Reverend Christopher T. Scuderi: Love and Raise Each Other Up
Reverend Christopher grew up being bullied which morphed into defending and loving all those who are bullied in life—no matter their race, religion or sexual orientation. He is on a mission to raise the love and kindness meter in the world today.
Episode Discussion Points
How he sees and photographs hearts everywhere in nature.
Moving so many times as a kid he experienced bullying and became a defender of the bullied.
God used “2x4’s” to help him find his purpose in the ministry.
The best advice for people dealing with challenges is to keep moving.
There are “blessons” (blessings in the lessons) of life.
He and his wife are advocates for loving and serving the LGBTQ+ community.
We are all one people and our purpose is to love each other.
There is light at the end of the tunnel if we are willing to look for it.
Favorite Takeaway
I loved how Christopher encouraged us to do the things that feed our souls—be it prayer, meditation, or dancing in the kitchen. Take care of yourselves and then be kind to others.
Connect with Rev. Christopher
Website: https://universalheartministry.com/
#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #love #ministry #weddings #lessons #lifelessons #detour #bullied #LGBTQ+ #kindness
Transcription
You can find the transcription of today's episode here:
Reverend Christopher 0:04
If it is getting down on your knees in prayer, so be it. If it is sitting in quiet, meditative reflection, so be it. If your thing is dancing in the kitchen with nobody watching, dance in the kitchen with nobody watching. But do that thing, whatever it is that feeds your soul, that thing that nourishes you, that thing that makes you feel alive.
Tamara Anderson 0:32
Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments. My guest today is Christopher T. Scuderi of the Universal Heart Ministry and he is a full time, full service, non-denominational minister who has been serving all without exception since 2011. He has performed about 1500 weddings today and has received awards for the highest and most consistent rankings for performing his weddings over the last decade. That is a lot of weddings. He recently received an International Spiritual Leadership Award from the International Court System, a nonprofit organization, which primarily serves the LGBTQ+ community through fundraising events. In what spare time he has, he loves to scuba dive, photograph nature, and he and his wife, Teinamarrie, live in Utah. I'm pleased to present Christopher T. Scuderi.
Reverend Christopher 1:53
It's wonderful to be here.
Tamara Anderson 1:55
It's good to have you. Are you ready to share your story of hope?
Reverend Christopher 1:58
Absolutely. Let's go for it.
Tamara Anderson 2:00
Awesome. So one interesting fact about you is that you have a gift for finding hearts. Tell me about this, because I remember when you were telling me about it initially, I was like, “Wait, what?” Explain that to me. Tell me what that means.
Reverend Christopher 2:18
So quite literally, I find hearts just about anywhere I look. So, I find heart shapes in clouds. I find heart shapes in rocks. I find heart shapes in the pattern of either shadow or sunshine in a particular area. I find the heart shape in our cat’s dish of food. She munches away, she walks away, I look over, “Oh, it's heart shaped.” So literally, I pretty much see hearts wherever I look, which is actually how I derived the name for my own ministry, Universal Heart Ministry. Because it all comes back to that universal heart space that we all are interconnected through.
So you mentioned photography. People is not my thing for photography. Nature. So all kinds of beautiful landscapes, skyscapes, you know, seascapes when I'm able to get out to Oceanside. And so I've got a number of photographs that I've taken through the years of things that ended up being heart shapes, whether I realized it in that moment, or not. As a gift, my wife actually took a number of my photographs, put them together, and created a photo book for me. Then that grew into something that we created as a product that that I could sell, which is just a coffee table book, basically, of some of my nature photography, with my own kind of, you know, 10 cents, my thoughts for the day. In going through those photos, a lot of them I already knew there was a heart shape there. There were some that I didn't realize myself that there was a heart shape there. It spoke to me. It called to me. I thought it was cool. I thought it looked beautiful. One prime example is I took a photo of a pond that had frozen over in the winter. There was a light dusting of snow around it. Then there's just this center patch of clear ice that you can see through and see this grouping of leaves that had been trapped under the ice. It took somebody else going through my photo book, seeing that photo, and saying, “Oh, you do see hearts everywhere. There's even a heart here.”
Tamara Anderson 4:53
You're like, “Wait, what?”
Reverend Christopher 4:54
Exactly. Show me that. Where's that? So he showed me and I'm like, “Oh my goodness.” Sure enough. So whether I realize it or not. Most of the time I do, or think I do. I find hearts.
Tamara Anderson 5:10
So, Christopher, we're gonna go back in your story. You would think that with all the weddings you perform, your life has just been hunky dory. You have had quite an adventure. Oh, indeed. So why don't you take us back to, your dad was in the Air Force, which means you moved around a lot. What did life look like for you as a child? And how did you experience it?
Reverend Christopher 5:35
Oh my goodness. Okay, so the short version is, I wa born in Oklahoma. Eight and a half months old, we shipped over to Germany. We bounced around Germany for the first four years of my life. Now I have some wonderful memories, even at such a young age, a beautiful park that we used to go to where I would play in the beach sand around the swings. A child that came over asked me for the balloon I had. My mom said, “Go ahead.” I handed it to him. He promptly let it go. I remember that rather well. I remember sitting on my dad's shoulders for fireworks and feeling like they were literally right on top of my head. I was three years old standing in front of the Berlin Wall, which was still standing at that time. This is many, many years ago. It thankfully, has since been taken down. But I do remember being three years old, standing in front of it, this very weighty feeling. That feeling of being there still sits with me, I can still feel that just intensity. I do remember other more positive things like family hikes that you go on through these rolling hills of just green, and green, and green some more. The tulip fields in Holland. Many, many castles. I remember a lot of gold, gold gilded just about everything. A lot of red velvet. So many, many wonderful memories of my time there.
When we came back to the States, we landed in Mississippi. So I was just starting kindergarten through third grade in Mississippi. Now as a child there, this is where I actually learned a little more about racism. What other way to learn best than by baptism by fire. In a class of 36 students, I was one of four white children. Because I was the minority, in that instance, at least in the area that we lived in, in Mississippi, pretty much every single day, a student would come over to me do something, like grab my pencil. I'd say, “Hey, give it back.” It was, you know, “That's it. Three o'clock, after school, you're mine. We're gonna kick your butt.” And sure enough, I would get beaten up just about every day after school. It was simply for the color of my skin. So yes, I learned very early on the differences there, and the things that we, as human beings, attribute to what society expects, like culture dictates, and a number of other things. So I did learn about, well, being bullied.
When we moved here, here is Utah. When we moved here, I was eight going on nine years of age. I was always the new kid in school, because we moved pretty much every two years. It was pretty much like clockwork. I could expect to just get settled in, just get a good group of friends going, and we’re moving. So coming to Utah, I was expecting it's going to be the same old thing. Give it another two years, we'll be gone. Well, we ended up staying. We've been here ever since. So, as far as I'm concerned, Utah is home. But when we did land here, because of the experience that I had just had, in my years in Mississippi, I became the bodyguard for those who are being bullied. So anytime, you know, somebody would find an issue with some kid, they would start bullying them. And I literally would place myself, physically, in front of them and say, “Oh yeah, you got to get through me.” They didn't often make it through me.
Tamara Anderson 10:04
You'd learned a thing or two.
Reverend Christopher 10:06
You could say that, yes. So it's pretty much been ingrained in me. It's just part of my makeup to begin with, I think, to have a voice, or help lend a voice to the underdog, for those who don't feel they can, or maybe even should speak up, that it's okay to do that. It's okay to stand up for yourself. It's okay to stand up for what you believe in. And if somebody doesn't like that, well, that's their opinion. Not yours. Somebody taking advantage of you because of that is not okay. So if somebody isn't, can't, isn't willing to stand up for themselves, nine times out of ten you will find me right there saying, “No, I'll take this up. Let's go.” So lots of lessons early on.
Tamara Anderson 11:01
Oh my goodness, absolutely. Now this is this has played over, and over, and over again in your life. And here you are a minister, which, you describe as being a minister, but God had to drag you kicking and screaming. So why don't you tell me that story, of how you felt called to the ministry and why you were so reticent?
Reverend Christopher 11:30
Oh, my goodness. Boy, how many hours do you have? I tease, but only a little bit. The shortest, easiest answer to that is pretty much all of my life, I've been the one that people came to, you know, even in school. Especially in school, I should say. People, other students would come to me, other kids would come to me with whatever was on their mind, whatever problems or challenges they were experiencing. I was always the shoulder to cry on. So you know, in my earlier naiveté, of course, I thought, “Well, clearly I'm going to be a psychiatrist.” And for the longest time, I actually thought that was going to be my trajectory, that was my route. Then I found myself leaning more towards things of police work. I'm a great armchair detective, I should say. So I thought for certain I was more than likely going to end up going through police academy, becoming an officer later on, move into detective, etc. When I got out of high school, I went right into security work, which I thought would be kind of a nice springboard to kind of start that trajectory. I quickly found that I was rather adept at what I did, very observant, my skills of observation were nicely honed. Others noticed those skills, and I quickly moved up the ranks, you know, becoming an officer, and then site security supervisor, and then overall plant security, and that moved into field supervision, and then I became the Vice President of Operations over security functions for a corporation. So I quickly moved up those ranks in that field. So I decided, well, maybe police work isn't where I'm headed and I stayed where I was at. Mind you, this is all, let's see, by the age of 25. So yes.
Tamara Anderson 13:55
Wow. So fast.
Reverend Christopher 13:55
By 28, I was involved in a rather nasty automobile accident that kind of took me out of the game for a couple of years. I'm partially bionic. A few things have, you know, pins. I've got sea coral as a graft here to mend these bones together. So it was a rather lengthy healing process. During that time, my doctor had already told me that my stress level was, you know, through the roof, and I needed to figure out something else to do. Otherwise, I was pretty much doomed to have a heart attack before I reach 30.
Tamara Anderson 14:38
Oh, my goodness. Wow.
Reverend Christopher 14:41
Rather scary news. Yeah. And I’m like, “Oh, no, no, no, I'm fine. I’m fine.” You know, tough it out, get through it. Well, somebody else had something different in mind for me. And that is, I feel, my personal belief system, that was the silver lining behind this dark cloud. The auto accident was, some people call it a cosmic 2x4 upside the head, telling you, “Nope. You are going to slow down. You are going to figure out something else. You are not meant to be on this path. This is where we divert you elsewhere.” And I say that I entered the industry kicking and screaming, because I ended up working for a nondenominational church. So when Teinamarrie and I were looking for somewhere to get married, we needed a place large enough to hold all of the guests. Because that woman, I swear, she knows everyone. We won’t even go out of state without running into at least one person, if not two, or three or four, that she knows. Okay, so our guest list started at, what, close to 1300 people I want to say. And I begged and pleaded for her to narrow that list down. I'm a simple man. I'm thinking 12. 18 people. Sounds good for me. Oh, no, no, no. We ended up still packing the entire church, every single chair. So that's over 300 chairs. So the guest list got shrunk down to 500 invitations that went out. We still have people from here, there, and everywhere that flew in, or drove in, to be there for that. Which was wonderful. But again, we packed the church, this church building.
The minister that we met with there to perform our wedding ceremony, at the time, just making chitchat. He asked me, “So what do you do for a living?” “Hmm, funny, you should ask. I'm kind of out of work right now because of everything that happened with the with the auto accident, and all the healing and recovery and everything else.” And of course, the company I worked for needed to clearly continue on and sort of just held me on the back burner for two years. So when I made that comment, he says, “Well, you know, you're way overqualified. It's just a simple position with the church here. But if you're interested, it would be some work.” And I'm like, “Sure, why not?” So I became their church administrator, and later on also their bookkeeper.
I got up one Sunday and spoke before the congregation for an employee led service. The vast majority of the congregation, let's say a good 80% or so, came to me afterwards telling me I had missed my calling, I spoke more eloquently than their settled minister, and that, you know, I needed to go through seminary and become a minister. My initial, immediate response, knee jerk reaction, “Hell no, you can't make me.” And I stuck to that. Because you have to understand, I had seen how the sausage was made. You never, ever want to really know the inner workings of something, if you still want to cherish it. Once you know the inner workings of something, especially something as dynamic as a congregation. Think of it as a dysfunctional family, large scale. Because you have all of these different personalities, these different egos, these different positions of status, etc., etc. I watched the haves, and the have nots go up against each other all the time. All of the arguments and the bickering over, you know, who got to do this or who got to do that, or which committee reigned supreme to make sure that this happened. We're all supposed to be in this together.
Tamara Anderson 19:09
Right? I know.
Reverend Christopher 19:11
There’s such a thing as teamwork, brotherly love, you would write that I saw. I saw so much division. And truly for me, it broke my heart. Because you're good people. Good, well-meaning people that I feel lost sight of the whole reason and purpose that we are here, which is to help raise each other up, to help build each other, not tear each other down. But that's what I kept seeing on a consistent basis. So yeah, when I was told, “No, you need to become a minister.” Oh, no, no, no, no, not going to happen. I don't care how much money you've got. You can't pay me enough to become a minister.
Tamara Anderson 20:01
God had other plans.
Reverend Christopher 20:06
“Christopher, you don't know what you're talking about here. Let me guide you.”
Tamara Anderson 20:09
I know, right?
Reverend Christopher 20:11
Another cosmic 2x4.
Tamara Anderson 20:12
Oh, let's hear it.
Reverend Christopher 20:14
So I was lifting the case of paper, a full box of paper from the floor, up onto the table, so I could start dismantling and putting it away myself. When I lifted, something popped in my bicep. Searing, hot, white pain in my bicep, just about dropped me to the floor. But while I was out healing from the surgery on that, I had spoken up against that settled minister, when I discovered some things. Utilizing church funds not for church things. So I was a whistleblower. I spoke up against the settled minister. How dare I? And a lot of people took it very, very personally, to my detriment, unfortunately. To a point, I could see where they were at, because he had been there for a number of years. Whereas here, I'm this relatively new guy. What on earth? But as I said, I'm the type of guy that will stand up to the bullies. If I see that something is not right, I'm gonna make a fuss. Yeah, I'm gonna say, “Hey, y'all need to be paying attention to this. This is not okay.” So anyways, while I was healing from this, the church let me go by email.
Now, luckily, while I was healing, I decided, “Okay, what's next? Guide me. Where am I headed? What can I do?” And something prompted me. I'd heard somebody make a comment about, “well, you can always just go perform weddings.” I tossed it when that comment came through. Yeah, whatever. Wow, the things we learn in a rather short period of time, that we are, in fact, capable of doing. So, sure enough, I hopped online, I did some research, I found out a few things. So not too long after I went about getting ordained, I became a minister. I knew that the easiest in for me, because I'd already spoken with so many colleagues, that starting their own church, their own congregation took years to build up. Well, I didn't have that type of timeline. I needed to be, you know, getting something established, so that I could still be contributing to the household and, you know, helping to pay the rent, and the electricity, and bringing groceries in. Might be a good plan. So right off the bat, “Okay, let's get weddings started.” Because I know that we'll start getting things and then I can build up the rest of the ministry, and, you know, incorporate these other items.
So I did, very quickly, very quickly. My ministry skyrocketed with weddings. My name was getting passed around here, there, and everywhere, which was wonderful. I've had so many incredible couples through the years that have genuinely appreciated and have expressed their appreciation of my talents, skills, and abilities, not only the way that I custom created their wedding ceremony, but the manner in which I delivered it. What I hear most often are my presence, I seem to have this way about me. I have a very calming, soothing nature. You do appreciate that. My wife actually calls me the wedding whisperer. She’s probably the bride whisperer. Until I started, you know, helping the grooms to calm down, helping the parents of this one or that one to calm down, especially when there's challenging family dynamics, especially when you've got, say parents that have divorced and they are not amicable in any way shape or form. But getting them to sit at the same table, or at least in the same row for their child's ceremony. Apparently I have quite the gift for that. So I've been dubbed the wedding whisperer. And yes, I've served almost 1500.
Tamara Anderson 25:10
What's interesting about your life is that you found your mission in the detours.
Reverend Christopher 25:16
Oh, absolutely.
Tamara Anderson 25:18
You know, and it's interesting, I've found that in my life, too, that I found, you know, my calling, as I've been the mother to children with autism. Yet I did it kicking and screaming. I didn't want that mission, you know. And it's so interesting. I think God sometimes looks at us and says, “I know what's best. And it's going to be painful for a little while. But you're going to get through it, and you're going to love it. In the end, it's going to help you find your mission, it's going to help you find your voice.” And I see that. So for someone who is say, in a car accident, right now. Having been in a car accident, or some painful life detour, what are some of the lessons that you've been able to pull out of your life to help people keep going when they're wondering, “What the heck, God? What happened to me here?”
Reverend Christopher 26:12
Always be willing to move forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what tomorrow might bring. Kicking and screaming? Yes, absolutely. We, as humans, just tend to do that naturally. Because, generally speaking, we don't like change. We want things a certain way. We have certain expectations. When those expectations aren't met, oh, my goodness, it's the end of the world. So to have detours like this come up in our lives, for many, that can be very challenging. It's not the way that we wanted it to go. I expected this. How can I get this?
Tamara Anderson 26:54
Yeah.
Reverend Christopher 26:58
And yet, like I said, if we're willing to keep moving forward without that expectation, we can start to find the silver lining, even in the darkest of clouds, to help keep us moving forward. So that we can attain our soul purpose in life. So when I say soul purpose, I mean S-O-U-L. So for me, a lot of my life, from yea high to current, and I'm sure continuing moving forward, it will continue to be that eye on the prize. Just keep moving forward. So I’m a big kid. One of my favorite movies is Finding Nemo. What does Dory say all the time?
Tamara Anderson 27:53
Just keep swimming.
Reverend Christopher 27:58
So for me, when I'm out speaking to people, I do a lot for folks that are in the system of recovery. That is recovery from all kinds of addictions, or suicidal ideations, severe depression. So when I'm speaking with them, of course, the emphasis is on, “Don't get stuck in the past.” The past is over and done with. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can't fix it, you can't change it. The only thing you can do is glean the message from it, to help you right here and now, which helps propel you forward. If we focus too much on the future, we're not living in the now. We are missing everything that is happening in our lives right here and now. So another one of my favorites is Kung Fu Panda. I'm a big fan of Master Oogway.
Tamara Anderson 28:55
Oh, yeah, he's great.
Reverend Christopher 28:56
So how does that go? “The past is over. The future has yet to be written. Right now, we have the present. It is a gift.” So the more we focus on what we have right here and right now, in this moment, when we are in gratitude for the blessings, or even the blessons, that would be blessings within lessons, then we can effectively, constructively, continue to move forward.
Tamara Anderson 29:35
How do you find that blesson, the blessing in the lesson? Yes, because sometimes when you're in it, it's hard to see it.
Reverend Christopher 29:45
Oh, it's always hard when you're in it. When we can separate ourselves from the emotion of it, when we can almost, like, put it in a in an aquarium where we can look at it from the outside and view what's actually happening. Okay, the bicep tendon, prime example in the moment. Absolutely excruciating pain. The surgery that followed was painful. The recovery time was long and arduous. All of the rehab to get, you know, functionality back. Doing simple things like this with my fingertips. All of those things. Then you add on, here's this extra challenge, extra weight of I’m without a job again. How do I keep a roof over our heads? How do I keep food on the table? How do I keep the lights on? So in that moment, yes, pain, agony, misery. Maybe even some feelings of, “I'm hurt. I feel rejected. My job just let me go. I was doing a wonderful job for them here. I am sticking up for them standing up for them. And this is what they did to me.” So even with all of that, the blesson, the blessing within that lesson was this detour. Had that not happened, would I have still made this trajectory for my life path, my career? Probably. Most likely, though, I imagine it would have come much further down the road than it did. I tried my hand at the, you know, Sunday services. The every Sunday services thing is not really my passion. It's not my forte, which is why I took myself out of the congregational arena, left myself as more of a community minister. So somebody told me once, “Oh, just like Jesus Christ, because he was a traveling minister.” Well, yes, as a matter of fact, Christ did minister to all without exception, which is how my ministry is based. That's based on my own personal philosophy. No one gets left behind. No one gets left out. Everyone is always included, always beautiful.
Tamara Anderson 32:27
We're gonna take a quick break, but when we get back, we'll have more lessons, tips, and things you can apply to your life. Stay tuned.
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Now why don't you give us a little more background on… I know that you probably started establishing those feelings when you were little. But I think it also evolved, and we've left out a chunk of your life here, with the drugs, and alcohol, and your involvement with the LGBTQ community. So why don't you dive into a little bit of how you've been able to embrace this philosophy and why it is so critical, especially right now?
Reverend Christopher 34:46
Which philosophy?
Tamara Anderson 34:47
Oh, my goodness, all of it, the love and embracing all.
Reverend Christopher 34:53
So I'd say a lot does have to do with my early, formative years, having seen the other end of hatred, simply for the color of my skin. And please understand, I have plenty of friends who are people of color, you know, every color of the rainbow. I have a widely diverse array of friends from all walks of life, all creeds, all religions, all, you know, little bit of everything. So carrying that knowledge of what it's like to be treated as less than, to be treated as marginalized, is rather eye opening for a child. Even more so as an adult, looking back on that, and saying, “Okay, this is part of what helped shape me into the being that I am today.” Being more cognizant, having a better, or at least, I think, a better level of understanding than maybe the average Joe. I've had a number of conversations with people who don't understand that side of the spectrum. So you know, here's this white boy coming in and talking about these issues, and we're going, “Well, how would you know?” Well, cuz I lived it.
Tamara Anderson 36:19
Yeah.
Reverend Christopher 36:20
I have a friend that happens to be African American, and she and I have had many wonderful discussions. We've talked about, especially, what has been happening these days, and there's a large emphasis on Black Lives Matter, which is wonderful. At the same time, and I catch grief for this, every now and again. Where I'm at is, but all lives matter. I can understand and appreciate the struggle that has come to this point, to make it. This is the topic of the day. It needs to be addressed. At the same time, if we are living as Christ taught through His gospel, that we love one another period, there are no exceptions. There is no this list against that list. There is no this person against that person, or color against color. In fact, if you actually read the Bible, nowhere, not any single word in there states that Cain came from someone who was black. Nowhere in the Bible does it state that having black skin is what other people have. Words have been twisted.
So I can really get biblical on you right now. Go into the few different areas where someone might say, “Well, this is how black people are less than.” No, it's not. It's what people have made it out to be. But nowhere in there does God actually state. If you are accepting the Bible as the Word of God, then you understand that God is saying, “None of my children are less than the other, period.” If you follow Christ's gospel teachings, Christ ate with murderers, and rapists, and lepers. He sat with people of all walks of life. He never treated anyone better than another, differently than another. Perhaps this is where another huge portion stems from. For me, personally, we are all one. We are one. There are no separations, except the ones that we as humans have created, and that we, as humans, continue to perpetuate. That's where I think we've done a huge disservice to humanity as a whole. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the innately divine beings that we are. Each and every one of us. I don't care your skin color. I don't care what faith tradition you follow, or don't. I serve atheists, as well as agnostics, as well as pagans, as well as Muslims, as well as Christians of all kinds of denominations.
He served them all. Christ served all. Buddha served all. Pretty much any faith tradition you follow, the common thread throughout, it's based on kindness. It's based on generosity. It's based on love. Which brings me to one of my favorite scriptures, which happens to be 1st Corinthians. Most people are familiar with chapter 13, verses 4-8. That is that, “Love is patient,” You know what I'm talking about. If you follow to the last line, the absolute last line, so that would be verse 13. In most texts, it depends on which version, but generally speaking, it's that final line. That says, “Faith, hope and love abide these three. And the greatest of these is love.” When we return to that learning, when we return to that, that which is our pure essence of soul, that's our purpose in life. We don't need a manual. We don't need people telling us, “This is what you're supposed to be doing.” This is what we're supposed to be doing. We're supposed to be raising each other up, helping each other out, elevating spirits. Someone's different than you? Wonderful. Celebrate that. Yeah, celebrate their individuality.
My wife and I, we've served the LGBTQ+ community in a wide variety of capacities over the last 30 years. I'm coming up on my 50th birthday here around the corner. I'm rather proud of that fact and the gray hair that comes with it. My best friend in high school came out to me as gay. Again, I was the shoulder to cry on. Everybody came to me with what was on their mind. Not long after that, another friend came to me, and he came out to me, okay. Still my friend, still care about you. Nothing's changed. You're still the same guy I knew before. Same guy I rode a skateboard with, same guy I would ride bikes with. No, nothing's changed. But yet so many people want nothing to do with you. I've watched, unfortunately, so many parents, turn their children out, completely disown them. “You are not welcome in my home. I hate you.” What loving parent could ever say that to their own child? And yet, I've seen it.
Unfortunately, one of the friends I was telling you about. So I took a karate class after school. I was just getting done with class when he comes racing in, tears are streaming down his face. He asked me to hide him. “Why? What's going on?” Then he proceeds to tell me that his mother just chased him around the house with a butcher knife. She was going to murder him because she found out he was gay. Again, what loving parent would ever say, or do anything like that to their own child? And yet it happens. So Teinamarrie and I have always spoken up for the LGBTQ+ community. Again, wide variety of capacities through the years, everything from simple volunteerism, different committees. We've both been on board of directors, we've been chairpersons. You name it, been there, done that. We even created a nonprofit organization to help, specifically, those who are transgender, to be able to more easily move from one gender marker to the next. Especially in things like employment, documentation, driver's license, Social Security, things like that. Because at the time, there wasn't anything to help these people to transition smoothly or easily, or more easily, I should say. Lots, and lots, and lots of hoops for them to jump through. Nobody at the time was standing up to say, “This isn't okay.” If this person needs to live a healthy, happy, well adjusted life, how can they do that if you're not making it easy for them to do something as simple as change the gender marker on the driver's license?
So I'll give you an example. Say you've got someone who happens to be male to female. So they were designated as male at birth. We recognize that they are female. They are making, you know, the necessary steps to transition to female. So imagine that you're looking at someone who by, as far as you can see, is absolutely female. But you need to see the driver's license for something. And that driver's license still shows, even if they have legally changed the name, it might show the legal name change. So you've got Sarah, but it shows male. Well, unfortunately, still, to this day and age, that leaves people wide open for all kinds of harassment, violence, even. It is rather unfortunate that so much violence does exist against transgender people. The number of murders are always up close and personal. So we're talking multiple gunshot wounds, multiple stabbings, or beating about the head, in the face, in the body with baseball bats, you know, very, very violent. And it's largely due to people don't know how to deal with something that they don't understand.
Again, the soul of the matter. What does your soul say? So, maybe it's biology, maybe it's who you innately are. It's not my place to judge or say which it is, or which it is not. Some people are very tied to having a scientific, biological fact, “Here's why this is happening.” And I say, why can't we just let people be who they are? That person being trans does not affect me in any way, shape, or form. Doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. They're living their life. In my opinion, they're actually going through transition, they're being true to who they are. They are letting go of the deception that has been their life, which has been maybe trying to live up to other people's expectations of, “This is what it means to be a man. I must be macho. I must play football. I must know all of the sports scores. I must know how to tear down and rebuild an engine. I must know how to XYZ, fill in the blank.” Maybe I joined the military, because that's what a manly man does. I can't tell you how many people I have met who that has been their story. Maybe they even did get married to a woman and have children because that's what you're supposed to do. Then they finally come to a point where it's, “I either have to be true to myself and live authentically, or, if I have to keep living this lie, I'm gonna die. And it might be by my own hand.” Again, very unfortunate, but all too often true.
So yeah, we stepped in and we created an organization to help people be able to transition a little more easily, at least as far as documentation went. We went so far as to go in and speak to corporations so that, as their employee was transitioning, we can help explain, not only to them, but to the other employees, “Here's what's happening. Here's some of the changes that you can expect to see.” The question that I got most often, “Well, I'm having trouble with this pronoun thing. So what do I do about that?” You know, because most people want to be decent, respectful, and kind. And so my simplest suggestion there, for a lot of people, say their name, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. No matter how redundant, how repetitive it is. Because the more times you say the name that they have chosen, if it is a different name that they've gone to, at least that helps solidify it, which will make it easier to be able to get the proper pronoun correct.
Tamara Anderson 49:16
So that's actually some really good advice. I like that.
Reverend Christopher 49:21
It certainly makes the transition for the person transitioning much easier because well, as we know, anytime that we are doing something, especially if it's maybe outside of our comfort zone, we know that there might be some pushback. There is the possibility for rejection. What do we do? We call it the cocoon. If we know that we have support, if we know that no matter what, I love you, I care about you, you are a fellow human being and I will raise you up. I will be there for you if you need me to be there for you. That is the greatest gift you can give back to God, in my opinion, is being true to how you were created to begin with, which is following your soul purpose.
Tamara Anderson 50:17
Wow. That's beautiful. So the solution really is education, overall love, like you said, and being kind.
Reverend Christopher 50:33
Yeah. People are going to have differences of opinion. People are very strongly based in whatever religion that they have been raised with. The biggest hurdle that I have come across in speaking to people, especially about this particular topic, because it can be quite controversial, is that simple fact, “It's what I was raised with. This is my understanding of it. This is wrong.” If God created you this way, does that make God wrong? Is God wrong? Does God make mistakes? Well, if you don't believe that God makes mistakes, then how can you believe that His own creation is wrong? It's His own creation being true to who they are, who they know themselves to be, and honoring that gift.
Tamara Anderson 51:38
That is a beautiful way to explain it and think about more. I can tell you’ve had practice. Oh my goodness. So for families out there who are perhaps struggling with a family member who may be going through a transition or who comes out of the closet? What would your best advice be?
Reverend Christopher 52:07
Love them. Just love them. Even if they tried to push you away, because understand that what they're expecting is to be rejected. It's in the movies, it's on TV all the time. It surrounds us. It permeates our world. So for someone who happens to be LGBTQ+, they might be anticipating that you're not going to love them. You're going to reject them. You are going to want nothing to do with them, right? And they've seen it happen to friends. It's not just in the movies and on TV. It's happened to other people they may know. So my greatest advice, personally, love them. Absolutely, wholeheartedly. Whatever you can do to lovingly support your child. Don't question them. Don't, “Oh, that's just a phase.” This is their life experience, not yours. You might not have had that experience. That's wonderful for you. But you don't know what they're going through. These are different times. Things are happening today that didn't happen 10 or 20 years ago, right? So our experience is not what these young folks are experiencing today.
So in some areas, I think there have been great strides forward in recognizing that LGBTQ+ people are of worth and dignity, just as everyone else. And still, there is that, “But we have religion telling us this.” Well, are you looking at the Word of God? Or are you looking at what was said? The Bible has been written, and rewritten, and rewritten some more, many, many, many, many times throughout the ages. Depending on which person happened to be in power at that time is how the wording was altered. So even pick up a Bible today and I guarantee you the wording will not even be the same as the book that I read as a child. Depending on who is in power, is how the wording gets rewritten. If you look at what Christ taught; love, kindness, generosity, above all else, when we come back to that, again, that is our soul purpose in this life. We are all connected. We are all one, regardless of similarities or differences Even if those differences seem miles apart, think Flaming Gorge, we've got a huge stretch apart, we are still one. We should be here to raise each other up, build each other up, not tear each other down. That's what we're here for.
Tamara Anderson 55:20
And for people who are struggling, pray for help, pray for strength, because like you said, God is a God of love. Raise each other up. Absolutely, I'd love that.
Reverend Christopher 55:30
I often deal with a lot of people who, they've been burned by religion, or people in religious authority. Like I said, I work with a lot of atheists, and agnostics, “Well, maybe something's out there. Don't really know what it is.” And that's okay. But you've got to find what resonates for you, personally, whether that is God, or Buddha, or Allah, or, you know, cosmic universe, okay? Infinite possibilities. Whatever you attribute that higher power to, that something that is greater than yourself, whatever you attribute that to be, lean on that. Look to that. If it is getting down on your knees, and prayer, so be it. If it is sitting in quiet, meditative reflection, so be it. If your thing is dancing in the kitchen with nobody watching, dance in the kitchen with nobody watching. But do that thing, whatever it is, that feeds your soul. That thing that nourishes you. That thing that makes you feel alive, and not just alive, but joyful to be alive. And for a lot of people, especially in those dark, challenging times, that can be the hardest thing in the world, to see light at the end of the tunnel. There absolutely is, if we are willing to look for it.
Tamara Anderson 57:09
It's that, “Just keep swimming,” that we go back to that you were talking about earlier. Just keep going another day and another day. Eventually you'll see that little speck of light in the distance and it will all come together.
Reverend Christopher 57:25
Even those detours, especially those detours, that's when we start to look back and go, “Oh, God I see what you did there. Okay, I got it.”
Tamara Anderson 57:35
Oh my goodness. Well, Christopher, this has been so amazing. Thank you so much for, not only sharing your story, but sharing your wisdom and teaching us that love truly is the key. That's the most important part to bridging these differences, and we can love all people. And thanks for setting the example and doing that. I'm really thankful to have been able to have you on the show and to have you share your amazing wisdom and finding gratitude and loving and it's just been a privilege.
Reverend Christopher 58:12
Well, thank you so much. It's been my honor and privilege to be here.
Tamara Anderson 58:16
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time, and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website, storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript, and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared, or quote, or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling, with hope to carry on, and with the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember God loves you.
https://www.tamarakanderson.com/podcasts/reverend-christopher-t-scuderi-love-and-raise-each-other-up