Ganel-Lyn Condie: Mental Health Struggles? Try This!

Ganel-Lyn had a mom and sister who struggled with mental health challenges, and her sister finally chose suicide. She shares key tips and ideas for both family members and those who struggle.

Episode Discussion Points

  • We all need connection with others.

  • Getting ready for empty-nesting and entering a new phase is challenging (and she is kind of mourning that change).

  • Wishes she knew more about parenting adult children

  • How when she was a young mom it was so hard and so slow, and now that her kids are grown she feels like it sped by in the blink of an eye.

  • She is blessed to have a very busy life outside of mothering that will keep her busy now.

  • She has given herself permission to go back to therapy and not have everything planned and sorted out (which is new for her).

  • The blocks analogy of life through this life transition.

  • How she is a perfectionist “in recovery” who used to think if she was perfect she could fix those around her and protect them from their challenges.

  • She grew up with a desire to put things in order.

Dealing with Mental Health & Suicide

  • She has a mom who deals with severe mental health issues, and a sister died by suicide.

  • Suicide grief is difficult and complex to deal with, and helped her realize the importance of accepting the parts of her that are broken.

  • Jesus is the only one who can save. “I am not responsible for saving someone else.”

  • “Everyone on the planet either struggles with mental health or loves someone who does.”

  • “Every day I wake up and I check in with my mental health.”

  • “Suicide is really bad exhaustion of the soul,” where they think the world would be better off without them, and wanting the pain of the soul to stop.

  • “Hope is doing the next plan B.” You have been through hard things before and you will get through this hard thing now.

  • For those struggling with pain, find the tool that will work that day.

  • Choose to stay in your body. “Suicide changes your other choices.”

  • “I love Therapy! It is education for your mind and your relationships.”

How to Help Loved Ones with Mental Health Challenges

  • Ask a middle age man how he is doing (and to show you with emojis).

  • “The opposite of addiction is connection.” So watch for loved ones who isolate.

  • Have a list of 5 “SOS friends” you can call when you are in crisis. These are people you love and trust, and you have planned that you can call/text when you are in need. These are people who have gone through hard times.

  • Ask friends in need, “What does support look like for you?”

  • Often people just need to be heard--go on a walk or drive with them and just listen.

  • What do they need? Drop of dry cleaning? Go to a movie?

  • You only need 1-2 really good support people.

  • If you feel you don’t have anyone, go to God and ask Him who needs you? “There is a resiliency skill in service.”

The Stewardship Principle

  • Her new book The Stewardship Principle—everything we own or experience—God is asking us to watch over it, not own it.

  • Stewardship vs. Ownership principles and what it looks like.

  • Don’t compare—we each have different stewardships!

  • Gratitude for “hard times” which now she gives back as “offerings.”

  • Often the people you show up for, show up for you.

  • “if we are to receive all that [God] has, our capacity has to increase.”

Mental Health Checkup Ideas

  • Therapy: If you haven’t found a good therapist, post on social media and find one that works for you. This can include talk therapy, EMDR (helps with trauma), massage therapy (which she does regularly), Light Therapy,

  • Physical Movement/Exercise

  • Rest

  • Drinking Water

  • Don’t over-schedule yourself when you are coming into busy times when you need to process change.

  • Journaling—sometimes she can’t say the words, so she writes. And sometimes she writes prayers to God. (And you can have a journal where you tear out or burn the pages afterwards.)

  • Meditation

 Favorite Bible Verse

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge.” Gayna-Lyn loves the idea of a loving God softly gathering us in and shielding us in the hard times.

So, snuggle up into God through meditation, through prayer, through music, through good friends, through journaling,

 

Connect with Ganel-Lyn

#tamarakanderson #storiesofhopeinhardtimes #podcast #hope #God #hardtimes #mentalhealth #suicide #depression #gethelp #stewardship #suicideprevention #tips #howtohelp

Transcription

You can find the transcription of today's episode here:

Ganel Lyn Condie 0:03

But in other ways my kids know that having a mama that deals with chronic illness. And perfectionism is not always easy to be the kid off, you know. And so fast forward eight years ago when my brother found my sister Meg, dead by suicide, and she was 40 years old, and it was a awakening at a different level, but it definitely is a wake up call for all of us to accept the parts of us that are broken.

Tamara Anderson 0:31

Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.

Tamara Anderson 1:01

My guest today is a popular motivational speaker award winning author show host journalist and influencer who is known for inspiring others with her unique honesty, authenticity, and spirit with the goal of inspiring others to choose faith and live life with more joy. She has experienced healing from a major chronic illness and is the mother to two miracle children. After the heartbreaking suicide of her 40 year old sister, she is constantly working towards suicide prevention. She's a regular television and radio guest and hosts the popular shows real talk CFM and The Middle. She loves growing older with her husband Rob and aims to keep learning and loving. I am pleased to present Gayna Lyn Conde. Gayna Lyn, are you ready to share your story of hope?

Ganel Lyn Condie 1:55

Sure. I'm grateful to be here and to have technology that allows us to connect with people we can even see.

Tamara Anderson 2:03

Isn't that amazing?

Ganel Lyn Condie 2:06

It's why I do what I do is writing books and hosting shows and doing podcasts interviews like this. We become more connected than without this technology. Even though sometimes this technology can make us feel less connection. I try to share content that is connecting on social media and on interviews like this just because I have learned over the years that it can reach people right where they're at in miraculous ways if people are willing to have the conversations and we were talking before we started taping and I definitely do not have all the answers, but I definitely am willing to hold space to have the conversation. So thank you for hosting me.

Tamara Anderson 2:49

Oh, well, this is a this is an honor. It really is. And I thought we'd break the ice with something a little more modern and lighthearted before we dive back into your background but you are getting ready to be an empty nester. Oh my gosh and you know what? I've got a daughter graduating from high school and she's my youngest as well. So I'm kind of in your same boat.

Ganel Lyn Condie 3:10

So we'll cry together. i

Tamara Anderson 3:12

Yes!

Ganel Lyn Condie 3:13

I have so many emotions, especially at the time of this taping, I just we're in the 30 day countdown and I yeah, I am trying to embrace this new phase that's coming and soak up all the last days of what it's been. And and I definitely am mourning, this phase of life changing. You know, I think as mothers, my oldest is 24 and lives in Hawaii. And I think for 24 plus years, every day I've woke up I the first thought is of the two human beings I brought into the world, and what do they need that day? And to unwind from that immediate knee jerk? Having them in my sphere of influence is is a change in stewardship. And I have come to realize there is a vacuum of information about this phaze. There's a ton about having babies raising babies, teaching them to read teaching them to potty train, and then it grows silent for how do you launch them and parent adult children? So maybe that's a future writing project. I don't know. I feel like I have no answers. I'm, I'm definitely willing to, to learn from those ahead of me on the trail.

Ganel Lyn Condie 4:37

And so every time I have a speaking event where I can see there's grandmas out there or grandpa's, I'm always like, share what you know about navigating because I don't want to be hands off. I want to still be a steward in their lives, which I talk about a lot. The idea of stewardship. That's my new book coming out this week, actually. But I don't I don't have all The answers and there's definitely a part of my soul that is morning, I tell my husband, his evenings and weekends are going to change my everyday is changing. You know, like, he's already noticed this year that she's been so busy as a senior and gone a ton. And I was gone at a speaking event out of state a few weeks ago. And he was home that weekend and she wasn't around. And he was very aware of it. And I said, Yeah, welcome. That's how everyday feels it's me and the dog talking to each other. And I really like her. And so I would have been her friend if I could have been not just been her mom. And so I'm happy to see what the world is going to be for her and for my son, but it's a definite it's a definite morning, tender time for me. And I'm I'm trying to celebrate her wings and her flight out into the world. But there's moments I just want to grab her by the ankles and have her drag me everywhere with

Tamara Anderson 6:06

I think you just exactly but how I'm feeling about my daughter leaving. I'm just like, I love you. I think back to my my freshman year of college, and I just think you are going to have the time of your life. It's going to be so amazing and so fun. And then I pause and think about me. And I'm just like, oh...

Ganel Lyn Condie 6:27

is your daughter going to school close by?

Tamara Anderson 6:29

She is heading up to school in Idaho. And so, you know, she'll be close enough that she can come down maybe for a long weekend or Thanksgiving, or something like that. So I'm excited. But it's not going to be like I can just come up and visit her. She's an hour away. She's not Yeah, so

Ganel Lyn Condie 6:44

my daughter's only going down Provo way. And so she's moving out. But we'll get Sunday dinners once in a while. And I went to the Idaho school that I think you're referencing, but I grew up in California. And so when I was gone, I was gone. And I tell my kids there were no cell phones I had to do collect calls home. That operator never said my name correctly when they would call and they'd be like Click Call from Dino and my family's like Yeah, well, we'll take a call from Dino and it was Ganel, but whatever. So and it is it's the best time of is that hilarious. It's the best time of life.

Ganel Lyn Condie 7:24

But I also I also just feel like I am now the lady in the grocery store that follows on around the tired new mommies that just want to sleep and go potty by themselves and not have any littles. And grandmas would come up to me in that phase and say it goes so fast, dear, just savor it. And I would just want to scream at them. Because I'm like, it's not going fast enough. I need to sleep like I know, I need my own space. And someone did not touch me for two minutes today. And now I feel like it went in a blink of an eye is a blink of an eye. So now and thinking I would if someone offered me a million dollars or a night in a hotel to sleep by myself, I would definitely pick the hotel. Like fantasizing about sleep, like in a way that I don't think unless you're a parent, you understand. And honestly, I tell parents that have those like middle grade level. I'm like sleep then because they're about to go to the teen years, which you don't get. I'm just as that's what's helping me get ready for her to launch is I tell my husband, we could just go to bed when we want to go to bed. We can just go to sleep. It's gonna be amazing. We're, we're like 24 or 25 years tired. So.

Tamara Anderson 8:51

Oh, my goodness, wow. Well, it's wonderful that you're at this new phase in life. And I have no doubt that God will help you fill it with amazing and great things.

Ganel Lyn Condie 9:04

Yeah, and I tell people all the time that that are worried about me, I say you know, I have a very separate, maybe this is a good segue into our conversation. I have a very full separate identity from mothering. I write books, I host shows. I'm on live TV every month. I speak all over the world. And there's still a part of my soul that is like this is like my gut is being ripped out. And so it's it's a very interesting time. I'm grateful that there are these other stewardships in my life or identities. Because if it was if it was really centric on just mothering I don't you would have to come visit me in the hospital. I'm pretty sure.

Ganel Lyn Condie 9:50

So I'm giving myself permission. I definitely feel like I've been back in therapy this year, the last few months off and on and I'm definitely giving myself have permission to not have it sorted out. And that's a new resiliency skill for me because I'm I'm organized and a planner and sorter. And once I can get like a calendar and a schedule, and if you could see on my office wall right over here, there's this big, sticky, sticky note poster, all the things they need to do for graduation, and we're going on a big trip, and work stuff, and house stuff and, and in my life, right now, I'm feeling so much transition, and it's not sorted.

Ganel Lyn Condie 10:31

And in therapy, I came up with the analogy, it feels like all the little blocks my kids would play with. And remember when you'd clean up the living room, and then they would get it all messy again. And it was all day long constant of that? I have come to realize that the space I'm in right now, and maybe your viewers will appreciate this analogy for whatever's happening in their life, whatever there in the middle of, that my life feels like a whole bunch of blocks. They're beautiful. There's some hard things, there's some great things and they're scattered in front of me. And I've yet to sort them back into the basket. Like, I think I'm getting them categorized a little like by shape, but they're definitely not in order. And I'm giving myself permission for probably the first time in my life to just sit with that and sit on the couch and not have it sorted in my head and heart.

Ganel Lyn Condie 11:22

And that feels really vulnerable for me, because I like I said, I like to have a plan. And I like to be very proactive. And I like to be intentional about my mental health and my relationships and my physical health. And it feels like there's just a lot of transition and letting go right now.

Tamara Anderson 11:39

Yeah, I totally understand that and that you used to be more of a perfectionist. And that's why you kind of turned to organizing, why don't you give us the story behind that. So that people understand a little bit more of why you're coming. Why this is so monumental, that you can just sit in it now.

Ganel Lyn Condie 11:58

Right. So I definitely would say I'm a perfectionist in recovery, it can still raise its ugly head. In my life. I definitely was born this way, so to speak, I, I classically would tell my mom who was single at the time, she, she and my dad had divorced. And it was my sister that passed by suicide. I'm the oldest, my mother deals with mental health issues. She's very public about it. And it was she was a working single mom. And I would suggest for fun cleaning the house. So that's at a very young age of three or four. So I've, I've always been kind of wired to put order to things. And that can be really celebrated. I mean, I think if people come to my home, they'll sense that in writing books in my schedule and juggling my mental health and my physical health. That's been a gift. But like all gifts, they can swing into a dangerous place.

Ganel Lyn Condie 12:58

And I definitely write about this in one of my Forgive me one of my books, the With God Series, I have three in that series. In I Can Forgive with God, I talk personally about parenting. And that desire inside of me to be perfect, came from a place of really a misunderstanding of knowing that God had a purpose and plan for me in life. And I felt at the age of seven, I write about this in the way that you take a spiritual thing and try to put words on it, where God showed me who I was, for a moment, kind of a glimpse of what I would do. And I misinterpreted at the age of seven that to mean that I had to be perfect. Like, here, God has just shown to me in a very flash moment, a brief glimpse into what I would do. And I believed and interpreted that as a seven year old would to mean that if I was perfect, I could not only do what God wanted me to do, but I could save and protect the people I love.

Ganel Lyn Condie 14:05

And so fast forward through a childhood with a mother that dealt with some severe mental health issues to a very severe level. And she still battles with it today. And then a sister that very much manifested some mental health issues we saw eventually what some of those causes were, she had a learning disability. She had been sexually abused by a babysitter that we didn't know about until she was in her teens. It happened when she was a young girl. And some addiction showed up and she battled her own mental health issues and she definitely is like my partner right now in this messaging in the last eight years. I get to share her story because she's not here to do that. And so she she very much for those that are Listening that are dealing with mental health issues within themselves or their family. It became a fuel for this perfectionism. Like, I was like, convinced that if I could be perfect, somehow, the hard things could be stopped. And the people I love could be protected.

Ganel Lyn Condie 15:18

So fast forward, you know, you become a mother, and they hand you a baby, it took seven years to have my son because I was diagnosed with Lupus, they said I would have seven, they would, they said, I would have about 10 years to live. And they said, definitely no children. Obviously, they, I'm past that 10 year mark. And I did have two children. They were hard fought. But I mean, that just all these things just kind of fueled this idea of, I'm gonna break patterns from my childhood. And I'm going to do things different. And in many ways, I think I have been able to do that. But in other ways, my kids know that, you know, having a mama that deals with chronic illness. And perfectionism is not always easy to be the kid if you know.

Ganel Lyn Condie 16:06

And so fast forward eight years ago when my brother found my sister on my mom's birthday, so for your viewers, if you get the context of that the hell of that moment was when my brother found my sister mag, dead by suicide, and she was 40 years old. And it was a an awaking, awakening at a different level, I have another sister that died when I was 10. She was just barely two years old. And so both my sisters are buried by each other.

Ganel Lyn Condie 16:39

And so I had grieved before, but suicide grief is a different grief. And really, it was a wake up call that I had to get really clear with my perfectionism. Because Meg's death, and suicide in general is complex. I don't want to oversimplify it. But it definitely is a wake up call for all of us to accept the parts of us that are broken. I mean, Japanese pottery and the gold that is used to repair it is popular. I don't want to take away from that analogy. But the reality for me is that that 1000s of people I've met and talked with over the years, through the work I do, we all carry things with us that haven't yet been filled with the gold, you know, that isn't fixed yet, right.

Ganel Lyn Condie 17:25

And so I love the idea that we have these scars or these broken parts that through the Japanese pottery, if people are familiar with that analogy, we fix them, we fill in the goal to celebrate it. But what about the stuff that is just it's still broken, and you're you're waking up every day with that chronic whatever that is. For me, regarding suicide prevention and mental health and my own, I had to get okay and more comfortable and lean into the fact that I'm not perfect, and that there are parts of me that may always be flawed and broken. And that no matter what I do, I am not responsible for saving someone else.

Ganel Lyn Condie 18:12

I mean, the reality of suicide, grief is that those that are left behind are at a greater risk statistically, for suicide. So whether it's at school or work or within a family, when someone dies by suicide, it opens up this kind of gate. And so I had to be really clear. I mean, in my faith as a Christian, I believe in a Savior, Jesus Christ. Well, he's the only one that can save. So in book writing, and speaking and podcasts, I can invite, I can influence I can love. And I can do that in personal relationships, but I can't save. And so especially after the last few years with a pandemic, mental health is at a whole different catastrophic level.

Tamara Anderson 19:01

Yes.

Ganel Lyn Condie 19:01

And so, I mean, I really love to say classically that everyone on the planet either struggles with mental health or love someone that does, so that's everybody. There's There you go. Yeah, there's not this other demographic on, you know, Apple podcasts that you hope will listen that are the mental health people like, for me, mental health is health every day I wake up and I check in with my mental health. So that's a really long answer for as a perfectionist, I'm not always there. I can find it creeped back in in certain ways. But I'm definitely better than I was eight years ago, and a lot of that is the gift of Meg. I had to get okay with the parts of me that are just not okay. And the reality is, that's all of us, right? We all have the flaw. I mean, the reality of suicide is that Meg believed as do thousands of others that die by suicide every year, that we would be better without her her, that her broken parts were so horrific that she, she was doing us a favor. And that's one aspect of suicide.

Ganel Lyn Condie 20:10

I mean, I think suicide is really about exhaustion of the soul and, and feeling that tiredness of the soul from the pain that comes with mental health, and wanting pain to stop, I mean, we can all relate to that. And I, I get to talk to a lot of people that do not understand that mistakingly call suicide as as selfish. And within faith communities, I've spoken to lots of different religions, not just my own, about suicide prevention, and been invited into other churches to do so. And I think within faith communities, we can frame perfectionism in a weird way, and we can frame suicide in a destructive way. In my faith, I believe my sister continues to learn and progress in my faith, she has eternal progression. And so she's continuing to learn. And my friends that are therapists often tell their clients, you know, that are wrestling with like, these parts of them, that they're like, I can't ever get better in this, or I'm always messing up in this or I'm so tired of feeling this depression and anxiety, this idea that that death would stop that pain. And the reality is, I don't believe it does.

Ganel Lyn Condie 21:29

I believe those lessons Meg were was wrestling with, she's still wrestling with. And that may feel really discouraging, but I have friends that are therapists that will boldly say to their clients, okay, you choose suicide, you know, tomorrow morning, wherever you believe you wake up, there's still things to learn. And I won't be there to go to therapy with right as a therapist. So for me, your your podcast, stories of hope. And our times, like, we all have those, we all are living a hard time. And we've all survived hard times.

Ganel Lyn Condie 22:04

And for me, hope is doing the next plan B. So the first step for me was learning. My perfectionism was unattainable. And number two, that the hope that I like to generate is Plan A didn't work, we're on to Plan B and sometimes on to plan x. And we're starting, we're starting the alphabet all over again. So for those listening, that are thinking, I just need the pain to stop, I hear you, I see you, my sister, Meg was tired, I get tired. I do this work everyday, full time. And I sometimes I'm struggling to find the hope, you know, and what tool will work that day. And that's why I do podcast interviews, because I love that it meets someone in their earbuds when they're going on a walk, right when they need to hear someone say I see you. And but if Meg was here, she would tell you to stay in your body. She would tell you that suicides. One decision someone makes not every decision but it changes your other choices.

Tamara Anderson 23:12

That's powerful. And it's such a unique perspective on suicide stay, just choose to stay. And I also loved something else you said earlier, and that was that. You've made it through hard times. And you can keep making it through hard times. You know that? That? Yeah, it may not turn out how you thought planning may not always be the the way it turns out, maybe you're on to plan Z, Double Z, I don't know what it is. But God sees the beginning from the end, and you can rely on Him to help you find the right thing to help get you through. Now, you mentioned a couple of times that you have strategies that you do to check on your mental health every day. mental and physical health everyday. What are some of those things that you do that help you with that every day? That helps you kind of stay the course?

Ganel Lyn Condie 24:15

Well, first and foremost, I would say therapy is a really broad term. And so when I talk with people that say I've tried therapy, it hasn't worked. Have you ever had a bad haircut? You don't just got Yeah, you don't just stop getting your hair done. You you if you chronically have a bad haircut, it's time to change stylists and you do a post on social media and then everyone tells you the 10 people they like and you try someone else. And so I would say first and foremost my definition of therapy is very broad. So for your listeners just understand that that I see massage on a weekly basis usually as part of therapy for me because especially with grief and chronic illness, it settles in your body. So I have an appointment to get Till tomorrow, and I always have one or two on the calendar. Because that's been a way for me to process the grief, reset my nervous system, and help my physical body and nervous system handle the emotions and the intensity of the work I do and my life.

Ganel Lyn Condie 25:19

The other thing I would say is traditional talk therapy is is great and has its place. But I also have found a certain modality called EMDR, which may be familiar for your, for your listeners, that's really helpful with trauma, and processing trauma. And it's not something woowoo there's like, you know, all the things I did that was kind of fringe work 1012 years ago is become very mainstream, and regular therapists are trained in it. And, and so I would suggest that,

Tamara Anderson 25:49

Tell me what EMDR stands for.

Ganel Lyn Condie 25:52

EMDR is, oh my gosh, now that you just said that it's something release. So basically an eye movement, or it can be eye movement with light or sound, depending on your therapist and how they are trained. There are even apps so I have a downloaded app that sometimes when I'm cycling, it's helpful when you first get started to have someone guide you through because it takes you back to the trauma, rewiring your brain so that it doesn't have the trauma response playing every time. But if if your listeners want to know more, Google it and you'll see practitioners that are trained in that and, and a better definition than maybe I've given the other thing. The other thing I would say is for me physical movement is essential during the winter, I need light therapy because of where where I live in Utah, and, and rest. And so sometimes it's the basic right now, like I have my big water. And you know, it's those basic things that we do when we're dealing with trauma.

Ganel Lyn Condie 26:54

The other thing I write about it in my book, you are more than enough, you are magnificent that everything we say no to we are automatically saying yes to something else. And everything we say yes to we're automatically saying no to something else. So instead of, especially if you're processing a lot, or you're in a struggle time, I like to call it my chopping wood and carrying water, you know their seasons. The next 30 days, as my daughter's graduation approaches, I've put a cap on adding anything more to my calendar, things keep trying to create back in but I know that if I keep saying yes to other things, I'll be saying no, to having the emotional fortitude and bandwidth to process this really big change coming with my daughter. And my calendar is still full. But I know for me, I've had to put a no out there so that I can say yes to something else. So those are some of the things that I do.

Ganel Lyn Condie 27:48

I really love journaling and meditation because once again, sometimes for me as a as a writer, and as someone that words matter, if I can journal out feelings, sometimes I can't even pray the prayers. So I will write my prayers out to God. Those are ways in which when I don't even know how I'm feeling like I shared already. I have had so many feelings the last few months, and I don't have words for them. And so sometimes just free journaling. I'm not talking about journaling in a way that you leave that journal for your grandchildren I'm talking about you journal and throw it away or burner. I do you know my best friend and my husband know if anything happens to me. There's one journal they've got to hurry and get rid of. That's not for everyone to read later.

Tamara Anderson 28:37

We're gonna take a quick break, but when we get back, we'll have more lessons, tips and things you can apply to your life. Stay tuned.

Tamara Anderson 28:45

How many of you out there feel like your life is chaotic, crazy, and completely awful compared to the norm? What if I were to tell you you are normal for you. I'm so excited to tell you about my book normal for me, learning to love and accept life's detours with God's help. This book took me 10 years to write. And I shared 20 years worth of lessons learned in my life detours, including being in a car accident and having two of my children diagnosed on the autism spectrum. In this book, I share the secrets of how I made it from despair to peace with God's help. I talk about being a zombie mom living in survival mode, learning true faith, and how I debunked the myth that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. normal for me also includes a bonus diagnosis survival guide at the very end of the book in which I shared 12 tips to survive and thrive in tough times. So what are you waiting for? Grab your copy of Normal for Me today on Amazon or on my website Tamara K anderson.com.

Ganel Lyn Condie 30:05

So those are some of the tools that I use on a pretty regular basis. And then I love therapy, I think therapy, the way I frame it is it's education for your mind and your relationships. No one gets embarrassed by getting more education. No one's like, oh, gosh, I'm getting another PhD. It's so embarrassing, right. But there's still a stigma somehow, especially with males, in our society, men in general, our highest rate of suicide, middle aged men. And so when I speak, I often say, talk to a man this week, and ask them how their mental health is. And they will tell you fine, and then you will pull out your phone and pull up all the emojis on your on your phone screen, and you'll have them pick one of those emojis and push them to identify it. I tell fathers, the best gift you can give your kids is for you to go to therapy, and then at dinnertime talk about how awesome it is. I mean, can you imagine if we lived in a society where men celebrated therapy and talked about it, giving permission to their families, as the provider, traditionally speaking, that therapy is education, and it's a it's a positive thing. It's not a negative thing.

Tamara Anderson 31:20

Those are not only practical tips, but some great advice, especially for the men that we love in our lives, right? That these are things that are okay. And I love that you framed it as education. Because I know I was able to go to some therapy appointments with one of my children. And it was amazing the things that I learned just sitting there, you know, being the silent observer, they they were under the age of, you know, majority. And so my kids wanted me to sit there by them. And I'm like, that's fine. But I was surprised how much I learned just sitting there and listening to the way that the therapist would frame something or the way they would teach something, I was just like, oh, like, I want to write that down. Like sneaking my phone out of my pocket and typing it. I want to remember that after we're done with therapy, so I can remind you of that. So it's really amazing what you can learn, and, and how sometimes just talking it through with someone can give such a different perspective

Ganel Lyn Condie 32:32

Oh for sure. For sure. I really feel like the opposite of addiction is connection. And the first sign when Meg was struggling, was that she would isolate. And we all have that tendency in the wild, we see animals that are wounded go off and, and hide. And so it's it's wired in us to be protective and pull in and I'm I'm so public that I really value and protect my alone time. So there's a difference between that but even my, I call my faith friends, they know when I've swung from quiet, alone time to isolation. And so your faith friends or your SOS friends, I would always advise having five, if you can have five, start with one, if you can get to three, great if you can get to five, even better. And the reason I say that is your SOS friends are already plans. So that when you go into that place that pit or that isolation, you've already had a conversation with them that they may get an SOS text. And the reason five is you'll talk yourself out of reaching out to the first three. You know,

Tamara Anderson 33:50

I believe you Yeah,

Ganel Lyn Condie 33:52

She's too busy. They're going through a divorce, they just lost their job, whatever the thing is, if that leaves you two on the list, that first one may not answer that that leaves you one. And so I am a fan of having that conversation. Now if your viewers remember nothing else from our conversation today, immediately, if you're listening to this text, that first five people, you can think that they don't have to be your very best friends that you love hanging out with and going on vacations with. They're the people that you know, have gone through their own hard times. And they know how to foster their own hope. They've worked on things they've been to therapy, they have their own list of tools that they use. And when you have the conversation before you need to have it. That's when it's ideal. You know, blame it on this podcast and listen to this conversation, you know, and offer to be that for them. Because especially during the pandemic those first few months if you remember when everything was shut down, that that isolation was and still is for many real, you know, and thank goodness for zoom but you There's been some studies already done that Zoom meetings and zoom conversations, we actually can't with the camera and the screen look at each other in the eye.

Ganel Lyn Condie 35:08

And so think of two plus years of school and work happening, where you're not really seeing people, what that's done. And what has increased in addictions. I mean, I talk to teenagers and adults all the time, where over the last few years what they thought they had worked through, showed right back up, you know, so find that find that list of SOS friends, so you don't isolate? Because connection can beat back a lot. You know? And like you said, it's just the speaking it out loud. That's helpful.

Tamara Anderson 35:47

Yeah, absolutely. And I love I love that you call them SOS friends. So pull out your phone? Yes, a friend and say, Hey, I just heard on a podcast, it's important to have five SOS friends, will you be mine for cases of emergency and I'm happy to be yours and returned, you know, something, something simple like that? Would you add anything else to that?

Ganel Lyn Condie 36:08

No. And just literally let them know that that you value connection. And you've, you've realized that in times, you can isolate when you need the connection the most. And it's hard to reach out. And so you're offering yourself to be a connector. And this is not in the replacement of therapists. Oftentimes, I have parents, and church leaders and business people reach out wanting to know how to help with mental health. And I say, we need to stop assuming that we have to have all the answers and be the therapist. Right? It's once again, not us being the savior. It's being the person that allows you to be the safe space to speak it out loud. And then you get to be the person that says okay, I'm going to check in with you in a week, if you have not made an appointment with the therapist, what what's going to be the next step, and put it back on the person.

Ganel Lyn Condie 37:04

The other thing I love to say is we get afraid to ask or offer to help because we don't know what the solution is. And one of my favorite phrases to use in my own relationships is What does support look like for you? Who, right? Because instead we don't reach out? Because we're we're waiting to have all the answers before we reach out. Instead. It's just the connecting and reaching out. That's the biggest help. And so if we can put it back on the person and say, What does support look like? It's amazing how often we've created this whole story of what we think the support is. And usually the person I'm not saying all the time, but usually it's they just need to be heard. They need to maybe go for a drive they, you know, it's it's amazing to me what really is needed. And it's not as much as I think it is in my head. My My kids are always like, well, I don't need solutions. I just need you to listen. And I'm like, okay, but I love like people pay me. Yes. Pay me to talk and don't you want me to give you all my ideas? And they don't they just want to be heard and they want to be sat with and seen, you know?

Tamara Anderson 38:31

Yeah. Oh, I love that. So don't overcomplicate it in your mind.

Ganel Lyn Condie 38:37

Yeah, and put it on you. Yeah, and ask the other person it might be for them, you know, what would help the most? Is you dropping off my dry cleaning or checking on me in two days? Or can we plan a night to go to a movie like, we stop ourselves from reaching out because we want the whole plan? And it's not? I mean, all of us have gone through the hard times. The hard times. For me that have been over a long period of time and an extended, I needed the consistent people and sometimes it those that list of people floated in and out. You know, there were people that I was surprised, showed up. And then I There were times where I was like, okay, that's exactly my right or dies. You know, those are the people that I know are always there for me and I have a handful of those people I don't need. We don't need 100 We don't even need 10. We need one or two good people that know our story and can sit with us.

Ganel Lyn Condie 39:37

And every time I share that in a in an event or on a podcast like this, I immediately hear from people on social media that say I don't I don't have anyone. And that's when I say go to God and ask who needs you. Go ask God right now and then the first name that comes to your mind Don't overthink it. She texts that person and say, hey, just thinking of you how you doing today. Instead, we focus so much when we're in pain on what maybe isn't being done for us. And the best thing I have found to pull me out of that is who who might need me today. Now, please don't misunderstand. I think we can also get in trouble with all the serving of everyone else, that we're so busy doing that we're not really taking care of us anymore, because we're making it about being busy. But But I do think there's a resiliency skill in service. And when we are feeling like we don't have anyone, maybe it's time that we find someone who needs us.

Tamara Anderson 40:42

Yeah, I know. That's super amazing advice. And I've seen that true. Both when I've needed service and when people have given it to me, and I've come to understand it to be kind of a cycle of love, that it's amazing to me when I've been incapacitated at several couple points in my life, that I have such a love and appreciation for the people that came to my rescue. Even to this day, like I break down and cry as I told you about oh, same say no. And it's so it's amazing. That that cycle of allowing people to serve you and then you serving others, it builds love. Isn't that what God commanded us to do? Love one another?

Ganel Lyn Condie 41:27

Yeah. Yeah. And let me just if you don't mind, this is my new book, The stewardship principle. Yes.

Tamara Anderson 41:34

Tell me about your new book.

Ganel Lyn Condie 41:36

Well, this cover I love, Emma. Emma Taylor.

Ganel Lyn Condie 41:40

That's right. She did this painting. And you can see the Savior is right here. But look at all of this connecting, that's happening here. And it's called The Stewardship Principle, reframing your life. And it's a principle that I learned about 10 years ago, and it has completely changed my life. And the idea is that everything we have everything we are, all of our relationships, all of our stuff, our unemployment, our chronic illness, our advanced degrees, our scholarships, our beautiful car, our broken down car, all of it is stewardship. There's nothing that we own. And God is really asking us to watch over it.

Ganel Lyn Condie 42:21

And so our friends circle as we were just talking is one of our stewardship, IPS. But all of us have multiple stewardship, you know, if we, if we try to juxtapose this, the opposite of stewardship that I share in the book is ownership. And at the end of each chapter, I give us four examples of what the stewardship voice would sound like and four examples of what the ownership voice would sound like in that situation. So I try to use stewardship that are closely related. The first chapter gives you more of a brief overview of stewardship versus ownership.

Ganel Lyn Condie 42:57

But then the next few chapters are different stewardship time and talents, body and mind, parenthood, in childhood, relationships in marriage, education and career money and possessions, service and mission. And then the last chapter is about practicing. It's a principle. So once again, it's not perfection, it's practice. But as you were just talking, I was thinking about, we've talked about a lot of stewardship today. And what I have found the most hopeful. And since hope is in the name of your podcast, the hopeful part of stewardship is when I'm in ownership, I'm in comparison, and I lose hope. When I go into stewardship thinking, it's much more expansive and hopeful. So for example, you have a stewardship of a child that has autism, it's easy to compare our stewardships. So our neighbor's kids are all maybe launching out into the world and having these amazing experiences and super self sufficient and your stewardship, maybe hypothetically, that you have an autistic child that stays longer or through their adulthood and

Tamara Anderson 44:11

Forever.

Ganel Lyn Condie 44:12

Forever, right? My co host on Real Talk has a nonverbal 13 year old daughter, Rachel and I love her and she will forever be in their home. You know, that is a stewardship. And when we're in ownership, it it can very much start to feel like a victim. It's like, well, why does my neighbor have kids that have all gone to Harvard on scholarship and married beautifully and live well and I will forever be parenting a child at home. Right? Versus stewardship. It doesn't mean that stewardship aren't often difficult. There are very hard stewardship 's out there.

Ganel Lyn Condie 44:47

There was a time in our lives where we lost a job. My husband got skin cancer, the dog was killed, and within a few months, we lost $80,000 on our home, moved, moved into the home we're in now And then my sister died by suicide. that was all within a couple of years. Those were heavy stewardships. At the same time, God was also calling me to write my first book. And so sometimes people will say, Oh, my gosh, what's it like to be a famous author, speaker or be on TV, in my mind and heart. And I mean, this, in all seriousness, it's a stewardship, which means it could end, I very much see it as a mission, I very much see it as a stewardship.

Ganel Lyn Condie 45:29

And there are beautiful parts of it. But it's, but it's easy for me to go into ownership, why don't I have this many followers? How many views did this show get? How many books did were sold, edited? It I write, and I that's ownership thinking, when I pull out of that, whether it's parenting my adult children dealing with my mental health, dealing with my chronic illness, or living my mission, it gives me the fuel to go forward, it also allows God to help me stay individualized. You know, there's a lot of great speakers and authors and podcasters. And parents and, and right. And, and when we're in ownership, it's so easy to think like what's on your, what's in your lane, and what should I be doing in your lane instead of what's in my lane? And what does God want me to do with my kids?

Ganel Lyn Condie 46:20

You know, I write about in the book, it's kind of hypothetical, but it's not really, my 24 year old son a over a year ago, dropped out of college after two years. And if I didn't know about this principle, I would have gone into ownership and could have really damaged the relationship. Because immediately when he called us, there was a story and I could do a whole nother podcast about why that was scary for me and what the story is that I'm telling myself and my fears for him and his future. And as a parent, we want our kids to have all the options and, and for me, education gives options. There's all that right. But in that moment, I realized here he was 23 years old, paying his own bills. He had served a mission for our church for two years. And then two years of college, very talented, musically deals with ADD stewardship. And he's on his journey, right.

Ganel Lyn Condie 47:17

And so there's moments I want to go into ownership. That's one example. I think parenting is one of the biggest ways in which we go into ownership because they're, they feel like an extension of us and and we want to control vulnerability. And we want them to be safe and happy, because that's what we're wired to do as their parent. But as your child ages, your stewardship changes, I don't get to control where my kids sleep and what they eat and who they hang out with and who their teacher is for the year and do they get their dentist appointment like, you know, that part of my parenting has changed into much more of an advisor only when asked as. And that doesn't happen as much as I would like it to happen. And so that's one example. But I could use countless hours of explaining where this idea has changed and parenting, friendship, health, mental health economy, how clean your house is, you know, whatever is happening to your pet, or your parents that are aging that now you're taking care of. It's all stewardship, when your car breaks down, and when you get a brand new car, it's stewardship. And it's not God saying I love this kid more because their stewardship has happened to be ABC. And I don't love you as much because your stewardship or ABC, it is stewardship.

Ganel Lyn Condie 48:41

And when we see it that way, it helps me stay in faith and hope that at this point, there are certain hard things that are happening. But compared to the last few years, there's not a lot of I mean, we've been through some tough stuff the last 10 years. And currently right now, it's pretty good. But I'm going to be honest with you there days, I'm like, so what's my problem? I think things aren't that hard. Why am I why am I struggling today? And once again, it's stewardship, you know, and that's when I get to go to God and prayer and say help me see this in a stewardship mindset instead of framing it as an owner. And having helped me get out of the way on this.

Tamara Anderson 49:27

It's a lot about submitting

Ganel Lyn Condie 49:29

it is it is.

Tamara Anderson 49:31

You know submitting to God and saying, Okay, I would like to be in control of all this, but I'm so not

Ganel Lyn Condie 49:37

Yeah.

Tamara Anderson 49:37

And so I'm going to just back up and trust that you've got this

Ganel Lyn Condie 49:44

yes,

Tamara Anderson 49:44

I'm going to do my best with this gift or this challenge that you've given me as a stewardship and see what comes Yeah, but But what we can't we're kind of back to that control thing at the beginning. You know that sometimes we want to control how things turnout. And that's not God's plant.

Ganel Lyn Condie 50:03

Yeah, I just I randomly turn to page 54. This book is not super long, it's only about 68 pages. So and it's like $1. So I really hope that because it's not overwhelming and not expensive thousands of people will pick it up and take it and then do more than what I wrote. I wrote it so that those that didn't understand it would understand it. And those that already understood it, but needed more would get more. And that's a hard challenge to squeeze into, you know, a few chapters. But I just opened to this Mother Teresa quote that I put in the book that you were just referencing, in submission, as Mother Teresa once said, "I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world." So if you're, that was Mother Teresa.

Ganel Lyn Condie 50:50

Now this is me. So if you're feeling beckoned to give back, or even if you're still uncertain what your mission is, make sure you stay connected with your boss. He knows where and how you are needed most. In the end, it won't be about book sales or church callings, YouTube subscribers or awards, making a difference will be about showing up. Did the boy who packed a lunch of fish and bread imagine earlier that morning that his meager offering would ultimately feed more than 5000? I'm certain that God isn't so worried about how many, your offering will feed, but whether you are willing to show up and share your talents.

Ganel Lyn Condie 51:24

And so I would just say, I'm really grateful that God has taken a lot of my hard things my hard times, and allowed me to give them back as offerings. But he gets to decide how many that feeds, you know. And so I would just say make the offering. If you're going through a hard time right now, maybe you don't put it in a book or on a podcast. But you talk to a neighbor, you talk to a nice, you take a friend at lunch, you know, and you take that hard time and you create that connection we've already talked about and and you support them through their their hard time. And like you said it boomerangs back, because a lot of those people are the ones that then show up for me if I showed up for them. That's, that's the beautiful economy of God is that He can consecrate and make more of our offering than we can.

Ganel Lyn Condie 52:21

If I was to say anything, in closing is that your hard time may be exactly the gift you give back. So as you steward through it, I always invite people to journal even if they're not writers, because you're going to forget how hard those days were. And you're going to forget sometimes what helps you get through, there's going to be a day someone's going to be standing in line at a grocery store. And you're gonna go Yeah, me too. I just I've been through that. And, and to me, that's the beautiful miracles of why God trusts us with these hard times. He he trusts that we'll take it and then share it.

Tamara Anderson 53:01

And that's a perspective you only gain after you've gone through it.

Ganel Lyn Condie 53:05

Absolutely.

Tamara Anderson 53:06

And I mean, I remember praying that God would heal my kiddos on the autism spectrum. And he's like, No, I'm gonna let you go through this because of who you will become because of it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Ganel Lyn Condie 53:18

Yeah, for sure.

Tamara Anderson 53:19

It's it's that it's that he sees the end from the beginning. He sees who you're going to become because of that challenge, that stewardship, as you call it, and and he's like, You need to sit in this one.

Ganel Lyn Condie 53:31

Yep,

Tamara Anderson 53:32

you need to sit in this one and learn from it. And it will make you more kind it will make you more empathetic

Ganel Lyn Condie 53:37

for sure

Tamara Anderson 53:38

you know and you will then be able to give that love back to others and be be my hands

Ganel Lyn Condie 53:45

And that doesn't always feel very loving. Like why would ya why would the loving God that we believe he is do that to us and yet what I have come to know is he wants to give us all that he has. And if we are to if we are to have the capacity to receive all he has our capacity has to increase. And my capacity to receive Joy only comes when my capacity to receive sorrow increases. It's the other side of the coin. I wrote a book about joy called it's in the with God's series I can Choose Joy with God. And that's to me joy is beyond happiness. It's happiness is Disneyland, which is great, but it's cotton candy and you get sick on it. You know and Joy Joy is deeper and it comes on the other side of the coin. And the joy I feel in my life is only at the level that it is because of some of the stuff I've gone that's the law of opposition. The things I've gone through on the other side.

Tamara Anderson 54:45

Yeah, I remember one of the the grandparents of a guy I dated said, talking me through that one day, she said, she said Tamara it's like a pendulum. Your capacity for love and connection can swing In this way, but she goes, the pendulum also swings the other way.

Ganel Lyn Condie 55:03

Yep.

Tamara Anderson 55:04

So if you've ever experienced that sorrow and heartache, that's the other side of that pendulum. But just remember, it can swing back the other way. So your capacity for grief and sorrow is also a heightened capacity for love and connection. So just remember it goes it swings.

Ganel Lyn Condie 55:20

Yes. Yeah.

Tamara Anderson 55:22

It was a good comparison. Oh my gosh, Ganel Lyn, and this has been so amazing. Now, before we go, has there been a Bible verse that has become meaningful to you in your years of ups and downs and all over the place?

Ganel Lyn Condie 55:36

Um, that is kind of one of my hardest questions, I host a weekly scriptures show. And so right now I'm I'm way into the Old Testament, even though that can sometimes be a dicey book of scripture. But I would say one of the things that I've turned to, especially for your audience is in Psalms 91:4, "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge." And I, I believe so strongly that God is at his core, loving, if we are to describe anything that we will feel when we are with him ever, in this life, and the next day will be love. And so I love the idea that he is like a hen that covers us with his wings, and feathers are soft. And when the hard parts of life are happening, just snuggling up into God, through meditation, through prayer, through music, through good friends through journaling, not through leaving this body and going to try to be with him yet that that will come when it's supposed to come, but I've come to know that he will cover me with his wings and his feathers will comfort me. So.

Tamara Anderson 57:02

Oh, I love that beautiful image that you paint with that scripture. It's powerful. And it makes me want to just go snuggle a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like. I think we're I think we're due for some snow. Yeah.

Ganel Lyn Condie 57:17

Yeah, that's to me, that's what meditation is about. Don't make it too complicated about breathing or visualization. To me, it's missing our dad and hanging out.

Tamara Anderson 57:27

Powerful, powerful, powerful. Now there are gonna be people out there who just have loved you and the way you share your story and your message, what is the best way for people to connect with you to find your books, and all of that.

Ganel Lyn Condie 57:43

So the one of the only great reasons to have a weird name is that Google will know exactly who you're trying to find. When you start typing in g a n by that point, hopefully my website comes right up because on my website, I'm on all the platforms and I really love getting messages. I have a YouTube channel I'm on Twitter, but not a lot. I'm there but I'm not engaged in all the Twitter arguing. I'm just not that girl. I'm I'm really active on Instagram and Facebook. I'm also on LinkedIn, LinkedIn, but my my website, Gaynalyn.com has all my books on the product page, and all the links to all the platforms that I'm in, that you can message me you can message through my website, I have an amazing assistant that will help with scheduling if you have a group that you'd like to get on my calendar, I'd love to make that happen as well. But yes, I would love people to pick up a copy men, women, teenagers, whatever stage of life you're in the stewardship principle was written for, for everybody, and it drops on May first everywhere. I would love to hear how people are applying the principle of stewardship to their lives and how it brings hope to them. So

Tamara Anderson 59:01

It's kind of expanded my view about how I look at the different challenges I've been through my life I'd never consider them as stewardship 's before and with a stewardship it is a kind of reminds me of the Lord's parable, if he's given you this talent, what are you going to do with it?

Ganel Lyn Condie 59:17

That's literally you must have gotten in advance. I literally opened the book with that story, because I think people think the talents were all these great things and the one that had the one talent buried it. And I I make the assumption or in the interpretation of Scripture that maybe that one talent was a stewardship that was hard. And it was it was like, well, this isn't cool. You gave them five, and you gave me the broken down car or the unemployment or the divorce or the mental illness or the addiction or the child that has addiction or you know, whatever, and burying it instead of bringing it out and having God consecrated so it can expand and that's lit really how I started the book. So way to prophesy?

Tamara Anderson 1:00:02

Wow, I had no idea that well, when you talked about that as a stewardship and like, that's the story that came to mind.

Ganel Lyn Condie 1:00:10

Yeah, yeah.

Tamara Anderson 1:00:12

There you go.

Ganel Lyn Condie 1:00:13

Yeah.

Tamara Anderson 1:00:13

That's awesome. Yeah. Good. Well, thank you so much, Daniel. And this has been so wonderful. And I'm just so thankful that you were able to come here on the show and be open and real. And, and from that, I think all of us feel a connection to you. So thank you for connecting with us today.

Ganel Lyn Condie 1:00:32

And thank you for holding space for a vulnerable conversation. I appreciate it.

Tamara Anderson 1:00:38

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you like what you heard, subscribe so you can get your weekly dose of powerful stories of hope. I know there are many of you out there who are going through a hard time, and I hope you found useful things that you can apply to your own life in today's podcast. If you'd like to access the show notes of today's show, please visit my website storiesofhopepodcast.com. There you will find a summary of today's show, the transcript and one of my favorite takeaways. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this episode with them. Maybe there was a story shared or quote, or a scripture verse that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this podcast. May God bless you, especially if you are struggling with hope to carry on and have the strength to keep going. When things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help you bear the burden. And above all else, remember, God loves you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Tamara Andersonmental health, Suicide, grief, God