7 Tips to Overcoming Fear--Lessons I Shared on the Rebuilding Podcast
My friend Jay Walther recently interviewed me about the fears I have had to face and how I have overcome them. Listen to this interview here.
Facing My Biggest Fear--Launching my Podcast
In 2018 I decided I was going to launch a podcast and I did all the initial work on it. I picked a title, Stories of Hope in Hard Times, and I got the logo designed. I recorded the first few episodes, and then summer hit and I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with regards to my podcast.When fall hit and my kids went back to school, I sat down one day and I realized that I was completely paralyzed and couldn't move any closer to launching my podcast.I had a lot of fear that preventing me from moving any farther forward. I was happy in my little anonymous bubble and I didn't want to put myself out there on the world wide web.
How I Began Overcoming My Fear
1. Journaling
Tamara showing the picture of her journal of overcoming fear and moving toward your vision
First, I began journaling about my fear. I drew a picture of me and my fear and how I wanted to reach my goal, but was too scared to move through the fear. I continued writing about my fear and realized it stemmed back to my childhood fears and being bullied. This helped me realize that a lot of my paralysis stemmed from not wanting to put myself out there and be bullied again.I thought I had gotten through this fear of being bullied when I was little, but I realized now that I was wanting to launch a podcast that perhaps I wasn't as "over it" as I thought.
2. Figuring out My WHY
At this point I joined the AMP (Accelerated Momentum Program) group mentored by Benjamin Hardy.Ben taught us that to push past our fears, our WHY (or the reason you are doing it) needed to be stronger than your fear.My WHY became I wanted to make a difference in the world for those who were struggling, worn out, exhausted and had lost hope. I had felt that way for several years with my two kiddos on the autism spectrum and I knew how awful it felt to live in despair. So, I wanted to make a difference for people who were struggling.That WHY, that desire to help those who are discouraged, was enough to help me push through my big FEAR and start moving forward.
How did you come up with the why?
I journaled, prayed, and started a morning routine where I connected with God. I knew I wasn't strong or capable enough to do it on my own, so I knew I needed God's help. By connecting with God I was able to tap into that heavenly power source and do things I was unable to do on my own.I was amazed that as I envisioned being successful as a podcaster and making a difference in people's lives--letting them know that they weren't alone or forgotten in their hard times. That gave me the courage to push forward passed that fear.
3. The Importance of Accountability
Goal setting became really important for me to move me forward towards my goal. I set weekly and even daily goals so that I was moving in the right direction. As part of my AMP group, I found an accountability group to whom I would report weekly on my goals and progress.The beauty of being accountable to someone is this: If I was just accountable to myself, I was much more likely to say--oh, I will just do that next week. But since I knew I was going to have to report back to my group each week, I found myself pushing extra hard--especially on Saturdays to crank through some of the last items so that I could tell them I did it.
4. Small Wins to Build Momentum
When you start setting goals to change, it is important to begin with small, bite-size things that are quick and easy to do so that you can build your confidence.For example, one of my first small wins was to delete an app on my phone that was taking up some of my time. So, I did. I deleted Solitaire. It was a small thing, but it helped me move to bigger goals. It is kind of a snowball effect. You start small and then you move on.Ben teaches in his book Willpower Doesn't Work about the importance of creating an environment where you can succeed. So, next few small wins were tidying or organizing small areas in my home. For example, I cleaned out my closet one week and got rid of all the items I couldn't fit in anymore. Another week I cleaned out the cupboard that held our cups and water bottles--and I got rid of the sippy cups, since my youngest daughter is now 14 years old.I set a goal to do some bite-sized small wins gave me the confidence to propel myself courageously forward toward the launch of my podcast.
5. Feel the Fear...and Do it Anyway
I highly recommend the book by Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear...and Do it Anyway. It is a phenomenal read that helps you realize that you are not alone in having fears and how to be able to push passed those fears.There are 5 Fear Truths that Susan begins the book with that really resonated with me. They are:
The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow. When you think of anything you want to achieve in life, it often comes with fear. This is simply part of the process.
The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it. I struggle with chronic migraines and they just came out with a new medication that you administer to yourself in a shot form every 30 days. An example of this is when I had to give myself my migraine shot the first time. I have NEVER been a fan of shots. I really hate them. So, I about hyperventilated the first time I had to give myself this shot. It was so very scary. But after I gave myself the shot, I thought, "That wasn't too bad." It really wasn't.
The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and do it. This is true. I found that once I did it, the fear decreased and my confidence increased.
Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else. This is true as well. You are not the only one who feels fear. You have survived 100% of the things you have faced so far.
Pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from the feeling of helplessness.
Push through your fears! You can do it with God's help.
6. My Miracle Mornings
When I first started the AMP course, I watched an amazing interview with Hal Elrod, who is the author of The Miracle Morning. Hal researched the top millionaires and CEOs to find out what things they had in common that helped them become successful. He found that they had several things in common and then went on to implement ALL of these things into his own life, and became successful as well. He found his miracle morning routine to be powerful in helping him achieve his goals and dreams!
My Experience Implementing Miracle Mornings
Let me be quite clear--I have never been a morning person, and if you would have told me that I would be getting up at 5:10 am to do prayers, scriptures study, meditation, exercise, journaling, and goal setting--I would have told you that you were crazy."If I want to have powerful strides happen in my life, I really do need to put God first." I also knew that I needed to have God's help as I faced my fears and pressed forward.I had to sit my teenagers down and ask for their support with this because teens are notorious for staying up late. They have been supportive, and I have been able to get to be earlier.Confession: I do sleep in a little on the weekends though because everyone else does and I can get up at 6:30 and still get my morning routine done before everyone else gets up.
Quotes
"There is a power that comes from putting God first and having Him help you with your goals in the morning.""I have gotten so many thoughts and ideas, and impressions that I have been able to write and journal about."
Final thoughts About Miracle Mornings
My morning routines have become my sacred time, and if I don't get it my day doesn't go as well. I am thankful for my increased relationship with God, which increases my confidence.I never envisioned myself as a morning person, but this has been a powerful change in my life. The more thoughts and impressions I receive, the more my confidence grows that I can do hard things with God and that we are a powerful team together.
7. Vision Board
I have a vision board right above my desk area where I work. This is where I put my motivational quotes, the fear truths, and my affirmations. I also put my monthly and yearly goals up there so that I can see where I am headed.This vision board is where I put what I envision myself becoming and it is powerful motivation. I love being able to see and read these every day.
What lessons would you like to pass on to others facing fears?
Two people can do anything as long as one of them is God
Years ago when I was really struggling in life I coined a phrase that says, "Two people can do anything if one of them is God."So, my advice to anyone who is struggling is to MAKE the time to connect yourself to God. You need to make this quiet time. It is vital.Each of us face unique challenges and fears and we can each turn to God, who is omniscient, and get specific help for our unique situation. God can see where we need to go and give us inspiration and guidance on how to get there.
If You Put God First, Does this Take you Away from Your Family?
Story from my Teenage Years
I am going to answer this with a story from my teenage years.As a teenager I struggled with Algebra--math has never been my strength. During my teens I read the scripture from the Sermon on the Mount that said, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 5:33).And, being a cocky teenager I said, "Okay God, I am going to put this to the test. I am going to read my scriptures before I do algebra every day. And we are going to see if I really do get better at Algebra."My grade improved a whole letter grade by doing that. This shocked me as a teen, but I realized this concept works.
How this Applies to Me Now
And so this is my advice to everyone--put God first and everything else falls into place. So, I put Him first in my morning routine, but I also prioritize quality time with my husband and children.The interesting thing is that when I am thinking and pondering in the morning I will often get thoughts and impressions about how I can better interact with my children or that maybe I should take a friend out to lunch. I write those things down and act on them.So somehow as you put God first, He helps me figure out how to make these connections with the other people that are important to me. Happily, it works out.
What Strengths Have You Acquired in This Process?
I have had to learn a lot of technical stuff about editing video and audio, which I never had to know before. That was always my husband's strength, and so because he was good at it, I didn't have to be.Well, my husband started a Masters degree program and he didn't have time to help me, so I was forced to learn to edit audio and video by myself. And at first this was so hard and scary to me.I remember my husband teaching me how to do this, and I was literally tearing up because it was so hard. But I had him slow down, and I wrote down the steps, and I practiced, and now three months later I am doing it and it is becoming easier each time.The interesting thing is that as I accomplish these small things, my confidence in what I can do has increased incrementally.
Have People Help You
I haven't been able to do this on my own. I have had to have people teach me--both by watching online videos and by reaching out to pros who do this all the time. Once I had a friend sit me down and show me several shortcuts to working in Final Cut Pro, and that was extremely helpful.So, find a friend, mentor, or teacher to help you learn the skills you need to learn. You too will grow in confidence and say like Caleb in the Old Testament, "Give me this mountain," (Joshua 14:12). You will know that you can do hard things.Jay acknowledged, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
God Helps You
This reminds me of a quote by William Hutchinson Murray,"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy...The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of this occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have ever dreamt would have come his way."So, you commit with God you are going to do something. And all of the sudden all of these things happen to help you along the way. I found out the quote it true. Once you commit to do something with God, He moves the mountains to make it happen.The cool thing about committing and refining your goals with God's help is that you know these are things that He wants you to do and He then helps you do them.
What advice would you give to someone who is facing some challenge or fear in their life?
It is totally normal to feel fear when you set a big goal.
Write about your fears--it often will help you figure out where the fear comes from.
Make quiet time that you can spend with God every day. He is your biggest ally.
Don't be afraid to have a vision of what you want your life to look like--put them on the wall and look at them and work towards them.
Don't be discouraged by hard days. You are going to have them. You are going have days when you don't get inspiration and you are exhausted. The key is consistently doing it even when you don't feel like it. Some days it might be a 10 minute routine, and other days it is an hour. Some days you will feel like the heavens are closed, and other days you won't be able to write ideas down fast enough. So, be patient with yourself and the process. The great thing about God is He will take us as we are and help us improve.
To listen to this Rebuilding Podcast where I am interviewed by Jay Walther, Click this Link.