get some guy behind me who was like, “Are you going to go?” People downtown in rush hour, they don't care who you are or what you're doing. They just want to get to their destination. Sure, at first I was really bitter. I remember one time these two cute little girls were looking at me and kind of staring at me and I just kind of gave them a mean face. I look back on that and think, “What the heck was I thinking? That's just awful.” As time transpired, I started learning to be more gracious about things, learning to accept. I would smile when somebody stared at me, whatever. What I started recognizing is that I didn't see myself handicapped anymore. Nowadays, people don't see me that way. I forget when they say stuff about my wheelchair or something. I'm like, “Oh, yeah, that's what they see is a person in a wheelchair.” My mom even said to me, “You know, when you have a nice big smile in your face, that's what they're noticing, not the fact that you can't walk or whatever.” So that's one of the things I learned was to be more gracious. And that helped me open up more to being more out there and visible.
A lot of people would ask me questions about my disability because they were struggling with something and then sharing with them was becoming a real joy to me, to be able to help them with their experiences. That again, was making me more visible. The other one, I think, was that I learned very quickly that the Lord never abandons us. Never, ever, ever. I was fortunate enough to be raised in a Christian family to recognize that. So when something like that happened, instead of turning away, like is easy to do for some people, to say, “Well, wow, He's not there helping me then He must not be real or whatever.” I was turning to Him more and more and more and was seeing His hand in everything. Even the night that I came home with the diagnosis, I was still single person, I was living by myself, I was still trying to provide for myself. My biggest fear wasn't as much about well, definitely about being completely paralyzed, because I didn't know all the resources available to people in that the circumstance, but also that I would be so bogged down by anxiety and depression and stuff that I wouldn't be able to function at work.
I had been a person that had dealt with anxiety and depression already in my life. So that was paramount in my mind. But that night, I went to bed, and my sister said she prayed for me. I, of course, was praying all night long and sobbing and being afraid and that kind of stuff. And I remember just lying there kind of in a curled up position all night. I had something I had committed to the next day that was going to require taking care of a little child, walking around the zoo, which I really wanted to do, but I was like, “How am I going to do this?” And I just pictured the Lord holding me all night long. I didn't sleep. I mean, I never fell asleep. I kept hoping I would, but I never did. But I did feel peaceful. I could feel his arms around me in a way, just feel that level of peace that we get when we turn to the Lord. Technically on our knees, we can do the right words, but trying to really pray with our full heart. The next day, I had a really fun time with this little girl. We unfortunately didn't take a stroller. So I had to carry her quite a bit. My niece ended up coming with us too. And so we took turns carrying her little girl. Ended up being fine, and it was a beautiful, sunny day. I ended up getting through the rest of my life with this hanging over my head and all the tests I had to go through and stuff like that. I realized that was kind of the thing with my husband, and He doesn't answer our prayers in the way we expect.
Tamara Anderson 37:48
Hmm, that is so true.
Sue 37:51
Or the timing we expect. But when I look back, it's really funny. Because now when people approach me, I've had a lot of time to get over the whole five levels of grief and all that. But yes, I've got a little blog about that. But when they say, “Oh, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.” I'm like, “I'm not.” I don't even know how to respond. It's like, this has been an amazing blessing and amazing journey. I have felt joy, like what I'm experiencing now, between all the things that the Lord has opened my eyes to and the connections that I've made with people, the experiences I've had. Once I was trying to get to a physical therapy appointment, I needed to go to use the restroom. I needed to get out there quickly. But I needed the wheelchair accessible stall, and I went in there, and there was a young girl in there changing her clothes. Took forever. She was a girl working there. She was just a temp person and she didn't care. She didn't care that there was a person in a wheelchair needing to use the restroom and took her time about it. So when I got to the physical therapist, I was like, “So I had another adventure today.” So that all those little inconveniences, or falling on my face… One time I fell on my face and I had injuries on my face, my knees, my hands, bloody nose, and I needed to go to work
I work as a financial analyst and we were having a meeting with the client, and I know, you're thinking, like, my husband beat me or something. That was what I was more worried about was that I looked like somebody beat me. But those types of things, I started calling adventures. When I looked at it that way, instead of calling them challenges, but adventures, I also started seeing that, I said, my life used to be really, really boring. I go to work, I go home, I didn't like to be seen. So I didn't do a whole lot of things, maybe read a lot, went to a few activities with friends, whatever. But now, my life has always got adventures, and it just is more interesting.
Tamara Anderson 40:42
Yes, it is. Oh, my goodness. So would you say then that was God that helped you turn from being bitter, to shifting your perspective to looking at things like adventures and seeing things in a more positive light?
Sue 41:02
Absolutely. I think that, first of all, it is part of the grief process. You go through the stages of anger and loss and all that. I mean, you need to go through that. And I don't want to invalidate that, because those things are a necessary part. Otherwise, you just push them down, and they're going to come out in other ways. But yes, what I started noticing, walking around downtown, and having the challenges with the wind, or like, a lot of bumps, one time there was a dog kind of harassing me and stuff. I'm just trying to walk away from him and I can't walk and my legs would get stiff. I had the bad toll in my muscles. So before I got this other baclofen pump, I would be like stilt lady trying to walk around. This woman, in that case, came up and just said, “Hey, can I help you? Can I walk with you?” And I'm like, “Yeah, please do it to the bus stop.” Or if I had challenges getting to the restroom in time at work, because I was on one side of the building, and the restrooms are on the other side of the building, friends from work would help me get there to the restroom. By then I had a walker with the seat. So we had to sort of pull me along.
Tamara Anderson 42:28
Oh, how cute.
Unknown Speaker 42:32
But there were times like that one time when I was in a windstorm. The buildings just funnel that wind right through there. I was in the middle of the street, I couldn't walk. My umbrella was inside out and I was getting drenched. The light had turned red and I'm watching these cars thinking, “Will somebody please get out of their car and help me because I don't know what to do.” And this guy came along, I don't even know from where. He took my elbow and sort of ushered me across the street. And I looked up to say thank you, and he was gone. And I swear to this day, that he is an angel. I swear, every time somebody helped me, like, get across the street, or take me to the bus stop or whatever. I eventually learned that I needed to do something different. But in those days, I was like, “Okay, I have another angel in my life today.” That was one of those things where I started saying, “Okay, here's the positive in this day.” There were people that wanted to push me over, get around me, but there's always someone or something positive to look at in a situation or a day. So I started really noticing that I was becoming a more “half full” kind of person.
Tamara Anderson 43:57
So we kind of got off on that fun little tangent, and I'm so glad we did. But you were commenting before that God rarely answers our prayers the way we expect. How have you found that to be true in your life?
Sue 44:12
What I noticed is that He knows the desires of our hearts. I think when we pray for something, we know what we want, we don't always know what we need. I think a lot of times our wants get in the way of our needs. And this is only because of retrospect that I can look back and say, “Oh, okay, yeah, I didn't really realize I needed to wait a little bit longer to do this.” I didn’t know, for instance with my husband, that I was gonna get married. I just knew God had somebody special for me. I had always hoped to have children. I had always to be young enough to have children and raise a lot of children. I wanted to adopt and stuff. I wanted to be teacher. And I never ended up becoming a teacher, I went into finance. So after all this happened, I met Guy. I was 50 at the time, so there weren't going to be any children involved. But then I started getting callings in the church where they give you responsibilities that the Lord calls you to do. I was first called to young women's to be a teacher for young women's and I'm just going, “Are you sure about this?” But on the other hand, I also went, “Holy cow, the Lord really knows that I've always wanted to be a teacher, I've always wanted to be around children.” And it didn't happen for me in the way I expected it to. And I didn't expect to be in a wheelchair when I met my husband, but you know what, being in a wheelchair, I met a man that was full of care and compassion towards me with every single thing I do.
And then on the other hand, I also ended up teaching and being mostly in primary, which I absolutely adore. I love being in primary teaching little children, and especially during this COVID time, I've been sending out little challenges and stuff for them. Here's another example, that with this time of being apart from each other, we're actually getting closer, because I've been staying in touch with each of them individually, and as a group, and trying to help them recognize that the Lord is in their life, even with all this stuff going on. So down to the basics of what I started with is that He knew those desires of my heart, He knew that I wanted to buy a condo and I didn't buy one. Then when I finally did, it turned out, I was not able to walk. Thank the Lord I didn't buy one with stairs and with an elevator and all that kind of stuff. I'm telling my mom, because she was wondering when I'd ever get married and stuff. I said, “Hmm, you know, Mom, I know that just like the condo I got, that God's got this perfect man there for me.” And He did. We're always still learning together. It's not like a bed of roses. I don't like painting that picture. You look around sometimes at other couples and you think, “Why can't I be more like that?” We work on this together. He knew I was in a wheelchair when we got married, but he didn't know the responsibilities of taking care of somebody in a wheelchair. There's times when we do a lot of laughing, or we’re angry, and then there's times when we take a break and say, “Okay, how can we do this better?” And he's a real fixer kind of guy. So he wants to fix everything. That's kind of where it's challenging for a man to accept some of the physical challenges because they want to fix it, but they just can't. But right there. Those are the kinds of things that I feel that the Lord really knows.
Tamara Anderson 48:27
And I love how you phrase that, that God knew the desires of your heart. Sometimes He may not answer with what you're asking specifically, but He's answering with what you need. It's beautiful to see that you have been able to see that. Of course it's always retrospect. But that's wonderful. Now, let me ask you this, have you found a favorite Bible verse along your journey?
Sue 49:00
It's funny, because when you asked that question, I said to myself, “Not at that time,” but there's a favorite Bible verse that I've had all my life. I think it gave me that strength at that time. That was Joshua 24:15. Yes. And it's got all the stuff about, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” or whatever it is. The Lord is the part that I care about. I don't care about the blessings and the rewards. I just feel this great desire to serve the Lord. By doing that in anybody's life, serving others is serving the Lord. It gets us out of ourselves and we can then get past our sort of temporary, temporal problems, which are big, they're not necessarily easy to shrug off. However, they are temporary. There is an eternal perspective to keep our eyes on. When I was baptized, my mom was sort of in tears, because the mission president talked about, one of these days I’m no going to be in this wheelchair. I’ll be riding those horses up there and playing with those dogs. In my opinion, I'd like to be playing with bears and lions too, but we have that eternal perspective. This is just a blink in what we are experiencing eternally. Every time I could keep that perspective I also felt more productive, the sense of productivity instead of, “Oh, woe is me. Why did this happen to me?”
Also, the Lord has really big shoulders. So when I was in the midst of, “Why did this have to happen?” I never was, “Why did this happen to me?” Because I don't want it to happen to anybody else. Right? But I was, “Why does it have to happen?” And then I remembered my friend in the counseling group I was in said something about beating our fists on the chest of the Lord or whatever. I pictured myself doing that, like sobbing Jesus and saying, “Hi.” Well, then you go on to say, well, gosh, he had something way worse than I did. That's true, right? So He knows. He keeps those tears in His bottle. And he knows everyone and why everyone has shed or are. I now shed tears and I think, “Gosh, this is so silly.” It's not that big of a deal. But it breaks my heart right now, for whatever reason. And He knows that. He knows that. And He loves me for that.
And, again, back to the Joshua verse. I'm so grateful that my father was similar to Joshua, you know, as far as how he raised me, how he experienced pancreatic cancer, one of those cancers that is very terminal. Just watching him go through that, he would literally dance to music and say, “I get to go home pretty soon.” Pretty amazing. And my mom, my biological mom passed away when I was about two and a half. And of course, I don't even remember that. But my grandpa always told me the story that when he was in the hospital room with her, she said, “Talbert,” which was my dad, “Jesus has come for me.” So I lived with those beliefs in that faith, and have never wavered. I had to repent, because there were times in my life that I didn't actually act godly. And I definitely said things or done in my life that I shouldn’t have. But my faith never wavered,
Tamara Anderson 53:13
It's amazing that that was your verse, that no matter what, I'll serve God. It sounds like He tested that a little bit. It's amazing that you've been able to keep the faith through all this and He has helped you through it. That's the beautiful thing about relying on God. So let me ask you, what books or other websites would you recommend to somebody who either has transverse myelitis or maybe some other challenge that they're facing right now?
Sue 53:48
Um, well, with the transverse myelitis, there are two websites that I follow. One of them was beattm.com. It’s a great website for this, resources, experiences other people have. Also, wearesrna.org is another TM website. They've changed the name, but it shows all the research that's being done in regard to neuro conditions. One of the things that I think is really important to let people know is that when you're in a wheelchair, clothes don't fit you the way they do when you're standing. So I found some websites through some of these other ones that actually make adaptive clothing.
Tamara Anderson 54:39
Really? Tell me about that.
Sue 54:41
Well, for one thing, when you're sitting you really want a shorter top, because then they don’t get caught under you. You also, when you're sitting, you end up with a little bit bigger tummy than you would want because of the sitting and not having the muscle strength. So I get kind of boxy fitting shirts when I can, and they make them that way. They have pants that when you're sitting, your pants end up getting short because you're bent at the waist or bent at the knees. So they make them a little longer.
Tamara Anderson 55:12
Oh, that's cool.
Sue 55:14
Well, this one, I have actually a German one, but I got some jeans from them, and I love them. These pants that they made, they actually are shorter in the front and then they bring them up higher in the back. So you're not showing things off of the back.
Tamara Anderson 55:32
Oh, that's really cool. So what is the name of those specific adaptive clothes? Where can people find those?
Sue 55:38
Well, one of the places I was really surprised is Tommy Hilfiger. They have adaptive clothing. It's not just for that, it's for somebody that can't do things. They have like magnets on the shirt. Like an older person that can do that. Just they go on in the back instead of the front, things like that. So they've got a good line. Zappos has an online store, and they carry different brands. I found this out actually, because my sister worked at Children's Hospital. And a young man named Billy came in and he designed Billy footwear. What it is is a shoe that has a zipper. So you can unzip the shoe. And then you can put your foot in it and zip it up.
Tamara Anderson 56:25
Oh, I may need to get those for my son with autism. That would be awesome.
Sue 56:29
I don't have any because Guy puts my shoes on but they're cute too. They even carry them at Nordstrom’s. But you can look on billyfootwear.com. The other one, the one in Germany, they have some nice jeans. That's called rollimoden.com.
Tamara Anderson 56:53
We'll be sure to put links to all this in the show notes just so people can find it and see it. You also mentioned there was a book by Dr. James Dobson, “When God Doesn't Make Sense: Holding on to your Faith During the Hardest Times.”
Sue 57:09
What my memory of the message I got was that, regardless of if we’re in good times, or bad times, He loves us. Like that footprints in the sand. If He's not walking next to you, He's carrying you farther. feel that seven times. That's where those kind of books or anything like that is helpful, is to remind us, like you said about the promptings and stuff. To remind us to go back to that sense of faith and support that we know that God's there for us, even if we don't see it, or feel it. That's my memory of how that one impacted me. He’s a really good writer too.
Tamara Anderson 57:50
Yes, he is. And “The Road Less Traveled” by Dr. M. Scott Peck.
Sue 57:56
My memory was it was sort of saying that we, especially probably the United States, were raised to think that everything should just be a smooth little ride through life. Then when we hit a bump in the road it’s like, “Oh my gosh, what the heck do I do now?” And he pointed out that kind of what we've been learning and growing up is that we're here to learn lessons. We're learning here to learn about adversity and how to deal with trials and adversity. I did a lot of it when I couldn't sleep at night or something that I would just read. These easy to read, but also positive messages. Another one called, “Further Along the Road Less Traveled,” that I read also. He admits in that one that he was more focused on his beliefs and God in that one than he was in the first one. Hmm. Which is kind of neat, because he was further along the road. Anyhow, your perspective changes the farther you get through life.
Tamara 59:03
Oh my goodness. Now there's gonna be people who will want to connect with you or read more of your short stories, because they heard your amazing story here today. Where can people find you online?
Sue 59:15
Well, I started a blog about three years ago, and it's on my website. It's at keeprollingon.co. It's got direct links to the books and stuff that I have on there. Life is not easy, regardless of what our challenges are, and it's nice to have someone else that is like minded or has similar experiences or can help you. In my situation when you don't end up in the hospital from it, you don't know what your resources are. At one point I was in the hospital and I ended up in rehab. So I did learn a whole bunch of things about where to look for and how to deal with things at home on my own. Instead of having your dishes way up high, where you can't reach them in the cupboard where it normally is, put them down here in this little drawer down here where you can reach them. They put elastic shoelaces on my shoes so that I could just stretch my shoes on and off instead of trying to tie them. I have these things, wonderful things. They're called leg loops, or I call my glutes. They go around each of your thighs, then when you're lying down and want to move your legs, your hand helps move them. I spent however many 1000s of dollars in the hospital and those leg loops were worth it.
Tamara Anderson 1:00:49
But you learn you learn tips and resources along the way. And I think that's one of the cool things that that is such a critical tip anytime you have any kind of diagnosis is to talk to other people. Talk to the specialist, talk to those occupational therapists, or the physical therapist or the equine therapy. Find people that know more about those and they will give you so many tips and tricks and, “Oh, go buy this or there's adaptive clothing, you can get it.” And it's just so helpful if you're willing to just open up and let yourself learn about right diagnosis. Yes, that is one of the other things is we don't have to go through this journey alone. Other people to help us. Not only those angels that you talked about before, but also look for the specialists that can teach you more and give you those tips and tricks that will make whatever diagnosis you have easier to manage easier to handle.
Sue 1:01:56
And I would just throw it out there real quick too that, when I was first diagnosed, I was going to a sports therapist. They know nothing. I mean, these ones knew nothing about spinal cord injuries. I bet they were close to home and they could help me with some physical therapy. Find somebody, if you're in a neurological situation, spinal cord injury of any kind, find a therapist that deals with those injuries. They are amazing.
Tamara Anderson 1:02:25
There's a lot out there. I guess your message then is don't give up hope.
Sue 1:02:34
I wonder what podcasts we read.
Tamara Anderson 1:02:35
I know. Well see, this has been such a joy to talk to you. You are just positive and uplifting. And I'm just so thankful that you've been willing to share such a powerful story. You've really taken us through, yeah, there were times you are bitter, but you've come around and God has helped you find the positives and learn to roll with the punches a little bit more and you have found joy in your journey. So thank you.
Sue 1:03:07
Thank you for having me.
Tamara Anderson 1:03:09
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time, and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website, storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript, and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared or quote or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling, with hope to carry on and with the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.
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